Disclaimer: All Charmed characters are property of the WB. Any other non original characters are the property of their respective owners. I am making no profit from this story. 14th of my Charmed stories.

Little Queen of Darkness part 1:"but since I'm cranky and of course evil,"


30 seconds after the end of Same Time Same Channel finds Piper standing over the just koed Phoebe! Talking to herself Piper said, "That was fun! Now to dispose of my dear sister!" She goes over, picks up a butcher knife and then frowning replaces it thinking. 'Something's wrong, the last time I was evil, I killed people at will. But now I feel some compulsion to do her in with some elaborate deathtrap! This must be the Baron's fault!' So Piper tried to decide how to deal with Phoebe. 'I could tie her to the table and dangle an electric knife overhead!' She grabs the knife but then realizes, 'That would splatter blood all over my kitchen!' Putting it back she continues, 'And hanging her would be messy too! I need someway that will be easy to clean up.' She thinks on this for a minute and smiling thinks, 'Phoebe could use a shower!'


And so after dragging Phoebe upstairs, Piper binds her with some of her own pantyhose. She ties Phoebe's wrists tightly behind her back and her ankles together. She gags her sibling with a thick handtowel holding a washcloth in her mouth and uses another pair of Phoebe's pantyhose to attach Phoebe's ankle bonds to the shower in the bathtub just above the showerhead. She ties it so that Phoebe only has her shoulders and above touching the floor of the tub.Then since Phoebe was still out cold, Piper reasoned 'I might as well make good use of the time until she wakes up. I can cast some spells, make some potions, pack, and take anything I want from Phoebe's wardrobe!' And so she did. In the midst of all this Paige returns from magic school for Wyatt's juice cup and lunch. As she is about to leave asks, "So what are you doing today lady?"

Piper looking perfectly innocent in a low cut black blouse, blue skirt and jacket and high heeled black boots that came up to her shins answered, "Well Paige either I'm going to do some work and then meet Leo for lunch or," she pauses smiling.

"Or what?" Paige replies.

"I'm going to drown Phoebe in the shower and them go find the Baron and see about a reign of terror!" Piper says also with a smile.

"That's funny, only not!" Paige says and then as she orbs out, "See you two later!"

'I really doubt that.' Piper thinks and then goes to check on Phoebe. Finding her still out, Piper finishes her tasks and then revives Phoebe with some cold water.

Disoriented and her head pounding Phoebe tries to gather her wits but impatient Piper says, "Ok Feebs here's the drill," Then she blinks out! This clears Phoebe's head and she realizes 'Piper's a warlock!' At that point Piper blinks back in saying, "Blinking is fun! Sorry I got sidetracked, now where was I?" Looking down at the helpless Phoebe Piper smirks and continues, "Oh yeah as you can see I am a warlock again! Unfortunately while the Baron's potion made me first horny and then evil it has one little problem. Namely for some reason I can't just kill you but have to do something elaborate."

"Mmmph!?" Phoebe questioned thinking, 'What is she going to do? Drown me?"

"So I am going to drown you in the bathtub!" Piper said continuing, "Since you head is well below the top of the tub all I need to do is close the drain." Which she does. "And start the water. Now I could just run you a bath but since I'm cranky and of course evil, let's do this the hard way!"

Phoebe starts shaking her head at this, her eyes pleading for mercy while she struggles against her bonds. But Piper unmoved adjusts the shower and a few seconds later has cold water blasting Phoebe right in the face! As Phoebe tries to breath under this barrage Piper concludes, "I'd like to stay but I feel an urge to leave, so I gotta go!" And with that Piper blinks out leaving Phoebe in the steadily filling tub...


Little Queen of Darkness part 2:'Evil Piper + old memories = dead midget!'


Phoebe struggled against her bonds but, 'It's too tight! And the water, and my head oooh!' She thought and was forced to cease her exertions for moment. As she did so the water began to cover her chin!

Meanwhile at Magic School Paige having been delayed by various students finally made her way to the daycare. There she found not only the boys but Leo making a quick visit with his sons. Smiling she teased, "Well if it isn't wild Mr Wyatt."

"Excuse me?" Leo replied puzzled.

"Don't give me that," Paige continued, "all that last night with Piper throwing herself at you and now your lunch date with her today. Little frisky for old married folks!"

"I was just performing my husbandly duties," Leo said with a smile but added, "but we don't have a date today. Piper knows I will be busy almost all day. Speaking of which, my time here is up. So long." With that Leo smiles at his sons and orbs out.

At the manor Phoebe now has to do sit ups to keep her nose above the rising water. As her abdominal muscles burn and the cold water continues to beat down on her she realizes, 'Can't last much longer!'

Back at school Paige muses, 'Odd about Piper not meeting Leo. I wonder if, no that's silly! Piper couldn't possibly have been serious about drowing Phoebe.' Then she remembers 'Except they did mention something about a potion that Piper drank while I was koed!' with that she orbs back to the manor. She arrives in one bathroom, just as Phoebe's strength gives out in the other! Her head goes under the water as Paige thinks, 'Well this shower is off, but I hear the other one running!'

With that she orbs to the other bathroom and yells "Phoebe!" Rushing to her sister she quickly pulls her head from the water, then opens the drain, and turns off the water. seeing that Phoebe is not breathing she cries out for "LEO!"

Leo orbs in and immediately removes Phoebe's gag and then rolling her over, uses artificial respiration techniques to get the water out of her lungs! as the last of the water comes out Phoebe starts coughing and coming around!

Moments later the freed and healed Phoebe has related her story. This leads Paige to worry, 'How can we save Piper without getting anyone killed? And where is she now?'


Elsewhere in the secret lair of Baron Blitzkrieg, Ootat prepared his lunch. He was standing on a small stool and making himself a club sandwich. He was wearing a black suit with white shirt but had his jacket off. Because of that you could see the large handgun stuck in the back of his pants. He was just finishing his sandwich when he heard a slight noise behind him. 'That's the noise the Baron makes when he does that blinking thing. But he never sneaks up on me!' So whirling Ootat whipped out his gun and found himself staring at, 'A nice pair of legs in high heeled boots hanging off of the other counter!' as his gaze continued up he saw, 'a short blue skirt, nice top and jacket and long shiny, shiny hair belonging to,' "PIPER???" "What are you doing here? How did you find this hideout?"

Smiling Piper pointed to his weapon and replied, "Simple I just scried for midgets with guns! Now let's get down to brass tacks, take me to the Baron!"

"Sure babe right after I tie you up!" Ootat replied.

"I'm not in the mood." Piper responded and pointing at his gun froze it!

To Ootat's shock his gun was frozen solid in under a second! Only his well honed reflexes enabled him to drop the gun before suffering frostbite. The weapon hit the floor and shattered like glass! "How did you do that?" Ootat nervously stammered and backed away only to be stopped by the counter behind him.

Piper got off the counter and said, "I'm a warlock now thanks to you and the Baron. And I remember all I owe you litle man."

With that Ootat thought, 'Evil Piper + old memories = dead midget!' and dashed off, but Piper froze a patch of floor in front of him, caused the world's smallest assassin to stumble, slide and then fall flat on his face!

Piper blinked over to Ootat and then sat on his back like he was a horse! Then she grabbed his head with her left hand and shoved her right hand in front of his face! Ootat could feel the intense cold radiating from Piper's hand as she said, "You have two choices little man. I can freeze and shatter, killing you by inches or..."


Little Queen of Darkness part 3:"Too bad he failed the test,"

Gulping Ootat responded, "Or what?"

Leaning forward Piper whispered in his ear, "Or..." She paused letting the tension build and causing Ootat's heart to beat like a jackhammer and then said, "you can carry my luggage! BWAH, HA, HA!" Piper then cackled in a very uncharacteristic manner.

As she let him up the relieved Ootat wiped the sweat from his brow and said, "I thought you were sore about our previous encounters and about to enact some horrible revenge on me!"

"Naah, good little Piper has a big grudge against you. But as for me I just thought a good scare would suffice for now. Afterall good henchmen are hard to come by."

'I guess she thinks I will be working for her now? What is she up to?' Ootat thought and then paled as she led him to a huge amount of suitcases, dress bags and other luggage. "You took all the luggage in the house didn't you?"

"It's not like Phoebe will be needing it!" Piper repiled with an evil smirk, "Now chop chop! I have things to discuss with the Baron!" Then she picked up one item that wasn't in her luggage. It was the same rolling pin that she had used on Phoebe.
Ootat looked at the pin strangely and Piper said, "You'll find out about this soon enough." Ootat just grabbed a couple pieces of luggage and leading her to the Baron thought, 'I guess the potion made her crazy as well as evil, stupid alchemist!'

Ootat lead her through a large underground complex filled with strange devices, weapons, loot, and of course breeding areas for the future winged vampire monkey army!(see TAU part 50) At last they came to an office where the Baron was working on various plans. Engrossed in thought and secure in his own secret headquarters the Baron didn't notice Piper immediately and she got a look at various windows he had pulled up on his PC. Among those were "World Conquest plans", "Halliwell Trap plans", "Making Piper my Queen plans" and "Cheating Toomerlot at golf plans"! "So what works the best Baron?" Piper asked.

"Definately der Cheating," He began to answer and then recognizing her voice spun and said "Vhat? My queen, you've come to your senses at last!" With that he leaped up to embrace her but she held up a hand.

"Not so fast Romeo! Being bad is a lot of fun, but I want to know why I felt compelled to put Phoebe in a deathtrap instead of cutting her throat like I wanted!" Piper demanded.

"Hmmm, perhaps it vas due to vhere you drank the potion my love." He responded and inquired, "So vhat did you do to Phoebe?"

"Yeah, what, what, what?" Ootat chimed in hopping up and down like a little kid!

However when Piper told them they were a bit disappointed. Seeing their faces Piper accused in a icy voice, "You're laughing at me Baron!"

"No, no Piper, you didn't hear even a chuckle from me." He responded thinking, "Finish making her my queen first, laugh later.'

Pointing with the rolling pin she continued, "You're laughing inside!"

'No not at all." He assured her but,

WHAM!!! She belted him with the rolling pin and sent him smashing through a wall! "Liar!" She accused and then turning to a shocked Ootat smiled and said, "I cast a few spells and used some potions on this. I figured since Blitzkrieg is on his godly delusion kick,I would fit in. You've heard of the Hammer of Thor?" Ootat nods and Piper continues, "This is the Rolling Pin of Piper! It hits with the strength of 100 lead pipes and channels a blast of my goody goody sides explosive power through it! I wasn't really mad about him laughing but it was a good excuse to test just how much power he got from Cole. Since we vanquished him in TVland obviously he wasn't at his peak. So I need to know if the Baron is powerful enough to stand up to my dark side. Too bad he failed the test, he was kinda cute." Then she saw Ootat's expression had brightened and realized, "He's standing right behind me, isn't he?"

Ootat nodded and thought, "And really ticked to boot!"

And so Piper turned to face the Baron and...

TBC (next time when Ootat observes Warlock mating rituals)

Little Queen of Darkness part 4:'too bad if I made him mad enough to kill me...'

Piper suddenly moved with blinding speed, swinging the rolling pin of Piper as she came around! However the Baron matched her speed and caught her wrist!

"Your reflexes have vastly improved my queen."Blitzkrieg calmly stated, "Before my recent increase in power that would have connected even vith me expecting it."

"Well Baron, that catch was very impressive by the way,"Piper begins with a flirty smile.

"Thank you, but you vere saying?" He responds without lowering his guard or releasing her wrist.

"Well I've always had the mental reflexes to freeze bullets. Now that my goody two shoes side is no longer wanting a normal life some of that speed has gone to my physical reflexes. But you are very quick too Blitzy!"

"Blitzy??" The annoyed Baron replied and would have said more except for Piper next sentence.

With a pouty look but a calculated ploy she whined, "Maybe too quick!"

"Vhat? Vait a minute! I can be slow and" The Baron began as Piper launched a new attack!

Using her free hand she sent a wave of warlock magic at him. His body rippled like water for a split second and then returned to normal!

Stepping behind her and grabbing her left wrist, the Baron brought Piper's hands together behind her back and said, "You treacherous little vench! Vhat was that supposed to do?"

"Nothing much, just turn you into a potted plant. But you resisted transformation, I'm very impressed!" Piper said in her most sultry tone of voice.

"I'm not going to fall for another of your diabolical feminine viles my queen! The Baron said as he held both of her wrists in one hand and put his other arm around her waist pulling her close. "Somehow I think you have another trick up your sleeve and queen or not I am no ones target practice!"

"Well Blitzy, when you're right, you're right!" And with that Piper used her freezing power at maximum effect, freezing the Baron solid!' Then she slipped her wrists from his now icy grasp. Saying "Third times the charm!" However as she turned to face him again, she was struck by his lightning vision! She discovered he was totally defrosted and did so the hard way!

"I prefer three strikes and you are out!" The Baron said and added, "Like a light!" And with that he blasted Piper with his lightning vision again and again and again! Seeing that she was still conscious the Baron increased the intensity of his blasts again and again until they were powerful enough to kill a herd of rhinos!

Hammered to the floor by the attacks Piper thought, 'Well he passed all of the tests, too bad if I made him mad enough to kill me...' That was Piper's last thought before everything went black!


Little Queen of Darkness part 5:"I asked Prof Proteus to make a lie detector, not a comedian!"

Piper slowly regained consciousness, 'Maybe I pushed the Baron a little too far. My limbs are tingling and vision, oh it's coming back.' Then she realized what had been done to her and thought,'Ah nuts!'

Piper found herself imprisoned in a thick tube made of some clear material. Inside the tube was 1" diameter metal stake to which Piper was bound. What appeared to be small black cables such as used in some scanners had been used to secure her. Many coils of such cables bound her arms behind the stake above her elbows, below her elbows and at her wrists. More cables encirled her legs above her knees, below her knees and at her ankles. Still more cables went across her shoulders, below her breasts, around her waist, were threaded through the leg cables and tied to the stake as well. Finally four coils held a sponge in her mouth and being tied off to the stake, her head in place as well. Furthermore when her senses had fully returned Piper noticed that some sort of glow was around the tube which she discovered to her dismay, 'Stop me from blinking out of here! And these blasted cables don't freeze! Yep, I pushed the Baron too far! Wonder how long he's gonna keep me like this?'

About an hour later the Baron and Ootat entered the room bringing a strange machine with them. It was a metal box with various controls, a red bulb, a green bulb and a grey metal circlet at the end of a long cable. The Baron placed the machine on a table and placed the table near Piper's prison. Then he said, "Sleep vell my treacherous little queen?"

"Mmmmph!!" Piper weakly responded and gave the Baron her most pitiful look.

The Baron shook his head at this and said, "Nice try, but as the mistress of my vebsite said"

'He's got a website? And somebody running it?' Piper thought as her eyes widened in surprise.


"you are a seductive, treacherous, vitch! You have become her new role model." He continued.


'At least she has good taste!' Piper approved of the webmistress but when the Baron added,



"By the vay my staff vill have the t shirts ready for sale tomorrow."


'T-shirts?! Of all the' Piper fumed,


but the Baron continued, "I'll have to give her a bonus for the idea. But anyvay as I vas saying, I cannot trust you. Hence this machine. It's a foolproof lie detector!"

'Where would he get that from?' Piper wondered and

Sensing her question he explained, "Like your bonds and prison it is technology salvaged from when ve aided you against the menace of that fool Dr Mood!"(In T&T meets P3)

Piper rolled her eyes and thought, 'Stupid do gooding self and sisters, we should have made sure all of that was destroyed! Now because we didn't I'm not only trapped, but unable to lie without detection!'

So Piper could do nothing but fume as her fellow villians opened the side of the tube and placed the grey metal circlet around her head. "Don't vorry my queen, ve vill vatch the hair!" The Baron assured her and she thought, 'You had better watch it Baron! Mess up the hair and any alliance is off!' (Piper didn't realize just how vain she had become since turning into a warlock.) And then the Baron undid her gag to begin the questioning.

Drooping her head Piper whined, "You're being so mean to me Blitzy poo! It was just a little joke."


However at that the right bulb flashed and a computer generated voice said, "LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!!!"


"Vho the heck programmed that in? I asked Prof Proteus to make a lie detector, not a comedian!" The Baron grumbled.


Gulping Ootat thought, 'Guess I had better not tell the Baron it was my idea!'


"Vill you be good now my queen?" Blitzkrieg asked.


"No, how about I be really, really bad instead!" Piper purred.


The green light flashed at this and the Baron rephrased his query, "Vill you pledge not to attempt to do bodily harm to myself or Ootat?"


"If I have to honey." Piper almost whispered.


"Vill you pledge not to fold, mutilate or spindle any of my other staff vithout permission?" He continued.


Rolling her eyes Piper said, "Oh if you insist!"


26 questions later the Baron was finally satisfied and Piper was untied. "This has been a heck of a night." Piper said.

"Vell you shouldn't have tried to kill me three times!" He responded.

Piper leaned on him and purred, "Hey you lived, overpowered me and tied me up! Don't tell me you didn't enjoy it!" At that point the Baron raised the visor of his armor to wipe off the steam. As he did so Piper started kissing him vigorously. He of course responded in kind!

Ootat thought, 'More material for my article "Warlock Dating Habits" for Villiany Today.

TBC


Little Queen of Darkness part 6:"Yes and I know just vhere to start!"

After her shower Piper wrapped herself in a towel, followed by a short hot pink bathrobe and matching bunny slippers. As the Baron had offered her a personal massage she lay down on a padded table and taking a cellphone decided to call home. Hearing Phoebe answer the phone Piper snarled, "You're alive?! How did you get out of my trap?"

PHoebe covered the phone for a second and said "It's Piper!" So Paige picked up the other line and then Phoebe responded, "Oh please Piper, that was pathetic! I got out of that trap in under a minute!" and she thought, 'If I make Piper angry enough maybe she will return home and we can trap her!'

"AAAAAAAAARGH!!! You miserable,"Piper angrily began but then the Baron began to massage her neck and she went "ooh!"

As the Baron peeled off Piper's bathrobe, Phoebe questioned, "What was that ooh?"

"That was Blitzy-poo, oh, yes!" Piper responded as the Baron rubbed oil into her back.

"PIPER!" Paige yelped, "What are you doing?"

"Wouldn't you like to know missy?" Piper taunted.

"Don't tell me you are fooling around with the Baron, using your feminine wiles to seduce him into helping you with some dark scheme!" Paige ranted.

"OK." Piper said.

"You're not!?" Her sisters responded in relief.


"I won't tell you! Bwah, ha ha!" Piper cackled.

Since Phoebe had the cordless phone she went over to Paige, covered the mouthpiece and whispered, "I'm going to taunt Piper and get her to come home. Then we can trap her and turn her back to normal."

"I'll get the lightning crystals, the crystal cage, some potions, rope, chains and duct tape!" Paige responded.

As Paige went to gather the items Phoebe resumed talking to Piper, "Sorry I missed that rant Piper, but it couldn't have been important."

"Why you miserable bitch! When I get my hands on you I'm gonna,"Piper angrily ranted!

"Please Piper all you are doing is reminding me of Saturday Night Live." Phoebe responded smiling to herself.

"How so?" Piper asked puzzled.

"Well" Phoebe taunted, "Jane you ignorant slut, comes to mind!"

"WHAT!!?? I'll make you pay for that Freebie! Wait until I get dressed!" Incensed Piper ranted.

"Bring it on sis, it's high time I took you down a peg or two, you incompetent dolt!" Phoebe said and thought 'It's going to work!'

"You'll suffer for this Pheebs!" Piper coninued,

"So scared, only not!" Phoebe shot back but,

Suddenly Blitzkrieg took a hand and the phone saying, "Very clever, especially for you Phoebe. You are trying to lure my Little Queen of Darkness into a trap!" When he does this Piper kneels on the table and leans against the Baron so she can hear what Phoebe is saying.

"No, no we would never do that!" Phoebe responded adding, "I'm way too dumb to think of something like that!"

Ignoring her response he continued, "I bet you have crystals, potions and chains all there to use on Piper."

"Well smart guy you didn't think about the ropes and duct tape!" Phoebe angrily responded then realized what she had said thinking, 'Ooops!'

"Hey!" Piper interjected yelling at the phone, "I heard that!"

"Well hear this, you are still an incompetent loser of a warlock! Your deathtrap was lame and pathetic and we are going to take you down!" Phoebe yelled and then the phone went dead!

It went dead because Piper had angrily frozen it! Then she slumped against Blitzkrieg crying, "She's right, I'm a failure, a pathetic loser and my traps are lame!"

"Now now my queen," Blitzkrieg said, "don't cry. I vill train you in the fine art of deathtraps and then ve vill fix Phoebe but good!"

"Really?" Piper sniffled thinking, 'Perfect, he'll help me gain knowledge of the villianous world and destroy my foes! I wonder if he suspects I faked the crying thing?'

"Yes and I know just vhere to start!" He responded thinking, 'Vonder if she suspects, I suspect she faked the crying thing?'

Little Queen of Darkness part 7:"I want their cut too!"

"How will we find Piper now?" Phoebe asked in frustration.

"Keep scrying for her powers, her warlock powers that is." Leo said and continued "I'll keep looking but unless we can locate the Baron's HQ, that's our best bet!" With that Leo orbed out to continue his investigations. Phoebe kept it up another 30 minutes and then joined Paige at the Book of Shadows seeking a spell solution.

Meanwhile on a San Francisco street corner Piper tapped her boot on the pavement. She was wearing a nice short black skirt suit with a green blouse and the high heeled calf boots again thinking 'This had better be worth it! Why in the world has the Baron got a movie crew here?'

Then the Baron, Ootat and a third man Piper had met once before walked over. "My queen you remember Siegfried?"

"Oh yes from the Cannon building a few years back." Piper remembered.(in Serial Villainy IV)

Siegfried paled and ducking behind the Baron said, "I remember her and her sister too! She is a dangerous do gooder type!"

"Not anymore," Piper smirked and asked, "so does this involve our friends from CONTROL?"

"Yes my queen, Siegfried here is the bait for our trap." The Baron replied.

"I am?" Siegfried said and continued, "Why wasn't I told about this?"

"You didn't need to know. Is there a problem?" Blitzkrieg responded and,

Ootat whispered to his old associate, "Zip it Siegfried or he might sic Piper on you. You probably wouldn't survive, if you're lucky that is!"

Stepping behind Ootat for protection Siegfried said, "Problem? No of course not!"

"But what is the movie crew here for?" Piper asked.

"Because this vay der fools," The Baron gestures to the crowd of bystanders and continues, "vill think it is all fake. And so ve can kill openly and get avay vith it!"

"And we don't have to hide the cameras this time." Ootat added and then thought, 'Oops, hope she didn't catch that!"

But of course she did, "This time? Do you mean you have been filming all of the traps you put us in?"

"Yes, he has a nice line of videos and DVDs. The Serial Villiany series starring you and your sisters with occasional guest heroines." Siegfried added and then he saw how the Baron was looking at him and Ootat.

"My queen, I can explain," He began but,

"You rotten exploitative cheat," Piper began causing the Baron to think, 'Nuts, now I vill be in der doghouse for a veek!' and then she smiled and said, "where's my cut?"

"BWAH, HA, HA!" The Baron cackled in relief and said, "You had me for second my queen, but now more than ever you are my little queen of darkness!"

Piper laughed as well and embracing him said, "About my sisters,"

"Yes?" He replied

"I want their cut too!" Piper added giggling evily!

This tender scene was interrupted by a lookout reporting that "The target is a block away... and just ran over a fire hydrant!"

At that Piper laughing said, "Max hasn't changed, but at least this time he isn't on my side!" And so the villians got in position and waited...


TBC

Little Queen of Darkness part 8:"Now you have to die!""

And shortly thereafter 3 people came down the street. They were of course Maxwell Smart, Agent 99 wearing a nice short black skirt suit with a green blouse and high heeled calf boots, and a man named Abdul. They rushed up to Siegfried and whipping out his gun Max said, "Allright Siegfried, Abdul here sold you out and led us right to you! Come along quietly before," Then suddenly Max was interrupted as Piper stepped forward and froze Abdul solid! She followed that up with a kick and shattered him like glass!

Shocked 99 said, "Honorary agent P2 what are you doing?"

Smiling viciously Piper replied, "Since I've switched sides, I'm disposing of a traitorous little rat!"

"Actually" Stepping forward Blitzkrieg said, "he vasn't a traitor. He vas bringing them here at my direction."

"Ooops!" Piper said and blushed in embarassment.

""That's allright my queen, now I don't have to pay him!" THe Baron consoled her and laughed, "BWAH, HA, HA!"

Piper smiled at this and Siegfried added, "Maybe you could help me with some layoffs later this month. The spy business is bad lately."

"You too?" Max began, "Things have been slow at CONTROL"

But 99 interrupted, "MAX, this is a trap! Talk shop later!"

Unconcerned Max waved his gun at the Baron and Ootat who had walked up beside him saying, "Relax 99 it's just that 4th rate supervillain and his half pint henchman." Spinning his revolver he brough the last chamber into firing position and said," I'll take care of the Baron with my Mark 15 CONTROL Big Boom bullet!" At that Ootat dived under a car, Piper blinked behind a dumpster and Siegfried dropped down a manhole! Max aimed and fired at the Baron and BOOOOM!!!

This sent up a cloud of smoke and Ootat, Piper and Siegfried peered out from their respective hiding places. As the smoke cleared it revealed the Baron standing there unharmed! The spectators still thinking it a movie filming applauded. Max gulped stepped up to the Baron, and taking a small brush started dusting him and said, "I hope I wasn't out of line with that 4th rate supervillain crack!"

Seconds later the Baron was throttling Max with one hand while Piper and Ootat grabbed 99! 99 pleaded with Piper saying, "P2 we are your friends, you can't do this! Can you?"

Frowning Piper replied, "I did have a slight twinge of sympathy for you, until,"

"Until what?" 99 replied.

"Until I saw that you copied my oufit!" Piper retorted and added, "Now you have to die!"

Hearing this the Baron thought, 'Vomen are so vicious!'

"So what did you have in mind for Deathtraps 101 Blitzy-Poo?" Piper purred as she and Ootat hustled 99 over towards him.

Holding Smart in one hand he chuckled and said, "Vell, ve vill start vith..."


Little Queen of Darkness part 9:""Might break a nail tying knots,"

"Der cable car tracks!" The Baron concluded and indicated the tracks for the famous SF cable cars.

"Why not the RR tracks boss?" Ootat asked.

"Toomerlot has them reserved for today," Blitzkrieg explained, "something about revenge."

"Revenge is very important," Piper agreed and added, "especially my revenge on Phoebe!"

"But she's your sister P2! Come to your senses!" 99 pleaded.

Which lead Piper to yell, "Siegfried!" The villain snapped to attention and Piper instructed, "Gag her, she's annoying me!"
So the KAOS agent quickly stuffed a hankerchief into 99's mouth and sealed her lips with duct tape! "Wrap it all the way around her head, I'm tired of her mouth!" Siegfried complied wrapping the tape all the way around 99's head 3 times and thinking, 'These women are so vicious!'

Meanwhile the Baron was stuffing Max into a large box of clear tough plastic. It was the size and shape of an old phone booth and once Max was inside the Baron sealed him in with his lightning vision. "Dis is bulletproof plastic Smart," He began and continued, "so you vill get to vatch 99 die! Then you vill run out of air and join her in the hereafter! BWAH, HA, HA!!!"


Then the villains took 99 over to the cable car tracks and prepared her doom! 99's arms were brought into a hammerlock position behind her and secured with nylon ropes ties binding each wrist to the opposite elbow. More ropes went above her knees, below her knees and around her ankles. "Chop, chop let's go guys, I don't have all day!" Piper urged.

"You could pitch in and help if you are in a big hurry." Blitzkrieg responded.

Shaking her head Piper replied, "Might break a nail tying knots, I'll just supervise Siegfried and Ootat." And so she did as they laid 99 across the cable car tracks and used more ropes to attach her to them by a noose around the neck and a tether to her above knee bonds.

With the job finished the Baron explained, "In precisely 6 minutes and 15 seconds a cable car vill arrive and you 99 vill exit forever! BWAH, HA, HA!" Then he continued turning to Piper and saying, "Now my queen ve could vatch her doom or we could leave and,"

"Go shopping! For new jewels and clothes for little ole me?" She interjected and snuggling up to him purred, "You really know how to melt a lady's heart, Blitzy-Poo!"

"Vhat? I didn't" The Baron began but never really stood a chance of winning this one! So some 5 minutes later, after Piper had worked her magic on the Baron, the villians departed.

'I thought they would never leave!' 99 thought and pleaded out for help through the gag, "MMMMMMMMMPH!!!" And the spectators still thinking it a movie, applauded! 'Just great, I haven't been able to loosen these bonds, they think it's acting and Max is still in the box!' Then 99 heard some bells and turning her head saw just 3 blocks away, 'The cable car! I have only 30 seconds before I go from being agent 99 to Agent 33 x 3!'

TBC


Little Queen of Darkness part 10:"No this is San Francisco,

30 seconds ago Max was trying to cut his way out of the plastic box with his buzzsaw pen when his shoe rang. Answering it he heard the voice of the Chief of CONTROL. "Max, I just turned on the local morning news and do you know what I saw?"

"No Chief, what was it?" Max replied.

"A movie filming with YOU IN A PLASTIC BOX! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" The Chief roared.

Wincing and rubbing his ear, Max replied "Trying to get out and save 99 from being run over by a cable car."

At CONTROL HQ we see the Chief groan and rubbing his head say, "Max why don't you use your TSSL?"

"That's a great idea Chief! The TSSL never lets me down! I'm an expert with the TSSL!" Max responded and then added, "Just one thing Chief..."

"Yes Max," The Chief wearily replied,

"What is the TSSL again?" Max queried.

"It's your Thirty Second Shoe Laser Max!" The Chief replied and ordered, "Stop fooling around and save 99 already! Come back with her or not at all!"

The Chief angrily hung up and Max took off his other shoe and turning the heel, activated the laser in the toe of his shoe! The laser punched a small hole right throught he plastic and continuing on punctured a car's gas tank causing an explosion! BOOM!

Seeing this 99 thought, 'Max is using the TSSL, I'm not sure if he will save me, or kill me himself!'


Meanwhile on the cable car an elderly female tourist noticed 99 on the tracks and said, "That woman, shouldn't you stop?"


The driver shook his head and replied, "No this is San Francisco, we must respect alternative life styles!


From the seat behind her the leader of a group of Ctuhulu cultists agreed, "Yes including our right to sacrifice witches to the Great Old Ones! Have you no respect for diversity you old hag!?"


"Isn't that two of them now master?" Another cultist said indicating,


Phoebe and Paige who had just emerged from an alley with Phoebe thinking, 'Ok we tried scrying again and Piper was just in this area,' However that was interrupted as Paige noticed Max's laser beam wreaking all sort of havok. This included a destroyed fire hydrant, a fallen awning and multiple damaged vehicles! And it was about to strike them! She tackled Phoebe just before the beam hit and instead, it ripped through the underside of a large panel truck!

Inside the truck the brakes went dead and to the drivers dismay, the steering wheel came off! WHAM! The truck slammed into a lampost and the back came open. A couple of crates fell out and shattered spilling the cargo of ball bearings! The ball bearings rolled down hill and over the cable car tracks.

As 99 saw the cable car just 10' away from her it hit the ball bearings and left the tracks! As it flew over her 99 thought, 'Oh Max!' The cable car landed hard, flipped completely over, spun around 6 times and then with the help of more ball bearings ended up vertical against a nearby building!

"Missed her by THAT much!" Max said holding his thumb and index figure 1" apart before he finally finished cutting his way out of the box and proceeded to untie 99.

As he did so the shocked sisters observed the damage and Paige looked at the cable car and said, "That's impossible!"

Phoebe nudged her and pointing to Max said, "No that's Maxwell Smart!"

Little Queen of Darkness part 11:"I should have done that years ago!"

Later Max and 99 are taking Phoebe and Paige to meet with the Chief at CONTROL HQ. As the multiple sets of sliding metal doors open in front of them and then close behind them, Paige whispers, "Phoebe, why are we here?"

"They are involved in this now and they might be able to help us. Just remember they think we are part of a CIA ESP project!" Phoebe whispered back. Soon they were ushered into the Chief's office and then Max as usual demanded the cone of silence be employed to ensure secrecy!

The Chief smiled and said, "Sure Max!" Then he pressed a button and a clear plastic cone dropped down over Max's chair and only Max's chair! Max noticed this and started banging on his cone and pointing over the Chief's head.

"Is the Cone broken Chief?" 99 inquired.

Smiling broadly the Chief held a hand to his ear and gestured for Max to speak up. Then he said, "No it's fixed, I should have done that years ago!" Then turning to the sisters he said, "So Honorary Agent P3 this is your half sister Paige, is she a witch too?"

"I don't know what you mean Chief!" The surprised Phoebe stammered back thinking, 'Didn't he buy our CIA ESP story?'

"Initially I did, but I checked up on that later." He replied to Phoebe's thought.

"Did you just read my mind?" A stunned Phoebe questioned.

The Chief shrugged, "Sorry, about that, I got some treatments when I checked up on the project and can't alway control it. Max never notices though!"

"You mean there really is a CIA ESP project?" Paige asked and added "How do you know about witches?"

"Of course there is," The Chief responded and gesturing at 99 said, "I know about witches thanks to 99 here!" At that everyone looks at a surprised 99 except for Max who is pressing an ear against the cone of silence trying to hear!

Flustered 99 says, "Chief whatever are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about those longevity potions you've been putting in our coffee since 1969. After we showed no sign of aging for a decade I had some checking done. You and Siegfried visit the same Alchemist's pharmacy. Neither he or we age. Magic, witches, warlocks and demons followed from there!"

"Does Max know?" Phoebe asked pointing to Agent 86 banging on the cone of silence.

"Of course not!" The Chief and 99 responded in unison.

"Max is a dear sweet man, a good husband and father, but thinking is not one of his strong points!" 99 explained.

"So, please tell us what is wrong with P2." The Chief asked. And so Phoebe and Paige began to recount recent events, with Max still clueless inside the cone of silence.

After they finished, the Chief said, "I'll assign Max, 99, and another agent to help you."


"That's ok Chief, but we don't need," Phoebe began but,

"It's not a request." The Chief interjected, "CONTROL has been brought into this and we will see it through. You can work with us and I will do what I can to keep Piper out of jail and the press until she can be cured. Go out on your own and I'll have you on the FBI's most wanted list in under an hour!"

"In that case, we'll be happy to accept your help." Paige answered and kicked Phoebe in the ankle when she started to interrupt and whispered, "Go with it, he could be turning us over to the CIA ESP project!" At that Phoebe acquiesed.

Then the Chief finally raised the cone of silence and Max said, "Did I miss anything important?"

"No, nothing, not at all!" Was the response from everyone involved.

TBC

Little Queen of Darkness part 12:'Right, like I'm gonna buy that!'

Meanwhile Piper was racking up an impressive haul on her shopping spree. Between the clothes, jewels and shoes, the Baron had to call in additional minions to carry away all of Piper's stuff! As he pondered the bill he thought 'Good thing ve got that video shoot vith 99 today, It vill just about cover Piper's purchases!' Then Piper strutted out in her new black leather spaghetti strapped minidress, black pumps with 4" heels, new diamond necklace, diamond earrings, and diamond bracelets. Pouting she said to him, "Blitzy-poo, I heard they got away!"

"Yes Smart broke out, he can break almost anything!" The Baron replied.

"Well that bites! We failed, I'm a jinx!" Piper whined and turning away held a hanky to her eyes thinking, 'I'll do the fake crying thing again, might get some more stuff out of him! Even if I don't, practice makes perfect!'


"That's all right my queen," He massaged her shoulders and assured her, "it just means ve can try again later. Besides that imbecile Smart did massive amounts of damage saving her. He even put 20 people in der hospital!" And he thought, 'Der crying thing again? She is treacherous, seductive, and manipulative! I've chosen my queen vell, vhat a voman!'

"But weren't they bad people?" Piper asked as she stopped sniffling.

"Ja, but not our kind of bad!" He replied.

Turning and leaning on him Piper purred, "Whatever do you mean?" and thought, 'I need this kind of info.'

"Those cretins greatest ambition is to summon their god and destroy der vorld, ve vish to rule it." The Baron explained and continued, "Some vould be destroyers are a menace like that fool Mood, others are not."

"And these cultists are?" Piper inquired.

"Somevhere between vermin and insects! Really, they keep getting stopped by mere mortals. However in case they hit der lottery, it never hurts to step on them vhen it's convenient." Blitzkrieg said and added, "As a matter of fact it never hurts to kill or expend a vould be vorld destroyer. Afterall ve need something to rule and you can't trust der stupid do gooders to be sufficiently ruthless to protect our interests!"

"Oooh!" Piper said and asked, "So can we go and kill the wounded cultists? They might get lucky someday!"

"Vell," He began to refuse but Piper was making sad eyes at him and he caved, "sure vhy not!"

"Oh Blitzy-Poo!" Piper exclaimed and hugged him. Then as they started walking out she asked, "How would you expend a world destroyer?"

"Vell the cult of Chaos vith a C is in town." He responded and chuckling added, "If you vere to call Leo and tell him that,"


"The Baron wasn't evil enough. So I've joined the cult of Chaos Leo. I'm at this address, come and get me before I become the bride of one of the Chaos gods! The ritual starts in 15 minutes!" Piper taunted Leo and then hung up! "How was that?" She asked.

"Excellent my queen," Blitzkrieg responded, "At the vorst, Leo vill be busy for hours killing all of those degenerate, perverted, mutated scum! At the best they might get him eventually! Vhoever loses ve vin! BWAH, HA, HA!"

At that Piper smiled outwardly but thought, 'Leo dead? I'm not sure how I feel about that, feeding him an evil potion might be fun. That way if I ever want to doublecross the Baron, I'll have an ace in the hole!' She looked at Blitzkrieg again as he held the door of a limo for her and thought, 'Wonder if he suspects, I'm considering a doublecross later?'

As for the Baron he thought, 'Hopefully those Chaos lunatics vill get Leo. I vouldn't put it past my treacherous little queen to corrupt him and attempt to betray me! But hey, it adds spice to life!' He smiled at this thought which,

Led Piper to ask, "Why are you so happy Blitzy-Poo?"

"Der pleasure of your company my queen!" He replied and thought, 'Vonder if she bought that?'

Piper smiled back and thought, 'Right, like I'm gonna buy that!'


And so as they drove off to kill the injured Ctuhulu cultists Ootat thought, 'I can almost smell the plotting in the air. I wonder what her sisters are up to now?'

TBC

Little Queen of Darkness part 13:'Max is always wrong!'


"The other agent I'm assigning will be 333. Do you remember her P3? She piloted the CONTROL C-5 hydrofoil." The Chief asked.

"Oh! That's the one that looks almost exactly like a younger Piper, bangs and all!" Phoebe remembered.

'Is the world ready for two Piper's?' Paige thought as she digested this news.

"She is on an assignment but I will just call and pull her off of it to help you." The Chief said as he reached for his phone.

"On her shoe phone right Chief?" Max asked but,

"No Max, on her cell phone. You are the only agent left in CONTROL who still uses the shoe phone." The Chief answered and dialed for Agent 333 on his speakerphone. The phone rang for a quite a while before it was answered. "333 this is the Chief, are you there? " He asked and the answer was very odd,

"MMPH! MMPH! MMPH! MMMMMPH! MMMMMPH! MMMMMPH! MMPH! MMPH! MMPH!" Came back leading to general puzzlement in the Chief's office until,

99 said, "Chief, she's mmphing in morse code! That was an SOS, she must be bound and gagged!"

"Don't be silly 99, that's ridiculous!" Max said.

"What do you mean Max?" Phoebe asked and

"Obviously 333 is gagged and bound. That was an SOS in morse code!" Max repeated virtually the same thing as 99.

"Is usually he that dense?" Paige whispered and Phoebe nodded yes.

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPH!!!" The frustrated 333 screamed through her gag!

"Hang in there 333," The Chief assured her, "help is on the way!"

Then some more mmphs came through the phone and 99 deciphered them, "O, S," then the line went dead!

"Someone must have caught her!" Paige said and,

Phoebe added "Where is she?" as she thought , 'This CONTROL help is starting off poorly.'

"She was undercover with a suspected KAOS scientist, Dr De Minted." The Chief replied and added, "He has taken over the Cannon building."

"Dr De Minted?" Paige said in a questioning tone.

"Yes he changed his name," 99 said and smiling added, "so you see why we suspected him!"

"He appears quite fond of leggy young brunettes so I sent 333 to see what she could dig up." The Chief explained and added, "It is very odd, apart from the Dr, all of the staff are young women."

"We had better hurry." Phoebe said but,

Max said, "I wonder what she was trying to tell us with o, s?"

"We'll find out when we get there!" The three women said in near unison ignoring Max's comments. Because as Phoebe thought, 'Max is always wrong!'

However in the Cannon building 333 squirmed in her bonds and thought, 'If only I could have gotten that last letter out! With no clue as to what they are up against Max and 99 won't stand a chance!'

Little Queen of Darkness part 14:"At least we know they aren't concealing any weapons."

Arriving at the Cannon Building. The four entered and after consulting a building office index got in the elevator. "So the De Minted labs occupies the top 10 floors of the building." Paige noted.

"Yes," 99 said, "Odd that the security guard was asleep."

"This is too easy." Phoebe added.

"Don't be silly P3," Max said, "there is perfectly good explanation for that."

"Such as?" She responded.

"His budget for boobytraps and Kaos killers obviously ran out. After doing the top 10 floors he was down to lazy guards and attack poodles!"

"But if you are right that means that once we reach the 41st floor, "Paige began,

"We will be up against cold blooded killers and sinister deathtraps!" Phoebe continued

"We'll be in deadly danger every second!" 99 added

"And loving it!" Max finished.

On the 41st floor they got out and started looking for 333. They had false documents ready for any questioners but no one challenged them. All of the people around were sexy women in either miniskirts or skintight pants. "At least we know they aren't concealing any weapons." Max said and earned a dirty look from 99 for his observation.

Stopping one of the women 99 presented an SFPD id and a picture of agent 333. "We are looking for this woman. She is wanted in connection with industrial espionage."

"Oh, yes security detained her less than an hour ago. They are questioning her on the 50th floor." The woman replied

And so they got back in the elevator and headed up.

On the 50th floor they were directed to a large office where they found 333. As Phoebe remembered she looked almost exactly as Piper did when the sisters first gained their powers. She was wearing a navy blue with wide dark green stripes short sleeved dress that stopped 4" above her knees and matching blue pumps with 3" heels. She was sitting on a couch with two security guards on either side. She was as they expected bound and gagged. Her wrists and elbows were tied back with hemp ropes and more cords above and below her breasts held her arms to her body. More ropes above her knees, below her knees, around her crossed ankles and under her high heels bound her legs securely. Two strips of white cloth had been used to gag her. The first had a large knot tied in the middle, was inserted between 333's teeth, pulled deep in her mouth and tied tightly behind her head. A second wider strip covered the first from just under 333's nose to her chin. 'The sobs put the extra gag on after I did all of that mmphing in morse code. And all I did was lure them into a trap!' 333 lamented, thinking to herself. "That's her allright." 99 said and continued, "We'll just take her off your hands and down to the precinct."

"I don't think so," Dr De Minted said as he stepped into the room. He was a small (5' tall) bald man with glasses in a lab coat. Accompanying him were 6 stunning women half in skintight clothing and half in miniskirts. "It was good of you to come, especially since you will never leave this building alive!"

Max and 99 drew their guns and Max said, "Really Dr De Minted, how exactly are you going to stop us? With your army of scantily clad, unarmed women?" Waving at Phoebe and Paige, "CONTROL has them too, PHOEBE KILL!"

'I'm going to get him for this later,' Phoebe thought but leaped into action anyway thinking, 'no use in any bloodshed. Better knock them out before Max gets trigger happy!' WHAM! Phoebe kicked the closest woman in the jaw and, "OWW!" yelped as she hurt her foot!

"Ok, you asked for it!" Max said and started shooting! BLAM, BLAM, he nailed both of 333's guards dropping them and then whirling joined 99 who had opened up on the 6 women who were approaching. In a flurry of gunfire all were hit and went down! Then as Dr De Minted smiled triumphantly all of them and the guards got back up!

Seeing the shock on his adversaries faces the Dr gestured towards 333 and said, Perhaps it would enlighten you if I mentioned that the next letter that your captive spy was about to morse code was I."

"OSI?" The four said in near unison and Max said, "Don't tell me they are Fembots."

But 99 said, "Max they are Fembots!"

"99, I asked you not to tell me that!" Max grumbled.

Puzzled Paige whistled and demanded, "What the heck is a Fembot?"

"They were incredibly tough robots built to look like women for assasination and espionage purposes. Another agency the OSI, dealt with them. They caused enormous problems for the Six Million Dollar Man and the Bionic woman." 99 explained.

"And now I have recreated them to serve me! I recovered the old records of the original creators and with KAOS's help began building them. Now I need no help, now I am supreme!" The mad dr ranted and said, "Now you three ladies will serve as models for new Fembots!" Commanding his Fembots he said, "Take the women and kill Smart!"

Then he walked out as the Fembots closed in...

TBC

Little Queen of Darkness part 15:"To the cloning chambers!"


BOOOOM!!! One of the Fembots was blown apart by Max's Mark 15 CONTROL Big Boom bullet! "Aha! just as I thought they are not as tough as the Baron!" Max said.

And Phoebe demanded, "Why don't you shoot the rest of them?"

"The Chief only issues me one of those bullets at a time. Something about colateral damage!" Max explained just before a Fembot grabbed him!

"Desk!" Paige said and orbed a desk across the room and slammed it into a trio of Fembots! From there the battle dissolved into a chaotic blur! The captive audience agent 333 saw the following:

Phoebe use a charging Fembot's own momentum against her, going on her back and using her feet to propel the Fembot through the window!

Another Fembot toss Max through the hole made by Phoebe's opponents body!

99 turn screaming and being grabbed from behind by another Fembot!

Paige orb into a Fembot and materialize destroying it! Her repeating the tactic destroying Fembot after Fembot!

More and more Fembots rushing in to join the battle and tackling Phoebe.

Paige struck down from behind after destroying her 9th Fembot!

Then all of the captives were dragged from the room and the mad dr said, "To the cloning chambers!" 333 looked at him and he shrugged and said, "Ok, so they aren't cloning chambers, but I like saying that anyway!"

So the 3 new prisoners could do little to nothing to stop their captors from strapping them into metal chairs. Each of them was strapped down at the wrists, forearms, waist, lap, knees and ankles. Metal caps were fitted on their heads and strapped on under their chins. Their protests were stifled by duct tape and then clear tubes of tough plastic were lowered over them. Paige was unconscious and 99 distraught about Max's apparent demise so only Phoebe noticed, 'Three inert, faceless Fembots in identical chairs across the room! Can they possibly do this so quickly?' As if sensing Phoebe's thoughts dr De Minted smiled and twisting dials on a control panel said, "Let us begin!" With that the tubes filled with a green light and the metal caps activated! Phoebe almost felt her life draining away as the inert fembots across the room began to change!

Fortunately the process was over quickly and 'I'm still alive, more or less!' The woozy Phoebe thought as the tubes were raised and they were pulled from the chairs. The Fembots began to rebind Phoebe and 99 like 333 but the dr stopped them from doing the same to Paige. He explained, "You will recover from the effects of the imprint transfer process within the hour. Usually I would give my test subjects certain drugs to erase the memories of this and release them."

'But somehow that not going to be the case with us!' Phoebe thought and

"That's not going to be the case with you three," He began and then glancing at 333 continued, "err four CONTROl spies! The process gives only surface knowledge and personality profile for now. SO I will need to hold three of you for additional interrogation." Then gesturing to Paige he said, "This one however will require cranial analysis to see what she got from the CIA ESP project!" As Phoebe's eyes widened at this he continued, "Yes I have heard about it and now that I see what she did to 9 of my Fembots, I know it to be true!"

'So what are you going to do dissect her brain?' A tearful 99 wondered and

He answered "So I will have to dissect her brain!"

At that Phoebe, and 99 looked at each other and thought, 'Crap, Max was right this time!'

'We should have tried to figure out what 333 meant by morsing o then s.' 99 lamented

'So for once Max was right,'Phoebe concluded reasoning, 'we are so dead!'

And so moments later Paige was strapped down to a dissection table. She was secured at the wrists, forearms, waist, lap, knees and ankles. He was about to start a small circular saw towards her skull when the 99 Fembot reported, "Look master," and switching from a small security monitor to a big screen one all saw, "Smart is alive!"

And sure enough a groggy Max was staggering to his feet outside with a small parachute showing out of the back of his suit coat! 'Of course the old parachute suit trick! It was too close to the ground to fully deploy so Max must have gotten knocked out by the fall, or walked into a lampost or something!'

While 99 was happy De Minted was not and said to the 99, 333(made earlier), Paige and Phoebe Fembots, "Get Smart!"

"Dead or Alive?" The Phoebebot said.

"Dead or Deader!" He replied.

And so they left to Get Smart while the mad dr activated the saw and started it's descent towards Paige's head...

TBC

Little Queen of Darkness part 16:'Like I'm going to buy that!'

Five minutes ago Max was hanging by his parachute from a flagpole. Not able to get down right away he had been called by the Chief of CONTROL. "Hi Chief, I am just hanging around."

"Have you rescued 333 yet Max?" The Chief asked


I am having a little bit of trouble with that Chief." Max replied. "They have Fembots."

"Fembots? Well, we can always regroup and use this new info to come up with a better plan." The Chief responded but then suspicious added, "That is, just as long as you haven't lost any of your team Max." Max doesn't reply and the Chief holds a hand to his head and says, "Max don't tell me you have lost your entire team."

"OK Chief!" Max responded.

"You haven't?" The Chief said pleasantly surprised.

"No, I'm not going to tell you." Max responded

"MAX!!!!" The chief yelled so loud that it dislodged Max from the flagpole and sent him tumbling to the ground!

Meanwhile Piper, The Baron and Ootat were returning from finishing off the cultists at the hospital. Piper had changed clothes again to a dark blue skirt suit with black high heeled ankle boots. She had explained that , "The boots are better for kicking people I have frozen, BWAH, HA, HA!" And as she snuggled up to the Baron she smiled and thought, 'And since I am not wearing a blouse under my jacket, it helps keep Blitzkrieg wrapped around my finger!'

"You seem quite pleased my queen." He commented.

"It's just the thrill of the kill and of course the pleasure of your company, Blitzy-poo!" She replied thinking, 'Wonder if he bought that?'

Blitzkrieg for his part kissed Piper and thought, 'Like I'm going to buy that!'

They thought nothing of a black garbed figure on a motorcycle, that after they passed swung into traffic following them a block behind. However this agent of CONTROL quickly called the Chief who pinpointed the limos postion on a map and thought, 'They are not too far from the Cannon building. Err the last thing we need right now are more villians.' Then he smiled as inspiration struck and thought, 'Or is it?' Then he gave detailed instructions to his agent and set a desperate plan in motion!

Inside the limo, Ootat was riding shotgun and was the first to see the motorcylist hurl something at the car! SPLAT! "HEY! That sob egged us!" He yelled interrupting the ongoings in the back seat.

"Bah, ve vill hunt der fool down in good time and ..." The Baron began but

"I'll have his guts for garters and now!" The now evil, but still neatness obsessed Piper yelled. "Follow that little worm, pronto!" The driver obeyed instantly accelerating in pursuit. He looked in the rear view mirror to see if the Baron would countermand his queen, but Blitzkrieg just shrugged and thought, 'Hot blooded vench, let her have her fun for now. Vomen are so violent!'The motorcyclist led the limo on a merry chase drawing ever closer to it's destination.

Now inside the building Phoebe, 99, 333 watched helplessly as the saw got ever closer to Paige's head! "MMMMMMMPH!!!" Phoebe screamed in despair! and Paige's eyelids started to flutter which led to more muffled screams as Phoebe thought 'Wake up Paige before it's too late!'

Meanwhile outside the building the 4 Fembots approached Max who whipped out his gun and said, "Hold it right there, how do I know that you aren't Fembots?"

99bot replied, "Max what a thing to say! But if it makes you feel better ask me a question."

Seeing that the 4 were still advancing slowly Max started backing away towards the street and said, "Ok what's the square root of orange?"

"Orange is a color, it doesn't have a square root!" The Paigebot said which was of course correct by Earth logic.

However Max was using Smart logic which as the real 99 would have known went like this, "Wrong, the answer is turquoise!"

Back inside the building Paige opened her eyes to see the saw coming right for her! She instinctively orbed away to safety! This caused De Minted to scream, "AAAAAAAARGH!! Find her you fools, don't let her escape!"

Meanwhile following the Chief's instructions the motorcylist led the limo on a merry chase ending at back of the the Cannon building. The CONTROL agent jumped over some shrubbery and then abandoned the motorcycle. The limo couldn't do the same so the terrible trio piled out in pursuit. Piper and Blitzkrieg blinked after him while Ootat had to go on foot.

The CONTROl agent 401 spotted Max backing away from the Fembots and ran behind them and yelled, "Hang in there 86, agents P2 and BB will handle those Fembots! Then 401 ran as if his life depended on it. Of course with an angry evil Piper in pursuit it did depend on it!

"We aren't Fembots Max, no matter what some random moron says!" 99bot insisted as they closed in on him.

"Ok so if a triangle is happy and a circle is sad, what is a rectangle?" Max asked another Smart logic question.

"Disappointed!" Piper said from behind as she had just blinked in, quickly followed by the Baron.


"Exactly right P2!" Max said and added "Now she isn't a Fembot and neither is my old buddy Baron Blitzkrieg."


"Fembots?" Piper and the Baron said in surprise and looked at each other in puzzlement.


'If that is Agent P2 then Baron Blitzkrieg must be agent BB! Must subdue P2 and terminate BB at once!' The 4 Fembots all computed the same conclusion and turning away from Smart began their attack!

Little Queen of Darkness part 17:"it's time to pay the Piper!"


The Baron hit the Paigebot with his lightning vision, it violently shortcircuited and the faceplate fell off! 'They really are robots, err Fembots.' He realized as did Piper. Piper froze the Phoebot and then shattered it with a kick thinking, 'Too bad it's not the real thing!' Seeing two of their number so easily destroyed the other Fembots sent an emergency signal which summoned almost all of the other Fembots into the battle!

Inside the building only two Fembots remained with Dr De Minted and his prisoners. 'If only we could get loose!' Phoebe thought, 'Now we might be able to handle just two of those things!' But unfortunately for them the fembots had bound them very well indeed. All they could do was struggle in vain until Paige orbed back in! BOOM! BOOM! A pair of potions destroyed the Fembots and Paige smiled in triumph! Then the dr shot her with a tranq dart! OOOOOOH!! Paige screamed and collapsed into unconsciousness! The mad dr then went over to her and began to tie her up but he didn't notice someone enter the room behind him. WHAM! Max having slipped away from the battle below, slugged De Minted from behind and then grabbing Paige under the arms started dragging her away saying, "99, 333, P3 we had better get out of here and regroup!"

"MMMMMMMMMPh!!!" The still tied trio yelled through their gags. This caused Max to drop Paige and say, "Sorry about that!"

Five minutes later the captives had been freed and they were carrying Paige from the building. The going was slow so 333 stopped them and said, "Wait a minute, I have an antidote that might work in my purse. They put it over here, yes here it is!" She quickly administered the antidote and Paige came around. However she was almost drunk from the effects of the competing drugs, earlier ko and Max dropping her!

So when they left the building and saw Blitzkrieg and Piper finishing off the Fembots Paige said, "Run for it, I'll orb home!" And apparently she did! In no shape for battle with the villians Phoebe and the CONTROL trio took off running. However woozy as she was Paige only orbed to the other side of the building. Leaning against it to catch her breath she thought, 'Lucky Piper and the Baron didn't see that.' But someone else had!

As the disgruntled Piper and the Baron returned to the limo they found Ootat standing over an unconscious Paige. "Vhat?" The Baron questioned.

"How?" Piper stammered.

Holding up his electric stun gun, Ootat smirked and said, "I was observing the battle from the bushes, she never saw me coming!"

Piper smiled evily and lifted her sister's head by the hair and said, "Dearest Paige,it's time to pay the Piper!"

TBC

Little Queen of Darkness part 18:"as long as he brings one little thing along!"

Arriving back at CONTROL HQ Phoebe and the others were dismayed to discover Paige had not shown up. "You don't suppose the Baron got her?" 99 said.

"Or worse Piper!" Phoebe grimaced.

"Don't be silly," Max said,

"It has to be Ootat," 333 agreed,

"Nobody expects a killer midget!" Max, and 333 said in unison and then nodded at each other. Phoebe and 99 looked at each other and shrugged with 99 thinking, 'Just great, either Max is getting better,'

'or 333 is getting worse!' Phoebe concluded.

At that point the Chief got a call from, "The Baron?, yes put him through and trace the call!" Then the Chief puts the Baron on the speakerphone.

"Greetings Chief, that vas a sneaky underhanded trick you pulled vith der agent and der eggs. It really pushed Piper's buttons! And pitting der Fembots against us vas brilliant!" The Baron heaped praise upon the Chief.

"Why thank you Baron, I am glad someone appreciates my planning." The Chief replies and gives Max a dirty look.

"Yes, I do appreciate it. so much so that I vant you to vork for me!" Blitzkrieg says and offers, "For say $500,000 per year and the future governorship of New Zealand?"

Jaws drop all around the Chief's office except for Max who replies, "That's ridiculous Baron, the Chief is not for sale! He would never betray CONTROL for a measly $500,000 and New Zealand!" Phoebe, 99, 333 and the chief all nod at this until Max adds, "But for $5,000,000 and Argentina that's another story!"

"MAX!" The Chief begins but

Max waves him off and says, "Let me do the talking Chief, I'll get you a better deal. If you are going to betray CONTROL, you have to think big." Then as the Chief sputters, Max adds, "And he will need a good crooked lawyer for his treason trial!" as the Chief turns red a new voice comes over the phone.

Inside the limo with her feet resting on Paige's back, Piper leans into the phone and says "We'll give him $4.5 million and Greece as long as he brings one little thing along!"


"What would that thing be?" Max inquires.

"Bring me," Piper pauses for dramatic effect, "the head of Phoebe Halliwell!"

"That's a really good deal Chief," Max says to the red faced Chief adding, "as long as you are going to get executed for treason, you might as well get a big payday!" Then he asks, "Can the Chief use a laser? We don't keep gullotines around here?"

"MAX!!!" Everyone screams at him and then the Chief responds, "I categorically reject your offer!"

"But Chief veren't you formerly known as der Chief of Crime back in der 50's? Until one of your fellow fiends dropped der dime on you, you vere quite der master villian." The Baron says and then adds "Or so I've been told."

Everyone is looking strangely at the Chief who replies, "No that was some other handsome genius." They really start looking at him then and he continues, "Allright it was the black sheep of my family, a cousin who looks almost exactly like me. I'm sure Ootat knows where I'm coming from."

"Yes, I do have a goodie, goodie, white sheep actor in my family!" Ootat says after the Baron hands him the phone. "I mean saying de plane, de plane, what a disgrace!"

"Cousins!" Ootat and the Chief exclaim in disgust.

Leaning towards the speakerphone Phoebe says, "Not that that is resolved, what about Paige?"

Piper gets the phone back from Ootat and says, "I'm finding her a new job, BWAH, HA, HA!"

"What would that be?"Phoebe asks.

"Why don't you have a premonition and find out Feebs?" Piper taunts and adds, "If you can't then you have an hour or two to figure it out. Think about when the Baron first declared his love for me, BWAH, HA, HA!"

"PIPER!" Phoebe starts to yell but then realizes that Piper has hung up! "We have to hurry back to the Manor so I can try and get a premonition off of Paige's stuff!"

"Ah the old CIA ESP premonition trick! It works everytime!" Max said as they began to leave.

"Keep me informed." The Chief instructed.

99 nodded and said, "That was a silly ploy by the Baron, you the chief of Crime."

"Right 99," Max added "the Chief isn't smart enough to be a ex master villian!"

The Chief smiled at that and thought, 'Just keep thinking that Max.' Once they were gone he lit a cigar and puffed on it thinking, 'That was a close one! Glad they fell for the evil double trick! Though I do sort of miss the bad old days before my career change. Maybe I should try to take over the world?'

"So vhere do you vant to go vith Paige my queen?" The Baron asked back in the limo.

"I would like some nice sea air Blitzy-poo!" Piper responded and continued, "This is what I have in mind..."

TBC

Little Queen of Darkness part 19:"Like I'm not?"

Back at Halliwell Manor Phoebe had succeeded in getting a premonition about Paige. Then she had ducked into the bathroom and called repeatedly for Leo. However as Leo was still fighting the Chaos cult that Piper had tricked him into attacking, Phoebe got no response. So she no choice but to tell the CONTROL agents what she saw. 99 and 333 looked strangely at her and Max said, "Have you been drinking? That's totally ridiculous!"

"No, I haven't been drinking and I don't care how crazy it sounds!" Phoebe retorted, "Now we have to figure out where the premonition takes place!" Indulging her, 99 did a web search of nearby places and found something. When Phoebe saw it she was dismayed, "We'll never get there in time!"

"Sure we will" Max said, "as long as I drive!" And so they piled into Max's car and sped off to Paige's rescue!

Shortly thereafter Paige slowly regained consciousness. She discovered that her lips were taped, a cloth hood was over her head, her arms were taped together behind her back from her wrists to just below her elbows and that she could not move her legs. She tried to orb home but failed! 'Why can't I orb?' She thought, 'Feels like they duct taped my arms, wrapped my legs up tight in something all the way to my waist and took my blouse off!' Paige's questions were soon answered as she heard Piper's taunting voice, "I splashed you with an anti orbing potion while you were out. You won't be going anywhere until it wears off! Now Ootat will take off the hood so you can see what we have planned for you!"

And so the hood was removed and it took a few seconds for Paige's eyes to adjust to the light. Then she saw that, 'I'm wearing a bikini top and a mermaid bottom!?' She further realized that she was on some sort of platform high above the ground. Piper smirked and said, "I'm gonna remove the tape so we can have a little chat. We'll stop you if you try any spells, but feel free to scream. The crowd will think it is part of the act!"

"Act? What are you talking about?" Paige asked after the tape came off.

"Ve're here at Sea, err Ocean or Vhatever Vorld," The Baron informed her.

"And you're Millie, the Mermaid escape artist!" Ootat added.

"What?!" Paige yelped, "Piper have you lost your mind?"

"Paige," Piper sighed, "What part of I'm evil now don't you understand?"

"But Piper," Paige argued, "what have I ever done to you?"

"Well, there was the time that you kidnapped me, orbed rope around my wrists and left me for the demonatrixes to slaughter!" Piper said coldly, "Not to mention my then unborn child!"

"Well, OW!" Paige's response was interrupted by Ootat kicking her in the ribs! "What was that for?"

"Offing pregnant vomen is the act of a covardly low class vorm," Blitzkreig said, "it is a no no for villians vith class and honor!"

"Ok, so why did Ootat kick me?" Paige grumbled.

Smiling Ootat informed her, "Just part of my job!"

"But Piper I was under the influence of evil!" Paige pleaded.

Putting her arm around the Baron, Piper smirked and said, "Like I'm not?"

"But Pimmmph!!" Paige's protest was cut off as Piper shoved a sponge into her mouth! Ootat quickly covered that with several strips of duct tape to hold in the gag.

"No spells for you Paige!" Piper taunted, "Just a short wait before your big debut!"

And so it was just moments later that Paige heard an announcer introduce her as Millie, the Mermaid escape artist! He went on following the script written by Piper, "Now her assistants will tie a rope around Millies's tail," and the Baron did just above the fin. "Now she will be swung out over the pool" which caused Paige to realize 'Oh crap they are going to dangle me upside down over a tank of water!' And so they did! "Once the rope is set on fire," he continued, 'Of all the stupid traps' Paige grumbled, "Milly will have to free herself from her bonds before she plunges into the pool" 'And drowns!" Paige thought but, "And is torn apart by the waiting sharks!"

'SHARKS!!!???' Paige thought and then bending her head back saw a pair of fins in the pool below! "MMMMPH!!!" Paige screamed through the gag but according to the script.

"Millie says go!" The announcer proclaimed and so Ootat applied a torch to the rope which burst into flame! It quickly spread to engulf all of the gasoline soaked area which stopped 2 feet from Paige's mermaid fin!

"And to spice things up, Milly's assistant will now drop a packet of chicken blood into the pool!" Piper did so and "Wow that will get those sharks going!" The announcer said and Paige thought 'Oh crap!"

"Oh my queen it is like vhen you fed Dr Giggles to der sharks!" Blitzkrieg chuckled.

"You are such a romantic Blitzy-poo!" Piper giggled and then said, "Well Paige, it's been fun. But I have a reign of terror to continue, so I gotta go! Enjoy your swim!" And so they left Paige with the rope and her life burning away!

TBC

Little Queen of Darkness part 20:"Missed her by that much!"


Speeding to Paige's rescue Max's car approached the front gate of the aquatic theme park. "Aren't you going to stop?" Phoebe asked as Max showed no sign of slowing down.

"No time for that P3," Max replied "By the time I found a parking place, Paige would be shark bait!"

"Um Max," 99 warned, "the car won't fit through the entrance. It's for people not vehicles!"

"86, you aren't going to use the SWA are you?" 333 cautioned, "It's not fully tested yet!"

"No time like the present," Max replied and flipping open a panel in the dashboard he revealed a red button and said "Hang on!"

"99 what is the SWA?" Phoebe asked.

"Side Wheel Assist." 99 replied as Max pushed the button. Suddenly two small tires came out of hidden panels on the drivers side of the car. A second later small jets beneath the passenger side ignited lifting the right side of the car a foot off of the ground! Max swerved sharply to the left and the car settled onto it's side!

"AAAAAH!!!" Phoebe and 333 yelled at the sudden manuver and gulped as Max just threaded the needle and got his car through the gate.

Then he started laying on his horn and said, "OUT OF THE WAY, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!"

As parkgoers scattered Phoebe whispered to 99, "You don't seem surprised by this insanity?"

99 shrugged and smiling said, "It's just Max, being Max."

"MMMMMMMMPH!!!" Paige screamed through the gag and the crowd applauded!


"You would think she is really about to become shark bait!" A man said and added, "She's a great performer!"

Paige couldn't hear that but as she struggled in vain and the ropes continued to burn she thought, 'This will be my final performance!'

"There she is!" Phoebe cried spotting Paige's dangling form. "But how will we save her?"

"Not a problem P3," Max replied, "I'll just get the car back on 4 wheels," he pressed an button and did so. "Open the roof, and then you can grab her when I fire you from the ejector seat."

"Ejector seat?!" Phoebe yelped and then screamed "AAAAAAAAAAAH!" as she went flying through the air! Phoebe flew right by Paige and landed in the next tank over!

Holding his thumb and index finger a half inch apart Max said "Missed her by that much!"

Then the rope snapped and Paige fell towards the sharks below! 'I'm going to,' Paige was about to think die when she felt the tape all come loose! 'get free?' As Paige managed to turn her fall into a dive, Phoebe in the dolphin tank gasped out a second spell, "By my magic Paige is free, so spirits of water from the sharks help her flee!"

With that magical assist Paige surges out of the tank just ahead of the hungry sharks! And the crowd goes wild!

Little Queen of Darkness part 21:"After all it's the thought that counts!"

A few hours later back at the Baron's secret lair Piper was doing some stuff on the internet. 'Gotta find a new place to terrorize. I don't want the Baron to think he's in charge all of the time. What's this the Sunnydale scribe website? By that little pest Willow? Wonder what she's up to?' With that Piper clicked on a link to Willow's fantasies and started reading and shortly thereafter reacted "AAAAAAAARGH!!!" Ootat and the Baron rushed in to find Piper ranting, "That miserable bitch, I'll kill her!" Then as the puzzled pair watched, she turned and started pacing the other way and continued, "No that's too easy for her! I'll torture her then kill her! But first I'll show her just who is the best evil witch! BWAH, HA, HA!!!!" Piper finished her rant and started cackling madly!

"What's up boss?" Ootat asked.

"I have no idea," Blitzkrieg replied, "but you have to love a vench vho laughs like that! Besides murder and torture sounds like fun!"


"Just look at what that bitch has been writing about me!" Piper noticing them indicated the website and shrortly thereafter,

"So this stupid vitch fantasizes about," Blitzkrieg began,

"Enslaving me!" Piper angrily finished.

"And your sisters too!" Ootat added.

"Yeah, but who cares about them?" Piper snapped.

"Good point!" The Baron said and Ootat nodded in agreement. "And as for this Villow vench I agree you should punish her for her effrontery and take pre emptive vengeance!"

"After all it's the thought that counts!" Piper concluded smiling evily.

"But what about your revenge on Phoebe?" Ootat inquired.

"I have had an epiphany about that and it can wait." Piper responded "I realize now that deep in her heart goody, goody Piper resented Phoebe being off after Cole when Prue died. Now however I realize that there is no need to feel that way anymore. Afterall if Prue were still alive she would cause us much more trouble than Phoebe. I would need to kill her myself! As it is we have nothing to worry about from my sisters. We can deal with them at our leisure since they can't stop us!"

"Your thinking grows more ruthless and evil my queen." Blitzkrieg responded, and continued, "It makes me so proud of you!"

"Oh Blitzy, you say the sweetest things!" Piper says melting into his arms and thinking, 'I wonder if I really have him wrapped around my finger now? At the same time Blitzkrieg was thinking , 'I vonder if she thinks I am vrapped around her finger now?

Ootat fanned himself and thought, 'It's getting hot in here again!'

TBC

Little Queen of Darkness part 22:"I'm your man!"

Back at CONTROL HQ the next morning the Chief got off the phone and informed them, "Word from our informants is that the Baron's staff has asked KAOS to help them track down one Willow Rosenburg, interesting."


"And der vord is that she has returned to Sunnydale and gone evil again." The Baron said to Piper at the same time at his secret lair.

"Good Willow, bad Willow, who can keep track of that twit?" Piper responded smirking, "Either way she's going to pay!


"Apparently she is gathering a bunch of low grade morons around her." The Chief continued and

Max responded, "I thought everyone left town?"

"Sorry Max, you're right." THe Chief responded thinking 'This time anyway!' and continued, "The citizens of Sunnydale have left. I was referring to those idiots who think they are vampires!" He concluded winking at 99, 333, Paige and Phoebe.

"Of course chief, afterall vampires don't really exist!" Max responded while the Chief smiled knowingly and the ladies all rolled their eyes.


"Apparently she has some idea of reopening this Hellmouth or whatever," Ootat continued and she has also sent a call for help to her friend Buffy. Who doesn't know she is walking into a trap!"

"Well if I wasn't going to fix Willow but good," Piper replied, "I would approve."

"As it is, ve vill take care of Villow, her minion, Buffy and dis Hellmouth too!" Blitzkrieg enthused rubbing his hands together.

"This is awful," Phoebe said concluding, "Piper must be planning on teaming up with evil Willow against us!

"We'll need to get there first, maybe even infiltrate her minions if we can!" 99 added.

"Leave that to me 99," Max said, "when you need someone to impersonate a stupid bloodsucking moron, I'm your man!"

Max was pleased to see everyone nod in agreement not knowing that the Chief thought, 'Yes Max, you are perfect for that job!'

TBC

Little Queen of Darkness part 23:'Why do I think her evil has gotten a lot more personal this time?'

After a quick flight to an airport near Sunnydale the sisters and CONTROL agents took a van the rest of the way. Arriving just after dark, thanks to a little scrying they quickly discovered Dark Willow's lair. Max dressed in black with faux vampire fangs, and a black cape prepared to enter the cave. "Remember your holy water bombs Max. If they discover you are not a vampire you'll need them until we can get there to help you!" 99 instructed.

"And take these special super secret CIA chemical compounds." Phoebe said handing him a couple of potions and continued, "if you get in trouble just toss them and run!"

"Remember you'll be surrounded by merciless killers and a psycho bitch from hell!" Paige added.

"You'll be facing deadly danger every second!" 333 concluded.

"And loving it!" Max answered with his usual brainless courage.

While they were having this conversation they didn't notice one Buffy Summers entering the cave and walking into Dark Willow's trap. However moments later Max having made his way into the cave and down a tunnel, bluffed his way past some brainless vampire guards and into a large underground cavern. Said cavern was lit by blazing torches along every 10' of wall.
In the cavern he saw over 20 vampires, the dusted remains of several other vampires, a red headed woman dressed in black robes sitting on a stone throne, and a familiar woman struggling to her knees before Dark Willow's throne. Just having revived from Dark Willow's attack Buffy found herself, 'Chained and gagged?' Taking stock of her situation she discovered, 'Three sets of handcuffs locking my arms behind my back at the wrists, forearms and elbows, dozens of chains holding my arms to my body, more chains above my knees, below my knees and around my ankles and Willow gagged me with a sponge and lots of duct tape too! Why do I think her evil has gotten a lot more personal this time?'

"Hey who are you?" Dark Willow called out to Max, yeah you with the cape!"

Bowing at the waist Max replied, "Count Maxula of the TAV at you service dark one!"

"What's the TAV?" Dark Willow asked and

Max replied, "The Transylvanian Alliance of Vampires my dear!"

"COOL! Real European vampires working for me!" Dark Willow enthused and gesturing to Max continued, "Come on down and meet my minions and my bitch Buffy!"

'Yep, it's gotten more personal with Willow this time and she sound nuttier than ever! How can this get worse?' Then she recognized Max and paling thought, 'It just got worse!'

TBC

Little Queen of Darkness part 24:'They just have to torture me first don't they!'

Listening from the van to a hidden microphone Max was wearing, the sisters, 99 and 333 heard the following.

Max taling with Dark Willow and asking, "Well Darth Pillow,"

"That's Dark Willow, Count Maxula!" She corrected.

"Sorry, it's my accent." Max replied and as Dark Willow nodded he continued, "So how did you become evil again? The underworld is dying to know!" 'And so am I!' Buffy thought as kneeling in her chains she bristled at Willow petting her on the head!

Willow giggled and replied, "Well I got in this lovers spat with my girlfriend, know what I mean?"

"Exactly," Max replied "hate it when that happens!"

"ANd I sort of, accidentially ... turned her to stone! BWAH, HA, HA!"

"HEH, HEH, HEH!" Max laughed along with her and thought, 'She's even crazier than the Baron!'

"And I couldn't figure out how to turn her back, oops!" Willow grinned evily.

"These things happen," Max replied "and so?"

"And so I was evil again!" Dark Willow threw her arms up and smiled.

"Max started to sing, "She's evil again, she's nobody's friend, Dark Willow's evil again!"

"I don't believe he's doing that!" Paige muttered in the van but more familiar with Max the others thought, 'Believe it!'

"That's great, Count!" Dark Willow enthused "Everybody sing, and dance! Konga line boys!" And so a konga line dance lead by Max and Dark Willow with all the vampires began as they sang her new theme song! In the middle of this Buffy thought, 'They just have to torture me first don't they!'

No one noticed that a small remote controlled camera rat had entered the cave moments before. Sent in by one of the Baron's advance men it broadcast the proceedings to a speeding 18 wheeler. In the back of the truck in addition to cargo was a mobile command post. It had communications equipment, plush furniture, a full kitchen and bar, a large screen TV, a bathroom, shower and more. Watching this on the big screen tv the terrible trio had the following reactions. Ootat thought, 'Amazing! This broad is dumber than Smart!' The Baron stifled a laugh thinking 'Has anyone ever had a more inappropriate name?' Piper however had darker thoughts, 'Miserable bitch! How dare she have a theme song when I don't! Gotta do something about that!'

TBC


Little Queen of Darkness part 25:"Silly boys, leave this to me!"

Loading an uzi in the van the dressed in military fatigues 333 said, "We need to put this Willow down like a mad dog! Let's kill her before your sister and the Baron arrive!"

"That's a bit harsh." 99 objected.

"Maybe we could whip up a potion to cure her, like we hope to do to Piper!" Phoebe said.

"No need to be hasty and rush to judgement." Paige agreed.

Just then the konga line stopped and Dark Willow said to Max, "And the stupid thing is what she was mad over Count."

"And what was that my dear?" Max replied trying to sound countlike.

"She looked on my website and found my story about kidnapping and enslaving the Halliwell Sisters!" Dark Willow replied. At that Max thought, 'Ok, wonder how that went over topside?'

"Of course, we could bind her powers." Phoebe said now less sure of herself.

"Or vanquish her sorry butt!" Paige suggested.

"Or kill her!" 333 insisted as she added more weapons to her arsenal.

"Maybe we could mangle her a bit?" 99 proposed.

"Let's KILL HER!" 333 yelled.

At that point Dark Willow began detailing some of her other plans to a shocked Max. "I'll also want to flay a few random do gooder types!"

"Fillet?" Max asked.

"No silly! Flay, you know remove their skin!" She replied.

"Why?" Max asked.

"Because I can!" She replied, "Oh and so stupid people like Xander won't think they can try and turn me good again, so people will fear me, but mostly because I can! BWAH, HA, HA!"


"Or we could just kill her." Phoebe said and the others nodded in agreement! With that the four phenomenal females readied themselves for an attack!

At that point a robot recon bat joined the camera rat in the cave and began transmitting back to the Baron's mobile command post. "Hey boss," Ootat said, "the recon bat's sonar is picking up another cave at the rear of that one."

"Must be concealed vith a hologram of some sort," Blitzkrieg mused rubbing his chin and asked, "is that bat equipped with infrared?"

"No boss, that's the new model," Ootat replied, "it won't be out until next month."

"Silly boys," Piper said and slinking to the TV screen said, "leave this to me!" Then she laid her hands on top of the screen and chanted, "Oh glowing big screen, hear the words of Blitzy's dark queen, let all in that cave that is concealed, by my magic be revealed!" With that she stepped back and

"Look at all those critters in that hidden cave!" Ootat exclaimed.

"I didn't think that vench had the brains for such sneakiness!" The Baron added.

"She doesn't" Piper said and pointing at a vampire said, "Here is the real brain behind that! A ghost hiding in a vampire so to remain unseen even to witches! The ghost of one of my greatest enemies, a ghost burning for revenge on me and my sisters! The ghost of ..."

Little Queen of Darkness part 26:"And you are going to be the other white meat!

"the Seer!" Piper announced and continued, "She's evil, cunning, manipulative and treacherous!"

"So vhat are her bad points?" Blitzkrieg asked thinking, 'So she is like my queen vithout der looks!'

"She's a little too good at the treachery part." Piper responded. Blitzkrieg nodded thinking, 'Yes, Piper is about as good at treachery as I can tolerate. And I only tolerate her because I am a fool for love!' "If only we knew what she was thinking!" Piper continued.

"So why don't you cast another spell so we can hear that too?" Ootat asked.

"I can't do that" Piper intially said but considering the idea continued, "or can I?"

"Ve are still a few minutes avay so you have time to try my queen." The Baron responded and added, "Afterall you are not just der most beautiful and desirable of vomen but der smartest as vell!" as he thought, 'Even if she can't a bit of flattery never hurts vith my vain little queen of darkness!'

"You are so right Blitzy-poo!" Piper responded and thought, 'Is that flattery or do I really have him that fooled? Oh well better work on that spell!'

Meanwhile in the cave Max bumped into a vampire and accidentially dropped one of his holy water bombs! It went off instantly destroying two vampires! This caused even the slow witted vamps to realize and Dark Willow to say, "You're no vampire, you're a spy!" And so her eyes darkened and the vampires closed a circle around Max.

"HOLD IT!" Max yelled, "That's right, I'm not one of you weirdo's, I am Maxwell Smart Agent 86 of CONTROL! If you know what is good for you, you will all surrender at once!"


Confused Dark Willow asked, "Why should we do that?"

"Because this cavern is surrounded by my backup," Max responded, "5000 CONTROL killer robots, would you believe that? 5000 CONTROL killer robots! " Dark Willow and the vampires flinch at this and for the first time ever one of Max's bluffs appears to be working!

At this point Piper got her spell working and the terrible trio heard the Seer think, 'This fool is falling for it! I must try and influence her feeble little brain!' And so the Seer concentrated on Dark Willow who shook herself and said, "That's kinda hard to believe."

"Would you believe 300 hungry cyborg grizzlies?" Max responded and smiling added "And you are going to be the other white meat! Would you believe that 300 hungry cyborg grizzlies?"

The vampires retreat behind Dark Willow but with a mental nudge from the Seer she gulped and said, "No!"

"How about the local high school marching band?" Max said as he backed away.

"Kill him!" Dark Willow directed and the vampires started closing in on Max ...


TBC

Little Queen of Darkness part 27:'Do I have to do everything myself?'

Another of the holy water bombs took out a few more vampires and then, BOOM! One of the potions Phoebe had given Max fried a few more. Angrily Dark Willow was about to kill Max when BLAM, BLAM, BLAM! The calvary arrived! 333 having pumped a trio of bullets into Dark Willow's back followed them up by emptying her entire 30 round clip into the psycho witch's body! Then drawing a large knife she said, Take care of the vamps, I'll cut her head off just to make sure!"

"Forget her 333, this is no time to be mutilating the dead!" 99 replied and dragged 333 into the battle with the vampires! Potions spells and CONTROL weapons flying the vampires were quickly all dispatched except for the one the Seer's ghost was hiding in. She thought and Piper, the Baron and Ootat heard, 'Curses! I can only use the power I retained from the Colespawn on other evil beings! I have kept this vampire intact for now but haven't even had a chance to unleash my hidden minions! I keep getting tossed around by all of these explosions!'

However at that point Dark Willow stood back up and attacked with dark lightning! "FOOLS! I can heal physical damage! Bullets can't kill me! You will all be my bitches now!"

Max, 333 and 99 all fell to the dark lighting almost instantly. Phoebe and Paige with innate resistance from their own magic were on the ground but still awake and Paige thought, 'Bullets can't kill her, but what about this?' With that Paige orbed!

"You can't escape that way!" Dark Willow raved and was about to seal the cavern from orbing when Paige materialized inside her! BOOM! Dark Willow exploded just as Cole had done when Paige did this to him years ago! Unlike the mighty Belthazor, Dark Willow did not reform!

'Do I have to do everything myself?' The Seer thought and racing across the cave struck down Paige from behind! Phoebe tossed one of her few remaining potions destroying the vampire and revealing the Seer! Smirking the Seer then laughed at Phoebe and using her dark energies reintegrated Dark Willow! As the confused Dark Willow reappeared the Seer also dropped the illusion at the rear of the cavern and summoned forth her other minions and said, "I have saved your miserable life so you can destroy the Charmed Ones for me! In addition I have also unleashed some demons I had collected in Los Angeles a while back and put in suspended animation." Gesturing to a large horned creature she continued, " This included the Beast whom I also ressurrected. Now do you think you can finish destroying the witches for me?"

"Sure!" Dark Willow responded and from a dark corner of the cavern caused hemp ropes to fly forth and bind Phoebe! Her arms tied back strictly at the wrists and elbows, her legs bound at the knees and ankles Phoebe could do nothing to resist as Dark Willow shoved a sponge in her mouth and started wrapping tape around her head. However as everyone was watching this no one noticed that the Seer had suddenly gone quiet! "Now I am the most powerful witch of all!"

"Really?" A voice said from behind and everyone whirled to behold Piper resplendent in black leather holding a bottle containing the Seer's ghost in one hand and the Rolling Pin of Piper in the other. Baron Blitzkrieg flanked her on the right and the heavily armed Ootat on the left. Tossing the bottle over her shoulder Piper said "Why don't we test that out bitch?" With that the two sides rushed into battle!

Up next time:
Piper vs Dark Willow
Baron Blitzkrieg vs the Beast
Ootat gets the leftovers as usual!



TBC


Little Queen of Darkness part 28:"We call it small change!"

Piper and Dark Willow launched virtually simultaneous attacks! As a result Piper's dark freezing and Dark Willow's lightning collided in mid air canceling each other out! "Hey you can't do that!" Dark Willow whined, "I'm fast, I froze a grenade!"

"Big deal," Piper snapped back, "I've frozen bullets in flight 3 times, including automatic weapons fire!" With that both launched new attacks which struck home! Piper felt a sharp pain all over her body but fought it off with the power of her own magic. Dark Willow felt like she was being twisted and changed but resisted as well.

She complained, "You still have your skin! You were supposed to be flayed!"


"And you were supposed to be a goldfish!" Piper growled back.

Meanwhile demon after demon was falling before Ootat's uzi and Baron Blitzkrieg's lightning vision and iron fists! Watching a demon explode after being hit by one of Ootat's bullets Phoebe thought, 'What has he got in those things?' If she could have read Ootat's mind she would have discovered him thinking, 'Stupid KAOS penny pinchers! They wouldn't buy Prof Proteus's power pellets since they were costly and less powerful than CONTROL'S Big Boom Bullets. But a fraction of the blast will do when you can have whole clips of them! Great for demon killing!' At that point the Baron snapped the neck of another demon and was struck a mighty blow by the Beast! 'That nutjob is dead now!' Buffy thought, 'The Beast might even be stronger than Glory was! So this Baron is going to smile?!' A trickle of blood came from Blitzkrieg's mouth and smiling he said, "A vorthy challenger perhaps? Excellent, it has been too long since I unleashed my full unfetttered fury! ZAPPPP! ZAPPPP! ZAPPP! Lightning bolt after lighting bolt hammered the Beast back into the cavern wall and then the Baron charged and SMASH! 'They went right through the wall,' Ootat thought, 'leaving me alone against a dozen of these demon goons! COOL!'

Piper blinked behind where Dark Willow had been standing only to see her enemy had done the same thing! The warring witches snarled at each other and repeated the attempt. 'But not a third time Piper thought as she whirled in place just as Dark willow appeared and started to drain her power! However only a split second elapsed between Dark willow starting the drain and WHAM BOOM! The rolling Pin of Piper connected with her head! The strength of 100 lead pipes and a blast of Piper's good side's explosive power came through and sent Dark Willow crashing through a wall! Severely battered she thought, 'Without the power I just stole from Piper that would have koed and maybe even killed me!' Seeing Piper blink in after her Dark willow hurriedly raised a force field as WHAM BOOM, Piper struck! WHAM BOOM, WHAM BOOM, WHAM BOOM, Piper, smelling blood, relentless hammered away at her injured opponent! The force field collapsed with the 7th blow and Piper hammered Dark willow into the ground with the 8th blow nearly killing her! As she mercilessly rained more blows down on her now defenseless foe she realized, "Ah nuts, my spells and potions wore off! I need to recharge my rolling pin!"

"But how," Dark Willow moaned, "I stole enough power from you to teleport halfway across the world. How can you be so strong?"

Smirking Piper raised her rolling pin and said, "In my family we have an expression for that kind of power. We call it small change!" Then Piper brought the rolling pin down again and Dark Willow saw nothing more!

TBC


Little Queen of Darkness part 29:"Vhat's going on here? Have you doublecrossed me?"


Meanwhile Phoebe could do little but observe Ootat's battles with the Seer's demonic minions. As she watched the midget menace gunned down 6 of them with his strange exploding bullets! Then the uzi jammed and he hurled it at a demon! 'Well that's it for one pint sized assassin!' She thought just before, KABOOOOOM! The uzi exploded taking out two of the remaining demons! Then she saw him pull a large handgun and realized, 'With several large caliber bullets to the head you can actually decapitate a demon with a gun! Err, make that two demons! Too bad he's out of ammo now. So long Ootat, I won't miss you!' Phoebe thought as she saw Ootat roll between the legs of a demon and dash into the cavern they came from.

'I'll just play keep away from those last two until the Baron or maybe Piper helps me.' Ootat thought as he dashed into the cave trusting to his well honed instincts to alert him to any lurking demons. Imagine his surprise when he was virtually tackled by a frantic female form! "Help! I've been stuck in suspended animation with those demons for months! I knew time was passing slowly but that eventually they would tear me limb from limb! You've got to save me!" She said shaking Ootat. At that point the remaining demons cautiously entered and Ootat sighing drew something from his coat. The demons flinched until they saw it was a letter opener. Then smirking they moved in for the kill!

Humming merrily Piper dragged Dark Willow back into the main cavern by her hair. Then as Phoebe watched Piper began casting spells. Shortly thereafter the head of the Beast appeared in the hole in the wall created by his battle with the Baron. 'So long Baron, I won't miss you!' Phoebe thought and Buffy concluded, 'I knew that looney didn't stand a chance against the power of the Beast!' Then as Piper noticed this, Baron Blitzkrieg stepped forth holding the head by the horns. "Whatever are you up to , Blitzy-poo?" Piper purred.

"Just a small trophy in your honor my queen." He replied.

"You ripped off his head just for little ole me?" Piper enthused, "How sweet!" An so Piper went up to Blitzkrieg embraced and kissed him thinking, 'I may be laying it on a bit thick but this is kinda cool! Leo never brought me a severed head before!'

Phoebe and Buffy looked at each other in shock and Phoebe thought, 'I have got to figure out a way to cure Piper before it's too late!'

However this tender scene was interrupted as Ootat emerged from a cavern with a short slender brown haired woman in tow. The woman was saying, "You were magnificent in there! Size doesn't matter, you're my hero!"

"OOTAT!" The Baron and Piper yelled in unison, "Vhat's going on here? Have you doublecrossed me?"

Red with embarrasment Ootat replied, "No boss, it's all a big mistake. This Fred babe,"

Piper and the Baron look at each other and she whispers, "Fred?"

"Has been stuck with these demon goons for months in suspended animation. She has gone half crazy with fear and thinks I rescued her when I offed those demons in self defense. Now she thinks I'm"

"My little hero!" Fred said and kneeling in front of him kissed him vigorously!

Turning away Piper and the Baron were able to step out of sight just before breaking into uncontrolled laughter! "Ve could let Ootat off the hook,"

"But where's the fun the that!" Piper concluded and so they returned to the flustered Ootat and,

"Take you new girlfriend to der truck and strap her in so she doesn't vander off and hurt herself." Blitzkrieg instructed and as the embarassed Ootat hastened to comply he added, "And don't forget to bring back der NBB! BWAH, HA, HA!"

And so moments later Ootat returned carrying a small box. He noticed that in the meantime the Baron had bound and gagged Paige, 99 and 333 just like Phoebe was secured. Then he had put all of them and Buffy in a circle and bound them together with ropes around their waists. Currently he was securing Dark Willow. Much like the others she had been tied with Her arms tied back strictly at the wrists and elbows, her legs bound at the knees and ankles. However ropes had gone above and below her breasts as well crushing her arms to her body and a rope had been run from her ankle bonds to the elbow ropes hogtying her. Ootat also noticed, 'Piper must really be mad, the Baron has tied this Willow chick a lot tighter than the other broads. Wonder why she isn't gagged yet?'

At that point Piper froze the ground right in front of Dark Willow's face and the shock revived her. "Now about my revenge!" She said.

"But I haven't done anything to you!" Dark Willow objected.

"You wrote a story about enslaving me!" Piper responded and gestured to Ootat who kicked Dark Willow in the ribs thinking, 'I love my job! I just hope that Fred chick isn't going to make me lose it!'

"Ow!" Dark Willow yelped and replied, "It wasn't just you, it was your sisters too!"

"Well yeah, but who cares about them!" Piper replied neither noticing or caring the dirty look Phoebe gave her.

"But I didn't actually do it?" Dark Willow whined.

Patting the Baron on the shoulder, "Blitzy-poo has taught me all about pre emptive revenge!"

"It was just a story on a website," Dark Willow growled, "what are you the thought police?"

At that point Ootat produced a badge inscribed, Inspector Ootat, Thought Police! "AAAAAARGH!" Dark Willow screamed in frustration and through gritted teeth asked, "So what are you going to do? Leave me in one of the Baron's death traps?"

"Oh no," Piper replied and waving at the other prisoners of whom all but Paige had now awakened. "we are going to put them in a deathtrap. You we are going to take away, torture you and then kill you!"

"Ooh!" Dark Willow said and thought, 'I've never been tortured before!'

Then tired of Dark Willow's mouth Piper had Ootat gag her and then said, "Now Blitzy-poo about that deathtrap!"

Little Queen of Darkness part 30:"I thought you killed him!"

'Why doesn't Paige wake up?' Phoebe wondered, 'Her orbing could get us away from here!'

Almost sensing her thoughts Piper said, "Ootat did you sedate Paige as I instructed?"

"Yes," He responded, "She won't be awake for hours!"

'I didn't notice that, sneaky little rat!' Phoebe thought and then realized, 'hey Max is missing!'

At that point Blitzkrieg removed a round ogject from the box and placed it on a rock. Then he began doing something to it

when from beneath a pile of demon bodies Max staggered to his feet. "Hey! Smart's alive!" Piper yelled and turning to

Blitzkrieg said, "I thought you killed him!"

Pointing to Ootat the Baron said, "I thought you killed him!"

Ootat of course pointed at Piper and said, "I thought she killed him!"

WHAM! Piper smacked Blitzkrieg with the now powerless rolling pin and said, "If you weren't so messy with the bodies, I

would have noticed this earlier!"

"But my queen," He responded, "now that you are evil, you don't have to be neat."

"I choose to be evil and neat!" Piper snapped back and said, "So who kills Smart?"

"No need to argue over me," Max interjected "you can get back to me on this. Say August 15, 2022?"

"Nice try Smart," Blitzkrieg responded and started advancing towards Max, "but you must die before your incredible luck or

invincible stupidity ruins my plan to destroy this place with the NBB!"

"No not the NBB!" Max yelled, "That's inhuman, unethical, despicable and in violation of zoning regulations! Anything but the

NBB!"

"Thank you!" THe Baron responded, "But flattery von't save you now."

"Just one thing Baron," Max asked.

"Yes?" He responded.

"What's an NBB?" Max asked as 99 and 333 rolled their eyes.

"It's a Nuclear Bowling Ball with a 1 kiloton yield." Baron Blitzkrieg explained.

"Can I borrow it this weekend?" Max asked, "My old bowling ball is kind of worn."

"Nein, now you die Smart!" The villian said and eyes glowing prepared to unleash a deadly blast of lightning vision.

"Wait!" Piper yelled, "Don't do it!"

"Vhat? Vhy not?" The befuddled Baron asked.

"With his ungodly luck something disastrous will happen." Piper explained, "Either some CONTROL gadget will reflect it back

at us or he will fall and you will collapse the cave instead or..."

Ignoring her Blitzkrieg fired and the bolt hit just short of Max and rebounded into the Baron!

"Told ya so!" Piper smirked as the Baron picked himself up off the ground.

"The new CONTROL reflector field belt buckle," Max said and nodding to Piper said, "thanks for reminding me to turn it on

P2!" As he thought 'Good thing I forgot to turn it on earlier. It only has one charge, but they don't need to know that.'

Then as the angry Baron started forward Max dashed off down a tunnel thinking, 'I've got nothing that can stop that madman.

Better lose him and call for backup!' So Max fled deeper and deeper into the Earth until he came to a dead end. In this last

cavern was a gaping pit with red light coming from far, far below. The sprinting Smart stopped just short of the pit. 'At

least I lost the Baron.' He thought as he turned and walked right into the villian! Max stumbled back away from him and

tumbled over the edge!

After Baron Blitzkrieg returned to the main cave and told the others what had happened Piper said, "That's cruel and unusual

punishment Blitzy!"

"Smart deserved it!" He replied.

"I meant for the demons," Piper responded, "you have inflicted Maxwell Smart on them for all eternity!"

Moments later the NBB had been set with a 30 minute timer and the terrible trio left with the Baron carrying Dark Willow by

one of the ropes like a suitcase. "Have fun, vhile it lasts! BWAH, HA, HA!" He taunted as Ootat started the timer. 'So we

have less than 30 minutes to escape our bonds and disarm a nuclear bomb?! We should have stayed in SF!' And so the four

conscious females began desperately trying to escape as the clock ran down! Twentyfive minutes later they had accomplished

nothing except exhausting themselves. and clock kept running ...


Little Queen of Darkness part 31:"Throw him back!"

Meanwhile in the Hellmouth dimension a week had passed for every minute on Earth. Which meant that Max being Max had done a

lot of damage! "Sorry about that Lord Azabazakam!" Max said as he stood amidst the ruins of the demon's fortress.

Lord Azabazaroth started to correct Max on his name for the 37th time but gave up thinking, 'This idiot will not stay dead

here because no mortal does, so I can't kill him. He's driven all of my best torturers insane. Doesn't even seem to feel pain

since he thinks this is all a trick! I see why my rival sent him here! I'm the last demon lord to get this accursed human so

I can't get rid of him that way. He destroyed my dungeons of despair by accident! Only one thing left to do." Gesturing to

some minions he said, "Throw him back!" They hastened to comply while the rest of his minions cheered and began chanting his

name!

So Max was spit out of the Hellmouth. "Well that was rude." Max said as dusting himself off and heading back up the tunnel.

Arriving back in the main cavern Max headed straight for the NBB.

"MMMMPH!" 333 and 99 tried to attract his attention thinking, 'Get us free you don't know how to disarm a nuke!"

"Not now 99, I have to disarm the NBB" Max turned to them and said as he walked into the NBB and knocked it to the floor!

Four hearts almost stopped beating as the NBB with it's timer now at :59 hit the floor! Then it started rolling down the

tunnel! Max gave chase and dived for it as it approached the Hellmouth! He "Missed it by that much!and the NBB plunged down

the pit and entered the Hellmouth. It was once theorized before the first Atomic test that it would set off a chain reaction

and destroy the world. Of course it didn't, however the Hellmouth dimension operates under much different laws of physics and

KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!! "Ooops!" Max said and thought 'Better not tell the Chief I nuked the KAOS underground base. The EPA

will be on our case! But really trying to fool Maxwell Smart with that stupid Hell dimension setup!'

Meanwhile things were going poorly for Dark Willow. After cutting off her black robe and leaving her in her t shirt and

bluejeans the Baron hung her upside down from the roof of the truck. Then a strange helmet had been put on her head and

strapped under her chin. "So the DVD goes here and the CD goes here?" Piper questioned.

"Right my queen," The Baron replied and then addressing Willow said, "Ve vill start vith a little light torture."

Dark Willow snickered and thought, 'I don't mind pain, heck sometime I even like it!'

"Dis virtual helmet has motion sensors so that if you close your eyes der movie stops and der songs begin." Blitzkrieg

continued. and finished "So I give you GIGLI!"

"MMMMMMMMPH!!!" Dark Willow screamed through the gag as the worst movie ever began playing and then shut her eyes which

caused the cd to play, "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family!" Dark Willow's eyes snapped open in horror and Gigli

resumed.

"So either you vatch the vorst movie ever or you listen to Barney's greatest hits, BWAH, HA, HA!" The Baron cackled.

'This is inhuman!' Dark Willow thought, 'Can't let them break me! Can't they just use electric shock?'

"Gigli and Barney, a historically terrible movie and wholesome kiddie songs!" Piper smirked and leaning back into the Baron

said, "We may just turn this psycho bitch into a drooling moron!"

"And ve have only just begun!" The Baron concluded before the two embraced laughing!


Little Queen of Darkness part 32:'How can anyone get bored with torture?'

Arrving back at CONTROL HQ, Paige having just recovered from being drugged said, "I can't believe you tried to bluff Dark

Willow with Cyborg Grizzlies! That's totally ridiculous!"

"Don't be silly Paige," Max responded, "After the USSR fell we hired some out of work mad scientists and gave them full

funding. They grew genetically engineered Grizzlies and outfited them with CONTROL weapons. They're good people and fine

agents."

"Maxwell Smart, you are totally idiotic" Phoebe began ranting not noticing a large door opening down the hall. Paige however

noticed a huge shadow and slapping Phoebe on the arm pointed behind them. Where stood 3 grizzlies standing erect on their

hind legs . They had a number of attached weapons, body armor over the chest and targeting lenses over their right eyes!

"Hi Boris, Ivan, Ivana!" Max greeted them and said, "We could have used your help not long ago!"

'He's talking to grizzlies,' Phoebe thought and then Ivan replied, "Hi Max!" 'And they talk back!' Phoebe thought and pinched

herself to make sure she wasn't dreaming. "We've been busy too," Ivan continued, "The Chief found out a small war was going

on and we had to help the good guys, err guy. So Hymie, the 5 new CONTROL killer robots and us went and helped this guy out!"

"You actually have killer robots and Cyborg Grizzlies?" Paige half asked 99,

Who answered, "Yes but only 5 killer robots and 3 Cyborg Grizzlies, Max exaggerates."

"Enough about me 99," Max said, "We need to get Leo to the infirmary."

"LEO?!" The sisters said in unison as whirling they saw the battered filthy man carried by Ivana was is fact Leo.

Meanwhile Dark Willow having fainted from the Gigli/Barney torture finally regained consciousness. And she found herself,

'Tied to a log in a sawmill?' Her wrists were chained to a spike in the log above her head and her ankles shackled to

individual spikes about a foot apart. This of course meant that, 'If they turn this thing on, I'll be cut in half from the

crotch up! I don't know if I can heal that. I was able to recover from an ax in the back and Piper busting my head multiple

times but only a fool would think there was no limit to my healing abilities!' Dark Willow struggled desperately but her

powers were still neutralized by Piper's spells and her gag still stifled any spells of her own!

So when Piper walking in followed by the Baron and Ootat, Dark Willow was still helpless. Piper said, "I have gotten bored

with torturing you," 'How can anyone get bored with torture?' Dark Willow thought as Piper continued, "So it's time to put

you out of your misery! Hit it Ootat!" With that Ootat hit a button and the buzzsaw started up and the conveyor belt started

moving Dark Willow towards certain doom! Dark Willow, panic in her eyes struggled desperately but in vain! "Oh don't be that

way, I have good news!" Piper said and gesturing to Ootat had him stop the conveyor 'You're not going to kill me afterall?'

Dark Willow thought. "I just saved a load of money on car insurance by switching to Geico!"

"MMMMMMMPH!!" Dark Willow screamed in rage at the cruel joke as with a nod from the Baron started up the conveyor belt again!

And so Dark Willow resumed her journey towards a painful but well deserved doom!

Little Queen of Darkness part 33:"I just love it when a plan comes together!"

Dark Willow drawing ever nearer the buzzsaw struggled wildly against her bonds! She thought 'I can't die this way! I am all

powerful a dark goddess, a' "A total freaking moron is what you are!" Piper interjected, "You dared to think you could match

my power!" Her eyes widening in shock Dark Willow realized, 'She's reading my mind! But how?' Smirking Piper responded to her

captives thoughts saying, "Because unlike you, you little bitch my power is supreme! I might just resurrect you and kill you

again after this!" 'You're bluffing, you can't have such power!' Dark Willow thought and WHAP! Piper responded by slapping

her face and saying, "Wait and see!" At that point Dark Willow realized the buzzsaw was now just seconds away!

As it got ever closer the Baron said, "Dis is der point vhere der accursed good guys arrive and save your skin!"

"But wait," Ootat said, "she's evil, more evil than us!" As the buzzsaw got even closer.

"So nobody's coming to save you! BWAHH, HA, HA!" Piper began cackling and was still doing so as Dark Willow met the buzzsaw!

She felt intense pain and then nothing at all!

Back at CONTROL HQ the Chief was meeting with the sisters while Leo was in the infirmary. Phoebe said, "If only we could find

Piper, I have gotten an idea of how to take care of her!" The Chief gestures for Phoebe to go on and she does.

Then he says, "As it happens we got a tip from a spy inside Blitzkrieg's organization. That's really how we found Leo. I know

exactly where to find Piper now!"

"Great! We just need some way to get her away from the Baron so we can take her." Paige said.

"I have an idea about that." The Chief said and explained his plan. Shortly thereafter the sisters, Buffy, 99, 333, Max and

Leo left. Then the Chief got a phone call from the informant. After the call he lit up a cigar and thought, 'This is going to

be very interesting.

Dark Willow awoke to find herself in one piece, still gagged and now lying on a cold stone slab. Her arms and legs had been

rebound like they were during her intial capture and then she had been strapped down. Straps went above her breasts,across

her belly, at her waist, knees and ankles. Dark Willow now had her arms pinned beneath her body. As she tried to gather her

wits, Piper leaned over her and said, "Oh that part about getting tired of torturing you?" Dark Willow nodded and Piper

smirking said, "I lied!" Then she stepped back and pointed overhead revealing a pendulum! Then a switch was thrown and the

pendulum started to descend! 'Ah crap!' Dark Willow thought and began struggling again!

Meanwhile back in the real world, Piper, Baron Blitzkrieg and Ootat watched this on a large screen. Dark Willow was lying

strapped down on a nearby table just like she thought she was beneath the pendulum but with a gunmetal gray helmet totaly

enclosing her head. "So my queen this Peril Master 2000 virtual reality system causes your victim to experience whatever

peril you program inside her own little mind!"

"And all I had to do was talk into a microphone to be part of each scenario." Piper said adding, "This is great!"

"And we can even record the action!" Ootat said as he was eating his popcorn.

"What if I get bored with this? Or she realizes what's going on?" Piper asked.

"Well" The Baron gestured to another table with a helmet that just covered the head but let the face free. "der PainMaster

2002 vill make her really smart or if you vant to get real there is alvays der nearby rr tracks!"

And so after Dark Willow experienced the Pendulum, a vat of boiling oil, an explosion, and went over a waterfall attached to

a log, Dark Willow finally thought, 'What if this is all in my mind?' So shortly thereafter she was strapped down to the

other table and the PainMaster 2002 hooked up. It had just been turned on with the dial on the lowest setting of one when an

alarm went off! "MMMMMMMPH!!" Dark Willow yelped as Piper turned the dial up to 3 while the Baron and Ootat checked the

security monitors.

"It's Smart, the CONTROL babes, Buffy and" Ootat began

and Blitzkrieg finished, "Leo Vyatt come to steal my little queen of darkness!"

"Well we can't have that," Piper said, "go show him who's the better man, Blitzy-poo!"

"But they are inside our secret base," Ootat wondered, "how did they get in?"

"A spy no doubt," Piper responded, "one that will have to be dealt with!"

Ootat paled at this thinking, 'Nuts, Fred's crazy but kinda cute and affectionate! When did she have a chance to betray us?

And how can I pin it on somebody else?' Still he had little choice but to hurry after the grimly silent Baron.

As soon as they left Piper turned and called into a nearby storeroom and said, "Ok girls, you can come out now!"

Phoebe and Paige emerged from the storeroom and the latter said, "How did you know we were there?"

"It's like you were expecting us, but only the informant knew we were coming." Phoebe said and then both she and Paige began

to realize.

"That would be me," Piper said and smirking added, "I just love it when a plan comes together!"

Little Queen of Darkness part 34:"But enough talk I gotta kill you now!"

Meanwhile the Baron closely followed by Ootat confronted Leo, Max and the others in a large underground hangar area.

Strangely enough there were a number of bleachers off to the side. "What's up with this Baron?" Max asked.

"I am planning an indoor arena here," Blitzkrieg responded and added, "vhere I can pit say CONTROL agents vs lions!"

Pointing at Buffy Max responded, "Let me introduce you to our newest agent, B-1."

"Hey!" She yelped but

99 interjected, "Stop fooling around and tell him why we are here Max!"

But before Max could do so, Leo said "You've stolen my wife and I'm here to take her back!"

"And how do you plan to do that?" The Baron responded, "Afterall she is evil now! BWAH, HA, HA!"

Leo gestured at Max who grimaced and pulling a leather glove out of a pocket said, "You pretentious Prussian pig, as Leo's

second I extend his challenge to you!" Max then slapped the glove(which was filled with lead) across the Baron's jaw) WHAP!

"Single combat, here and now, man to maniac, winner gets Piper, loser leaves town!"

Snatching the glove from Max the Baron responded, "I accept!"

Seeing what was about to happen Max backed away and said, "I hope I wasn't out of line with that pretentious Prussian pig

crack!" Luckily Leo blasted the glove before Blitzkrieg could us it on Max. As Ootat and the goods guys scurried to the

bleachers the battle began!

"This is so medieval, fighting a duel over a woman," Phoebe said adding, "Who's stupid idea was this?"

Her eyes cold Piper responded, "It was mine Feebs. Let me explain so someone of your limited intellect can understand. I

realized on the way back from Sunnydale that I never found out whether Blitzkrieg's increased powers or Leo's Elder ones were

greater."

"What does that have to do with anything," Paige began and then slapping her forehead realized, "of course an evil power mad

Piper wants to have the most powerful man to manipulate that she can!"

"Very good Paige, you're not as dumb as you look!" Piper responded and continued, "So I called the Chief and told him where

to find Leo fighting the hordes of Chaos. And before you ask that's with a C the magical demon worshiping scum! Then I set

this up so that the two of them would fight over me. If the Baron wins I go on as before.."

"And if Leo wins?" Phoebe asked.

"He should be weak enough after the fight for me to ko him and force an evil potion down his throat!" Piper cheerily

responded, "Brilliant isn't it? But enough talk I gotta kill you now!"

"Wait a minute Piper," Pagie objected, "can't we bribe you to leave us alone?"

"And just what would you bribe me with missy?" Piper responded.

"How about a nice spell from the Book of Shadows?" Phoebe said adding, "That would make you more powerful than the Baron!"

"That you can't get for yourself because you are evil," Paige added and then

"And evil can't touch the Book of Shadows!" All three sisters said in unison.

"Yes everyone knows that!" Piper qualified, "Except for stupid here!" With that she turned the Painmaster up a notch causing

Dark Willow's muscles to spasm in agony!

"Aren't you being a bit harsh?" Paige asked.

But Piper replied, "Heh, you should see what she had in mind for you two!"

"Well we can deal with her later," Phoebe interjected, "so what about this. The triple your power spell for our lives?"

'Three of me? Excellent!' Piper thought and said, "Deal!" And so Paige orbed in a piece of paper with the spell on it and

seconds later where there had been one Piper there were three! The original Piper in tight black leather, a second Piper in a

very neat blue skirt suit and black high heeled pumps with her hair up and a pen behind her right ear and a third Piper in a

white with blue floral print minidress and blue high heels. "Now you die!" The first Piper said.

"But you promised.." Paige began,

"So I lied!" Piper said and raising her hands prepared to turned her sisters into corpsicles...

TBC

Little Queen of Darkness part 35:"Nah, just coeds, the Baron pays better than UCLA!"


And suddenly evil Piper froze! "YES!" Phoebe and Paige yelled, "It worked!" and Phoebe thought, 'We succeeded in splitting

Piper's personality just like the spell did to Prue a few years ago!'

Meanwhile in the arena Max and Ootat were sitting side by side eating popcorn. "I can't believe you have vendors down here!

Max said,
"We have a bookie too, wanna bet on the fight?" Ootat replied.