Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own the Charmed Ones, but how I wish I did.


Under the Surface

She sat at the edge of the cliff, her feet hanging over the sides. Her saddened eyes scanned the bottom of the cliff, which lie very far away. Her gaze was brought straighter ahead of her. As she looked out, she began to talk out aloud, as if talking to someone, “I remember a time when I thought this place was beautiful,” she said, recalling the very days in her mind. “Don’t get me wrong, I still think it is a beautiful view. It’s just, before, the beautiful was a happy, bright beautiful. Now, it is a dark, gloomy beautiful.

“I can’t stand it anymore. I don’t know why. I just can’t. Everyone expects my to know why because they are my feelings, but just as far from understanding them as anyone else. When I try to explain why I feel the way I do, they tell me, ‘Poor you, have your own television, television, VCR, computer, stereo, and DVD player in your room.’ They don’t get that that doesn’t always make me happy. Then, they always make a crack about me and tell me, ‘I t was just a joke,’ when I get mad. I laugh at myself all the time and I crack jokes about myself. It’s just that sometimes I just need to be reassured about how I really am.

“Let’s not forget about my sisters. One of them just finished college. They come over and I see them enough. I just hate when they come over and they want to talk. They don’t know what’s going on in my life. They just want to come over and try and “save the day” as usual. They tell me to call anytime I need to talk about anything. Whenever I begin to try and talk about my feelings to them, it’s almost like they shoot me down. They tell me how I shouldn’t do this and I shouldn’t do that. That’s not what I need to hear though. I think I need to be reassured. I need for the jokes about how I’m always mad to stop. They hurt more than anyone can even if they are just jokes. I now they are not meant that way, but they still have the same affects as if they were.

“The only place I really find myself not upset is school. Ironic isn’t it? Funny too. School is suppose to the most dreadful place for teenagers. For me, it is a place where I feel, dare I say, happiest. My friends are there. Lately I feel as though I’ve been hiding from my friends as well. I have two best friends, Alexa and Melissa. I don’t think I’ve ever really had a serious conversation with Alexa. I know I should give her the benefit of the doubt, but I just don’t feel like I can tell her about any of this. My other friend, Melissa, seems closer to me then Alexa. I started to tell her a couple of things once, but she asked to change the subject because she doesn’t like to talk about things depressing. All I could was change the subject, go on hiding how I really feel.”

She glanced out at the sun begging to rise, and looked down at her wrist. She began talking just like before. “You can’t even see that I use to cut it,” she said, referring to her wrist. “I never cut it hard, just slightly. I didn’t do it for long either. There was this girl in one of my classes, Sydney. We don’t have that class together anymore, but in class we would tell each other everything and nothing. I decided to confide in her one day. We had another class together, but we sat on opposite sides of the room, so we never got to talk. The day I told her what I began doing, she told that she wouldn’t tell anyone if I would stop doing it. One night came where I wanted to take the razorblade to my wrist, but didn’t. I remember that I promised Sydney that I wouldn’t. That night I couldn’t help but feel worse than usual. I cut because I had done something to upset either Grams or one of my sisters so much. I never thought about the consequences of my actions until after I had done them, until the damage was already done. I thought it was unfair that they had sacrificed so much and I was acting like a spooled little brat. I figured if I cut myself that it would make everything I little more bearable. I had paid for what I did too.”

She looked out at the horizon; the sun was poking out from beyond. However, she was not finished talking to the night yet. “They will all probably be much happier without me. Much happier without a little tag along sister or a little trouble maker.” She looked down at the gun she produced from her pocket, and then down at the bottom of the cliff not quite sure which way she was going to say good-bye to the night sky.


Prue flew out of bed. She knew something was wrong, but she wasn’t sure what. She raced down to Piper’s room. Once she peeked in and saw that Piper was still asleep and unharmed, she had a feeling she knew whom she should be worried about.

Moments later, Prue pulled up to the Manor. She was thankful that there were no cops on the roads; she would surely have gotten a speeding ticket at the speed she was going. She jumped out of her car and raced up the steps. Prue used her key to open the door. She walked quickly and quietly up the stairs to Phoebe’s room so as not to wake Grams. It was still earlier in the morning and wasn’t exactly sure what she would tell Grams if she woke up. When Prue got to Phoebe’s room, light protruded from under the door. Prue’s hopes were lifted in that Phoebe might still be safe.

As Phoebe looked down, the only thing she saw was a bed of rocks. Sharp and pointy rocks sticking out at odd angles. Phoebe brought the gun up in front of her face, to eye level. She took in the last big breath that she would ever take. Phoebe’s hand was as steady as can be as she stuck the barrel of the gun in her mouth. She figured that it would be less messy then putting the barrel to the temple and shooting herself. The barrel of the gun felt cold and lead like in her mouth. She outlined the hole of the barrel with her tongue. The black, cold hard metal felt unwanted in her mouth. However, Phoebe kept it in its place. The aiming device on top of the tip of the barrel (I have no clue what it is really called) was poking Phoebe in the root of the mouth.

Phoebe began taking in all of the surroundings around her. For the first time tonight, she felt how cold it was outside. She’d been numb for so long that she forgot she could even feel this cold. Not that far away from the cliff she stood on, Phoebe saw a run down looking house. It reminded her of a music video she saw once. The video began to play in her head.

This world
This world is cold
But you don't
You don't have to go
You're feeling sad, you're feeling lonely, and no one seems to care
You're mother's gone and your father hits you
This pain you cannot bear


But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through


Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know


Your days
You say they're way too long
And your nights
You can't sleep at all
Hold on
And you're not sure what you're waiting for, but you don't want to no more
And you're not sure what you're looking for, but you don't want to no more


But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through


Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on


What are you looking for?
What are you waiting for?
Do you know what you're doing to me?
Go ahead...What are you waiting for?


Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Hold on

Phoebe shut her eyes and shook her head. She wanted to do this. She wanted to escape from everything. Phoebe was bracing herself for the pain that would come once she pulled the trigger. With her eyes still closed tight, Phoebe felt the tears fall on her face. They slowly trickled over her cheeks and down to her chin where it hung before dropping. “I wonder if they would miss me like the people in the video missed their loved ones,” Phoebe began to wonder. “Great, now I’m starting to feel guilty,” she said as she ripped the gun from her mouth. Phoebe took her same seat on the edge of cliff that she had occupied before. “Wonderful, I guess I really am a chicken,” Phoebe commented, more upset than before, as she chucked the gun over the cliff.

Phoebe stood up, felling like a chicken as she decided to make her way back home. The moment Phoebe was on her feet, it started pouring down rain. “This just makes my day and the f*ckin day hasn’t even started yet!” Phoebe yelled out to no one in particular.


Prue has been past being frantic, upset, worried, and scared for what felt like forever ago. She decided to go check out some of the places tat Phoebe liked to go. It was then that she realized that she had no clue as to where Phoebe hung out. Nor did she know any friends of Phoebe’s to ask where Phoebe might be. It was then that Prue began to recall the only part of her weird dream that she could remember. In her dream, Prue stood by and witnessed Phoebe falling off of a cliff. Prue ran to the edge of the cliff, arms outstretched, reaching for Phoebe. Before Prue could even reach the edge of the cliff, she woke up. After Prue had calmed down from her dream, she suddenly had a bad feeling about something. She quickly ran to Piper’s room to make sure that she was okay, and then something in her head just clicked. All of a sudden, she instantly knew that it was Phoebe who was in trouble.

Prue finally returned back to the Manor with defeat written all over her face. She was hoping against hope that Phoebe was safe at home, but somehow she doubted that. Prue had no idea what to tell her grandmother. It was then that she realized that Gram’s car wasn’t in the driveway. Prue rushed into the house and found a note by the phone. Prue read aloud, “ Dear Phoebe, Something came up and I had to go visit your Aunt Gail. If you need anything, call one of your sisters. I’ll be back as soon as possible. Love, Grams,” Prue finished as she put the note back on the table by the phone. No soon had she completed the action, the front door opened. “Phoebe,” Prue called out as she ran to the front door.

Prue entered the foyer to find Phoebe soaking wet, emotionless, and very pale.



“Where the hell have you been?” Prue screamed at Phoebe. She sounded harsher than she intended to. She couldn’t’ believe Phoebe sometimes, it seamed like she was always getting into trouble. Prue would find out that Phoebe was in trouble, and would try and talk to her, but fail miserably. The moment Prue would turn around, Phoebe would be in trouble again. Prue was constantly battling Phoebe.

Phoebe looked up at Prue’s angry, upset face. She was in trouble, big trouble, and she knew it. Great, Phoebe thought, the last thing I need is for Prue to but in. Phoebe’s relationship with her eldest sister consisted of one thing, fighting. It’s not like her relationship with Piper was any better, Piper would just say how much Prue loves me. If Prue really loved me, she’d have at least noticed SOMETHING. I mean, come on, how many times have I told them that I scraped my wrist, or cut myself shaving. The sad thing is that they actually believe all the lies I tell them.

“Well,” Prue continued to scream at Phoebe. “Aren’t you going to tell me where you were?” Prue asked Phoebe, already knowing the answer. Heck, Prue knew that she’d be lucky if she even got an answer. She was becoming so frustrated; she didn’t know how to communicate with her sister anymore. She didn’t know the little girl standing in front of her. Prue realized that she didn’t know what music Phoebe listened to, what TV shows she watched. Hell, Prue didn’t even know what classes Phoebe was taking.

Phoebe just continued to look at Prue. She came to the conclusion that it was best just to stay quiet. Phoebe knew that she would get yelled at no matter what she said. Whoever was yelling at her would just get fed up with her not talking and would just finally send her to her room. She knew that she wasn’t going to get any lunch; diner was still up in the air.

Prue’s temper was rising. Why won’t she answer me? Prue wanted to know. “G*d damn it Phoebe, why the hell won’t you answer me?” Prue asked, her temper reaching its limits. Prue just snapped. As if in slow motion, Prue’s hand rose up to the side of her face and came down as hard as Prue could make it. As soon as her hand hit Phoebe’s face, as soon as she felt the impact of Phoebe’s face under her hand, Prue felt her anger release and guilt set in.

Phoebe felt the impact of Prue’s hand. She felt the sting not only on her face but also in her heart. Prue had never hit her. It was then that Phoebe realized that she didn’t have anything to live for. Why was she continuing to live, so she could get slapped by her sister? Phoebe held her head up high, despite her feeling of pain in her heart, and looked into Prue’s eyes. She didn’t notice the guilt settling into Prue’s eyes.

Prue couldn’t believe what she just did, she couldn’t believe that she just slapped her little sister in the face. Her eyes held no emotion what so ever in them and it was starting to scare Prue. Prue couldn’t bear to continue looking Phoebe in the eyes. She lowered her gaze, ashamed of herself. It was then that she saw the point of the gun sticking out of Phoebe’s jacket pocket, the handle of the gun visible over the top of the pocket.

Phoebe turned around and walked up the stairs, what's the use know, not even her sisters cared enough to see that something was really wrong. She knew that Prue wouldn’t follow her, there was no way Prue could face her know and she knew it. Phoebe walked into the bathroom, fear gone. She shut the door behind her and opened the medicine cabinet. Phoebe grabbed the scissors, towel, and peroxide. On second thought, Phoebe put the towel and peroxide back, she would only be needing the scissors. Phoebe was to numb to be able to feel the pain coming on. Phoebe took a long deep breathe, with scissors in hand. This is it, Phoebe said to herself, knowing it’s meaning to be true this time.

Phoebe opened the scissors, the point of the blade pointing towards her arm. Phoebe slowly brought the blade to her wrist. Inch by inch, Phoebe moved the blade down her arm. Blood began flowing from her arm faster than water spilt from a cup. I’m ready, Phoebe thought. Anything has got to be better than this. Phoebe watched the blood quickly cover everything it could. If she hadn’t have known better, Phoebe would’ve sworn that it had a mind of its own. Phoebe knew that it was almost time, she was becoming light headed. It’s funny, Phoebe thought, I feel so numb that I don’t feel any pain whatsoever. Phoebe just sat there as she became more and more consumed by the darkness surrounding her, and just like that, she was dead.


Phoebe was walking through a tunnel with bright lights all around her, but behind her there was only darkness. The brightest part was at the end of the tunnel. Phoebe guessed that it would be a good idea to walk towards the light. From out of know where, Patty stepped directly into Phoebe’s path. “Mom,” Phoebe said, now starting o wonder if she was dreaming.

“Yes sweetheart, it’s me,” Patty answered. Patty looked at her youngest daughter, “Phoebe, do you know why you are here?”

Phoebe looked of into space in thought of about why she was here. Then it all came back to Phoebe into Phoebe’s mind like a ton of bricks. She slowly brought her gaze higher to meat that of mothers. “Yes, I remember,” Phoebe, said in a very soft voice. “Are you mad at me?” Phoebe asked her mother.

Patty eyed her baby girl. “No Phoebe, I’m not mad. I’m very disappointed in you,” Patty confessed to her daughter. “I thought you were smarter than this Phoebe. I would have thought that you would have at least talked to your sister or Grams or someone. I never in a million years thought you would have done something like this.”

Phoebe kept her head low. “I’m sorry,” Phoebe apologized softly. Then she looked up to face her mother, tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry I couldn’t handle it! I’m sorry I was so depressed all the time mommy!” Phoebe was hysterical now. Patty moved closer to Phoebe and put her arms around her. Phoebe just pushed her back and turned around and ran back into the darkness she started out in.

Phoebe opened her eyes, “Sh*t!” She was still in the bathroom. “Dam,” Phoebe muttered. She felt so weak, but she knew that she had to clean the bathroom. It was then that Phoebe looked down at the cut on her arm; it didn’t look to deep, which was always a good thing. She slowly got up and moved over to the counter, where the hydrogen peroxide was. Phoebe began cleaning her wound, and then she dressed and wrapped it up. “Great! How the h*ll am I going to clean this up,” Phoebe spoke, lightly. So she began the task of cleaning up the blood dirty bathroom.


Prue had been sitting downstairs all day. She was brought out of her dream state by a thud coming from upstairs. Prue rushed upstairs as fast as she could, her only thoughts were of Phoebe. When Prue reached Phoebe’s room, her door was open. Prue just charged in, “Phoebe! Phoebe this isn’t funny, come out!” Prue demanded loudly. When she received no answer, Prue jumped back into the hallway. She glanced up and down the hall, and then noticed the bathroom door was slightly ajar with the light turned on. Prue advanced towards the door, wandering what type of situation her sister was in on the other side of it.


As Prue neared closer towards the door, she heard what sounded like someone, her little sister, losing her stomach in the bathroom. She sped up her pace towards the bathroom. Prue burst through the door, “Phoebe!” Phoebe stood over the toilet, just having flushed its contents.

Phoebe’s head hung off of her shoulders. Prue noticed that her sister changed out of her wet clothes from earlier. Prue walked over to Phoebe and put a hand to her head; she thought her sister felt a little warm. “Come on Phebes,” Prue soothed as she lead Phoebe towards the sink. Phoebe bent over the sink and washed her mouth out, but she still had the after taste from losing her stomach. “Let’s get you into bed,” Prue whispered to her sister.

Phoebe was walking to her room in a haze. She couldn’t believe it. She had cut her wrist, died, saw mom, ran away from mom, cleaned up the blood from the bathroom, which caused her to become nauseated and blew chucks, and is now being led to bed. What a day, Phoebe thought. It was starting to scare her, some of the things she did. She just did something and the consequences of her actions didn’t erupt until afterwards. She never meant for anything to ever turn out like it did. She needed to tell them, she didn’t want to, but they needed to know.

Prue lead Phoebe to her bed as she want to get Phoebe something lighter to wear. She pulled out a pair of baggy shorts and a tank top from Phoebe’s dresser draw. Funny, Prue thought, I don’t remember seeing this before. It was then that Prue realized how little she really did know about her sister. I mean sure, at the moment, Prue was realizing that she never saw a certain pair of her sister’s pajamas. At a time, she would have known her sister inside and out, but not anymore.

When Prue returned to Phoebe with the pajamas, she began to help Phoebe get undresses. As Prue was undressing Phoebe, she noticed how pale and thin her sister was looking. Her sister, not the person sitting before her, used to be skinny, but not unhealthy thin. The sister she knew was also tan from being outside all the time.

As Prue tried to put the tank top on Phoebe, Phoebe objected. “Well, what do you where to bed?” Prue wanted to know.

“I don’t wear anything,” Phoebe responded, shocking her sister.

It just upset Prue even more. At the moment, Prue had to think about her sister and not herself. Prue was helping Phoebe get under the covers when she saw a white patch on Phoebe’s left arm. Prue, who was standing on Phoebe’s right side, hadn’t noticed it yet. “What happened to your arm Phoebe?” Prue asked, fearing the answer.
Phoebe’s head just hung down. “Phoebe!” Prue continued.

“When I was out earlier, I scraped it. When I got home I went into the bathroom to clean it. Then I got sick and, you know,” Phoebe lied. Phoebe was going to tell Prue the truth, but she didn’t want to disappoint her sisters anymore than she already had.

Prue, whose eyes hadn’t left Phoebe since she saw the bandage, responded with, “Phoebe, I want the truth,” Prue demanded in a stern voice.

“That is the truth,” Phoebe replied, slowly lifting her head to finally meet her older sister’s eyes. Prue felt so horrible for not believing her little sister.


After Prue helped Phoebe into bed, she want downstairs and collapsed onto the sofa. She picked up the phone and dialed the number of her apartment. Piper picked up after only two rings, which meant that she was up. Well, she should be, Prue thought to herself, it’s 9:30. “Hello,” Piper greeted into the phone.

“Hey Pipe, it’s Prue,” Prue informed.

“Hey Prue, what got you up so early this morning?” Piper inquired.

“Well. I woke up with this gut feeling and…oh never mind. Do you think you can get over to the Manor for a little while? Phoebe’s sick and has a nasty cut on her arm, I think,” Prue replied, starting to remember that she didn’t actually see the cut.

Piper arrived at the Manor in no time. She jumped out of the car and rushed up the steps leading to the Manor. As Piper barged through the door, she almost tripped over her feet, going so fast.

“Great, that’s all I need, two sisters to take care instead of one,” Prue lightly joked, with no real humor as she rose from her place on the couch.

“Where’s Phoebe? Is she okay?” Piper asked hastily.

“She’s fine, she’s sleeping,” Prue replied, staring of into space as she moved a step forward.

“If Phoebe’s fine, then why do you look like you’re about to inform me that we have a funeral to go to?” Piper asked the oldest sister while she got up off the floor and onto her feet.

Prue sighed, “She’s just been so distant lately. When I went to find her some pajamas, I found clothes I didn’t even know she owned. Then she informed me that she does even wear pajamas, she doesn’t wear anything to bed, well, except her underwear.”

Piper looked on in shock at what her big sister was telling her. She then began to realize that she too, like Prue, didn’t know any of these things. She didn’t know anything. Piper started to recall a time when she knew her younger sister inside and out. Piper use to be able to tell if Phoebe was even the slightest upset, but now, Piper barely even saw her sister let alone talk to her.


Phoebe opened her eyes. As Phoebe rolled over to check the clock, she recalled the events that had happened in the last 48 hours. It was 9:42. She’d been asleep since before noon the day before. Phoebe swung her legs over the side of the bed. When Phoebe went to stand up, she just fell right back down. Her actions yesterday left her a little weaker than she would have thought. Phoebe took a minute to compose herself, gather up her strength, and went over to her dresser to put her pajamas on before going downstairs. Then she began walking downstairs. Phoebe smelled something wonderful coming from the kitchen as she descended the stairs.

“Morning sweetheart,” Grams greeted a shocked Phoebe. Phoebe didn’t remember seeing Grams yesterday, so she had figured Grams went out of town. However, she’s usually gone longer than this.

“Uh, morning Grams,” Phoebe greeted in return. Phoebe hoped that Prue hadn’t told Grams about her arm.

“Prue and Piper are asleep on the couch, I was just about to go wake them up for breakfast, unless you would like to do the honors?” Grams asked with a smirk on her face.

Phoebe fiddled with her hands, while finding them just as interesting. She looked up, “Um, Grams, I was kind of wondering if I could talk to you for a minute, without Prue and Piper…”

“Grams, I haven’t been happy lately. Actually, I haven’t been happy for a while.” Phoebe watched her grandmother’s face; she couldn’t tell what she was thinking just yet. “I…I…um…I’ve been cutting myself,” Phoebe quickly confessed thrusting her scared arm in her grandmother’s direction.

Grams didn’t say anything. She just pulled Phoebe into a tight hug. The two stayed like that for a while. Grams finally broke the silence, “I think we should make an appointment to see someone.” Grams never received a response, just the feeling of her youngest granddaughter nodding her head.



“Piper,” Prue called out as she walked into the kitchen.

“Hey, what’s up?” Piper asked her older sister as she turned to face Prue. “You look upset, honey. What’s wrong?”

“Well, I was going through some old boxes and I found a couple of sketch books,” Prue explained, showing Piper the books she found.

“Those don’t look familiar. Whose books are they?” Piper asked, curious as to whom they belong to.

“I don’t know, but I think they might be Phoebe’s,” Prue replied with fear in her eyes.

Piper asked the question she wasn’t sure she wanted answered, “Prue, what’s in those books?”

Prue didn’t respond. She just handed one of the books to Piper while placing the other ones on the table. Piper took the book from Prue and began looking through it. She saw the most disturbing images every drawn. Everything was so dark and depressing. A lot of the things in the book were just colors and not concise pictures. Piper saw Phoebe’s signature at the bottom of one of her pictures. “Prue,” Piper called, getting the attention of her sister. Piper pointed to the signature. Prue saw it and gasped.

Since both Prue and Piper were so engrossed in the books, neither heard the door open. Phoebe walked through the front door. She called out to her sisters, who didn’t respond. Phoebe made her way towards the kitchen.

Prue and Piper both jumped as Phoebe pushed open the kitchen door. Phoebe noticed that neither sister was looking well at the moment. It was then that she saw the book Piper was holding.


Phoebe just stood there a moment. “W-W-Where did you g-get those?” Phoebe asked.

“I found them in the attic,” Prue answered so low that it was a whisper.

“Are these yours?” Piper asked, already knowing the answer, but needing to hear her baby sister say it.

Phoebe didn’t respond. She walked over to the table that contained the other books and picked them up. Prue watched her move through the kitchen. Piper had still not taken her eyes off of the pictures in the book. She kept flipping page after page, each picture more disturbing than the next.

Finally, Phoebe walked over to Piper and made to close the book. “No,” Piper said. As se finally looked up, Phoebe could see the tears in her eyes. “Phoebe, what is this? Huh? What the h*ll is this, cause I want to know?”

Phoebe looked at Prue. Prue just stared back. She had known something was up with her baby sister, but she had never imagined that it was something like this.

“You don’t…I couldn’t…it was because…” Phoebe’s gaze dropped to the floor as blue orbs appeared in the room.

Leo chose that moment to orb into the room. He took one look at the scene, “What’s going on here?” Leo asked out loud. He knew what kind of trouble he could get in with the girls for asking a question like that at this stage of the argument, but the scene looked bad enough for him to brave it.

No one answered Leo’s question. Phoebe continued as if Leo wasn’t even there, “This wasn’t something you were ever suppose to see,” Phoebe stated in a low voice.

“Well we did Phoebe!” now it was Prue’s turn to get mad. She couldn’t believe her little sister ever felt this way, that her sister never told her that she felt this way.

“Yeah well sorry I messed up your perfect little lives!” Phoebe screamed back as she ran off upstairs and into her bedroom, slamming the door shut.

Piper and Prue just stared at the stairs that their had just bolted up, neither sister sure of what to do. “Maybe she’ll be in a better mood in the morning,” Prue suggested.

“Yeah maybe, or maybe she’ll decide to come down and tell us everything that is wrong in her life” Piper snapped back.

“Cool it Piper, I can only stand to fight with one sister at a time,” Prue stated.


The rest of the day passed by with Phoebe sitting in her room. She sat on her bed with that spaced out look in her eyes, something that happened when Phoebe was younger. She could space out for hours and hours and it would seem as if no time at all would pass.


Phoebe finally came out of her daze around 7 o’clock in the morning. She made her way downstairs to a pot of coffee. Unfortunately, Phoebe also ran into her sisters. Once her coffee was fixed, Phoebe took a seat opposite the older Halliwell’s. “About last night,” Piper began.

“I’m sorry,” Phoebe whispered.

“Phoebe, there is nothing that you need to feel sorry for. Do you understand me,” Prue stated.

Phoebe just looked at Prue for a moment. She looked into those eyes that could always make her feel so guilty. “It was all too much for me. I never meant to hurt anyone; I never meant to make anyone mad. It just always happened. Then, to try and make myself feel better, I use to cut myself. Afterwards I would always feel a little better, but never much,” Phoebe paused to take a sip of her coffee. Prue and Piper just looked on in astonishing shock. How in the world had their baby sister’s life come to this point?

Phoebe couldn’t look at her sisters yet just continued, “But one time I went a little to far. I fainted from the amount of blood loss, I think, and I was with mom. I was so upset and confused that I ran in the opposite direction. The next day I told Grams what had been going on and that’s where the books come in. She took me to see a therapist and we discovered that that (indicating the book Piper left on the table) was the best way for me to let my feelings out.” Phoebe turned her teary eyes up towards her sisters.

Piper and Prue both made their way to Phoebe and embraced her into a hug.


All three Halliwell’s had their gazes held by the fire in the fireplace. They watched books full of all kinds of different emotions burn into oblivion.

Phoebe’s mind recalled how she felt when she would draw in those books. It was almost scary to think that she was the same person who did and felt those things. Phoebe watched as a part of her was put to rest. She wasn’t the same person who needed those books to get through a day without hurting herself. In fact, Phoebe was so far from that person that it is hard to believe that she even use to exist.

Phoebe turned to face her sisters. She saw them watching her out of the corners of their eyes. She let her gaze fall to her mug of hot chocolate, “Hear is to the new me. May the old me find peace as I have now.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Prue chimed in.

“Ditto,” Piper replied with a smile plastered onto her face. All three mugs clinked together.

“Okay, movie and marshmallow time,” Phoebe announced.

“Deal, but we are not watching ‘Kill It Before It Dies’,” Piper informed.

“Says who?” Phoebe inquired.

“Says me,” Prue responded in a more authorative tone. “After all, I still believe that I am in charge here.”

Happy Endings

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The song used at the begining of the story is "Hold On" by Good Charlotte.