Disclaimer: the Charmed Characters are the creation of Aaron Spelling and Constance Burge.. I've just borrowed them for your enjoyment


She sat on the park bench watching the kids play - it wasn't so long ago they had been like that, laughing, joking, fooling around having fun.... now it felt like she'd never have fun ever again.

Was it really only 3 months? Three months that felt like three long years.

So many changes, so many adjustments so many tears.

She was lost deep in her own thoughts, deep in her pit of misery, the misery she had kept hidden, the misery she felt every hour, every minute, every second of every day.
She brushed angrily at the lone tear falling silently down her face. She could remember the harsh words so clear, so plain, so cutting.

"Everythings a joke to you isn't it?! Well this isn't a dam joke this is serious, you're so dam selfish don't you even care that I could die"

I could die....I could die....oh god! She could die! Why had she said it?! Phoebe was angry - she didn't have to say it!

The look on her face when those words had been spoken - it was clear, so obvious the words had cut her like a knife - but still she'd kept on, finally forcing the issue, finally leaving her no alternative but to leave.

Prue had kept her on a tight leash since the diagnosis - she'd watched her every move - she was going to be so pissed when she found out, she'd kill her Phoebe laughed out loud at this - kill her! - Go on Prue do your worst!

She let out a deep sigh - it was getting dark - her sisters would be worried, and in spite of the turmoil going on in her head she didn't want that, she wiped again at her face removing all trace of her earlier tears. She still hadn't got used to it - she took off her baseball cap and ran her hand over the bald head, it felt strange, it felt like it didn't belong, it just wasn't right, so many things were no longer right. She quickly pulled her cap back on - not yet ready to face the world despite her earlier bravado. With a heavy heart she picked her bag up and headed for home.

Her shoulders were drooped as she walked up the steps - she opened the door slowly - she suddenly felt sick, she felt nervous, her palms were sweaty. What would her sisters say? She had no doubt in her mind Prue would go beserk.

She tried to calm down - after all that had gone on these last few months surely if nothing else this should put her sisters wrath in perspective, a cynical smile crossed her face - no nothing would ever prepare her for facing her oldest sister. She knew she'd freak, she should have put a bet on - she could have won a fortune - Prue was going to freak out, she'd really done it this time.

Piper was pacing up and down, she couldn't rest not until she saw her. She'd heard what she'd done, the whole world had - the whole world knew. Oh God! Prue! Prue would freak, hell who could blame her? Piper tried to get busy, she tried to start dinner, even that didn't work - she threw the pan in the sink in disgust - how could she even think about food! Piper knew her little sister inside out - why hadn't she helped her - why had she let it come to this? Piper had known with utter certainty the pain her youngest sister was feeling - it was more than physical it had taken over her whole demeaner, Piper sat down with her head in her hands, yes she knew she'd been hurting - it was just she had had no idea just how deep.

Piper jumped when she heard the door shut - she rushed into the hall - hoping with all her heart it would be her kid sister, she'd been out of her mind all afternoon with worry. She stopped frozen in place, she couldn't move the eyes identical to her own were locked with hers.

Piper saw the tears brimming in the big brown pools - almost at the same time she felt the tears in her own, threatening, tottering but not quite falling, Piper couldn't speak, she had a lump the size of her fist in her throat, she swallowed - the movement almost causing the tears to flow, almost but not quite. Reaching her arms out she put them round her 13 year old sister, 13 and in so much pain, Piper felt the tension in her sisters body she knew Phoebe was trying to keep it together, holding her tight with one arm Piper took the cap off her sisters head.

"Oh babe!" Piper couldn't help it the tears fell onto the small bald head resting on her shoulder, her hands moved to either side of her sisters face, holding her close she kissed her little sister on the forehead "You're so beautiful - so beautiful..... inside and out"

Phoebe gave her big sister a tearful smile "Think Prue will say the same?"

++++++++++++++++++++++


Prue Halliwell didn't know which way to turn - for once in her life she was at a loss, it wasn't that she always had the answers - this was different, she'd not been through anything like this before, she'd not helped anyone go through anything like this before, she'd never felt so helpless before.

She shivered, she knew a sweater wouldn't help - how could it? She felt cold, tired and suddenly very old.

She stood up, not knowing that she had been sitting at the very same bench her little sister had vacated only a few hours before. Her heart felt heavy, she took a deep breath, she did what she always did..............she buried her feelings deep inside.

"Hey!"

Prue smiled as she entered the kitchen "Hey yourself!"

Prue couldn't help but notice the puzzled expression flash across Pipers face.

"What's up?"

Piper hesitated slightly "Nothing"

"Then why the guilty look?"

Piper's mind was working overtime - Prue obviously hadn't heard. She was starting to go into panic mode.............what to do?

"So?"

Piper looked up again into the penetrating blue eyes of her sister.

"Nothing...erm dinner, it’s nearly ready. Do you want to wash up? I can wait if you want? Do you want to get changed? It won't matter it's not a problem"

Prue frowned - Piper in babble mode could mean only one thing "Where is she?"

"Who?" the forced innocence was not lost on Prue

"The cat's mother! Who do you think?"

"Oh! Ermm Pheebes?"

"Who else?"

Piper looked perplexed caught between a rock and a hard place her thoughts started to ramble 'calm down, just calm down, think..........think dam you!'

"Piper?" Prue was starting to sound pissed.

"In her room"

"She ok?"

Piper nodded, at last it had happened she had had a coherent thought!

"She's laying down"

Prue looked concerned "You sure she's ok?"

"Yeah she's fine" Piper hesitated then took a deep breath "There's something you should know" Prue waited, Piper looked at her sisters face trying to gauge her mood, she knew she wasn't helping - Prue always got annoyed when she was kept waiting.

"Piper!"

"She's done something" Piper hesitated watching as the emotions crossed through Prues face, trying to work it out, was her sister pissed, or concerned? Piper just couldn't tell, taking a deep breath she continued "Prue, she's well, she's" there was only one thing to do - tell her sister the truth. Piper shut her eyes, took a deep breath and let out the words "She's shaved her head".

"She's WHAT!"

Phoebe Halliwell groaned, Oh god! She'd been right - for once in her life why couldn't she have been wrong. She had known without a doubt Prue would be pissed the outburst from the kitchen loud enough to reach her on the first floor landing was testimony to that!

"PHOEBE! Get your butt down here NOW!" Prue hadn't moved from her spot in the kitchen, she didn't need to, within seconds her youngest sister was standing in front of her.

Prue took a deep breath trying to calm her emotions "Why?" the word had come out as her mind tried its best to take in the sight before her, Phoebe looked so tiny, she'd always been small, but now standing in front of her, the pale skin of her face accentuating the dark circles under her eyes, the baseball cap somehow taking years off her already young face.

Phoebe shrugged her shoulders, she wasn't ready for this, she had known this would come of course, but she really wasn't up for this. Already weak she knew she was no match for her big sister.

Prue slumped - she'd felt drained earlier, this really didn't help, the past three months were flashing through her mind, the moment when their fears had been confirmed, the pain on her baby sisters face, the battle. So soon after their Grandmother had died - Prue hadn't thought they could cope with much more but they had had to. Prue tried to focus, once again taking in the sight of her little sister, she could feel her anger grow, try as she might to suppress it she couldn't help it, it started in the pit of her stomach and was building up into a crescendo.

Piper stood and watched, she also felt angry but for a different reason, Piper knew Prue’s anger was directed at their little sister, Piper’s was directed at the situation, the unknown, the whole deal. Piper was also angry with Prue, for once couldn't she see things from Phoebe’s point of view. She wasn't asking her sister to agree but just once, just for once, couldn't she just try and understand how Phoebe felt.

Prue moved towards Phoebe, her face was like thunder Piper didn't hesitate, in an instant she was between them. This time shielding Phoebe with her body, not just her words.

"Don't even think about it!" Piper sounded as pissed as Prue looked "You'll have to go through me first" Piper glared at her big sister.

Prue took in the middle sister’s stance, hands by her side, fists clenched.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to hit her" Prue spat out the words, more than anything she wanted to smack her kid sister..................... more than anything she wanted to knock some sense into her...................more than anything she knew she couldn't............................. more than anything she knew she shouldn't.

Prue felt like she had the troubles of the world on her shoulders, responsibility she had always had - but this.....this last three months was beyond her comprehension.
She looked at her younger sisters, poised, waiting for her reaction, she just couldn't..............she felt like the life had been drained from her, so ironic, she took a last look and turned on her heel, slamming the kitchen door behind her she made her way to the comfort of her bed.

She lay there for ages, she couldn't settle, her mind kept wandering, back to that day, that fateful day just three months ago. Three months! Three months of hell, Prue remembered her sisters reaction. Prue could still see the look of panic in Piper’s face, no other word for it, sheer panic. Prue couldn't remember seeing her look so scared, not even the time that she'd had to get up in front of the entire school and give that speech. Prue laughed to herself, taking comfort from her memories. Piper had been so frightened Prue didn't think she would do it, it had taken all her powers of persuasion to get her to open the toilet door! She'd just about decided to climb over the top when the bolt had slid back. Prue had looked into her little sisters brown eyes,

"Piper you'll be fine, you've practiced so hard, just get out there and do it"

'Just get out there and do it’ oh how those words had returned to haunt her, her mind drifted back to that day, this time it was Phoebe’s face. Prue buried her head in her pillow finally giving way to the sobs. Prue remembered Phoebe’s reaction when she'd been told, she hadn't gotten over the death of their Grandmother, none of them had but Phoebe was so young. Too young to have to cope with this on top of everything else life had thrown at her.

It was as though time stood still, it was like a split screen - the diagnosis had finally been given, finally confirmed what everyone deep down knew, knew but until that moment could deny - cancer. Such a small lump, such a big disease.

Phoebe had crumbled, literally, her whole body had given way, Prue could hear the cry of anguish leave her tiny body. Piper had caught her before she fell off the chair, held her tight, cradled her in her arms, unable to speak words of comfort, unable to calm the pain, she'd done the only thing she could do, she held on tight to their baby. Prue had been numb, she watched her little sisters, it had taken a while before she could move, her throat was tight, her ears were buzzing, she couldn't hear the Doctor speak, she could see her sister’s.

She moved slowly kneeling in front of them, opening her arms wide she held them so tight, her arms embracing her family, this was the family she was meant to protect, the family she was supposed to keep from harm, and now this had happened and there was nothing she could do about it. She had felt as though she was falling, spiraling into a deep, dark never ending pit.

She couldn't face her sister’s that night, she had let them down, she felt pain like she'd never felt before, not just for herself but for them, they had both already been hurt by so much and now this, she felt an overwhelming sense of despair. She'd gone into them in the early hours of the morning, they were entwined in each others arms, both faces once so innocent and carefree, now troubled and tearstained. She'd sat for hours just watching them, mostly she had felt calm but at moments, moments she couldn't control she felt the overwhelming emotions, anger was there - oh yes! As per usual! But mostly there was sorrow. She'd kissed each of them gently on their foreheads and crept back to her room before they woke.

So much had happened since then - first the treatment, the treatment that had made her so sick, so tired, so not herself, Prue angrily brushed the tears away, she knew tears wouldn't help. The nausea had been the worst, normally such a good eater she thoroughly enjoyed her sisters cooking, but not anymore, she couldn't hide the dread at the thought of eating, even the smell turned her stomach. Piper had gone out of her way to make her favorite dishes but nothing had helped. It wouldn't have been so bad if the treatment had worked, Prue remembered how they'd had to push a permanent tube into the back of her hand and linked her to the drips, the dam drips that had made her so sick, it was so ironic how could something that was meant to cure cause you to feel so ill?

Still her little sister had tried to keep her spirits up - that was how she got through things Prue knew that, it didn't stop her getting annoyed with her though - there was just too much to think of, to much to work out, to much physical pain that had to be overcome, too much emotional pain bubbling underneath the surface, and it wasn't over yet.

All three sisters were dreading the next day, the day they had hoped to avoid - the treatment had failed, tomorrow was the day she was scheduled for the operation, Prue knew she shouldn't have left the kitchen like that, she knew but it was too late she'd done it - she only hoped Phoebe could forgive her, she only hoped that Phoebe realised she hadn't turned her back on her, she only hoped that Phoebe knew just how much she loved her, she only hoped that her sister realised she wasn't angry with her....not really............how could she be? She was angry at some invisible thing, that was what made this dam thing so hard, she was so angry at something she couldn't see, she couldn't touch that was why she was so angry, angry and frustrated. She only hoped as young as she was that Phoebe realised that, that Phoebe realised just how very special she was.

+++++++++++++++++++ She groaned, pain she felt the overwhelming pain, her arm - she moved slowly lifting her good side to feel the bad. Her fingers felt the cloth covering the wound, she fought to open her eyes, she was aware that in her struggle to wake she was kicking, she was panicing trying to wake from the nightmare the nightmare that was in fact reality.

Slowly very slowly she began to regain her senses, her eyes were open she remembered where she was her eyes flashed round the room reflecting the panic she felt inside.

"It's ok, it's ok.....shhh....its alright....I'm here"

Still coming round she began to calm slightly at the sound of her sister’s voice, she could make out her outline through the dim light of the room, she was laying on the floor, she watched as the body uncurled and forced itself up.

"Its ok, its over now, its alright" she felt her sister’s hand gently brushing her cheek, she felt her sister’s lips gently kiss her forehead, she closed her eyes, finally giving in, giving in to the overwhelming tiredness that surged through her body.

Her eyes flickered open again, she was still there, slumped in the chair her neck twisted, she tried to speak but no words came, once again she let out a groan.

Her sisters eyes flew open, she watched as she rubbed the sleep away, she watched the smile fill her face, her sister dabbed at her mouth and face with a wet cloth, she was so tired, so thirsty.

"Water" at last she managed to speak her voice raspy.

"Sorry, sis, no can do - strict orders, it will make you sick"

She nodded her sister could see the disappointment and the desperation, her eyes flicked open again as she felt the damp cloth press gently to her lips, how could anything so simple feel so good?

"Better?"

She nodded - words couldn't describe just how much, she felt the tiredness take over again, her eyes flickered, she tried to keep them open but it was useless, she heard the whisper.

"Love you"

She was too tired to reply, she felt overwhelmed, she felt the tear slip down her face.

The next time she woke her sister was back on the floor, she felt slightly more with it this time, she licked her lips, they felt so dry, she swallowed "Hey"

Her sister was by her side like a shot.

"You ok"

She nodded slightly "You're not, come here" she held her good arm out "Lie down, next to me" she watched her sister hesitate, "It's ok, just be careful".

She almost laughed, if she had the energy she would have done, careful wasn't even in her sisters vocabulary. She felt the bed dip ever so slightly, she could feel the tension in her sisters body.

"It's alright relax, its fine" she listened as her sisters breathing began to relax, she knew she was tense with worry.

Prue felt the soft down on her sister’s head, she stroked it gently "Why?" deep down she knew the answer but she wanted her sister to tell her.

"You said you felt like a freak, you said that I couldn't understand" Prue listened as her little sister chocked "I didn't want you to feel like a freak, I wanted to understand"

"You caught me at a bad time" Prue closed her eyes for once in her life she was helpless, she felt the tears trickle slowly down her face "I love you babe"

"I love you Prue" Prue felt the kiss land gently on her cheek "Just get better" her little sisters voice was almost a whisper as she brushed her sisters tears away, her own eyes were cloudy her sisters face a blur.

Prues eyes shot open again ""Does Piper know you're here"

She heard the slight snigger "Stop worrying!"

She couldn't help but smile back "I always worry"

"We were both here all day, they made us leave a couple of hours ago - I sneaked back"

"Does she know?" There was a slight edge now.

"I left a note"

Prue had a slight smile on her face - when she was feeling better she was so going to kick her sister’s ass.

++++++++++++++++++++

Piper let out an exasperated sigh, she couldn't help herself she was tired, emotionally she was running on empty. In between studying for her finals, going to school, cooking the meals and doing all the other normal things people took for granted she was tending to her sick sister. Prue had been out of the hospital for three days now and was making a terrible patient.

"What?! You wouldn't like it"

Pipers frown deepened as the scowl she was trying to hide appeared across her face.

"Well you wouldn't!" Prue still sounded pissed.

"Don't!" Piper held her hand up - she really didn't want to get into this, she knew her sister was still very ill and she knew she couldn't push her too far.

"Oh get down off your high horse Piper! You haven't got a clue what this is like!"

"Right! Piper threw the loofah into the bath successfully splashing her sister’s face in her frustration, "I don't know what it’s like you're right, and you don't know what its like for us either!"

"Oh yes that’s right - lets turn this round shall we? Poor little Piper, poor little Phoebe - well guess what Piper for once this isn't about either of you this is about me, I'm the one who's sick, I'm the one with cancer!"

"Oh yes! And don't we know it!"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Prue’s voice had got louder, she made an effort to stand but knew it was useless, she brought her hand down in frustration, managing to get the pair of them wet.

Piper took a deep breath, she was trying to pull it back together but she knew it had gone too far.

"There was no need to push her out like that! Dam you Prue don't you think she's hurting enough?"

Piper was referring to the incident that had just occurred between the oldest and the youngest Halliwell, Piper knew it was Prue’s pride making her like this but it didn't help, she was mad at her sister. Everyone’s emotions were high and Prue had just pushed her over the edge.

"Privacy Piper! It's bad enough you having to bath me like a 2 year old without her knowing!"

"She's your sister Prue! She's upset, she wants to help!"

Piper felt the tears sting the back of her eyes she could still see the look on Phoebe’s face as Prue yelled at her to get out, Piper was pretty sure she hadn't even realised Prue was in there, Phoebe had opened the bathroom door, it was the first time she'd seen the result of Prue’s surgery - she had visibly paled - something that Piper knew wouldn't have been lost on Prue.

Prue’s face had crumbled "I know"

Piper was battling again with her own emotions - she was mad with Prue, yes she was the one that was sick but didn't she realise just how much this was affecting the whole family? Phoebe had looked so hurt.

"Did she tell you how much she raised?" Piper was trying to change the subject, she knew if she didn't all three Halliwells would end up in tears, as it was she knew the youngest was probably bawling her eyes out.

Prue shook her head, Piper noticed a glimmer of guilt in her big sisters eyes.

"I've never really asked her about it - I didn't know till a couple of days ago that she raised sponsorship for having her head shaved"

Piper let out another sigh "That's not all, she raised over $800 the press were there Prue, and she donated her hair to some company that makes wigs for terminally ill children"

Piper watched as the tears trickled down her big sisters face "She never said"

"Did you ask?" Piper’s voice was gentle.

Prue shook her head, unable to speak, the lump in her throat preventing any intelligible noise.

Piper decided to continue - her sister needed to hear it…. "I asked her if she regretted shaving her head, at first I only thought she'd done it to prove a point, you know after that time you bawled her out for making a joke about your hair"

"I know, she caught me at a bad time - Piper I didn't mean to have a go, I'd had a bad day, I'd been throwing up all day, then she bounced in with that dam skull cap on her head"

Prue looked up and caught the grin on her sisters face, Prue couldn't help it she grinned back "I know - I know its how she handles things, its just, well, Pipe I felt so ill, I just wanted to be a alone, it really was bad timing"

"I know, but the point is this Prue, she told me she was really glad she'd done it, she said she felt ok, she was lucky she wasn't ill, and if it helped some little girl feel better she'd do it all over again"

"I'm a bitch aren't I?"

"Yeah - you're that alright - one sick bitch!"

The sisters started laughing, both feeling better for clearing the air.

"Ok sis - I've had enough, leave me in any longer and I'll look like a prune. Get me out then go sort our little sister out"

Piper nodded, she reached over and pulled the plug, she knew it took a lot out of Prue to accept her help but they both knew she had no choice. Prue’s treatment had left her weak, that combined with the surgery meant that she was little more than an invalid. Piper helped Prue get dry and dressed then went off in search of her little sister.

Piper didn't have to search far she found her in their Grams bedroom, curled up on the bed, sobbing into a pillow. Phoebe looked so pitiful, she was so small, she looked tiny, tiny and broken. Piper sat down beside her and gently stroked her back.

"Hey babe?" Piper could see Phoebe was distraught, she couldn't speak, her whole body was consumed with heart wrenching sobs.

"Come here" Piper easily pulled her little sister up and onto her lap, Piper didn't speak for ages, she simply cradled the little girl in her arms, eventually Phoebe had cried herself out.

"I miss her Pipe"

Piper looked into the sorrow filled eyes, Phoebes face was swollen, her hair matted to her head.

"Prue?"

Phoebe nodded her head "Her too, but I meant Grams"

Piper couldn't help it the tears began to trickle down her own face "Me to baby, me too".

Piper sat for ages just holding and rocking her little sister, she realised that Phoebe's entire world had been turned upside down, in the space of a few short months her whole foundation had been stripped away. It was hard for all of them no one could deny that, but Phoebe was the baby not only had the woman who had taken the place of her mother died but right bang in the middle of her grief the other person who she relied on for structure and security was seriously ill. No wonder the poor kid was in bits.

"There’s something else" Phoebe looked into the brown eyes that were so like her own.

"What?" Piper could see the battle Phoebe was having, she'd broken down for the first time since their Grams funeral Piper could see she was needing to off load.

"I'm ……………Pipe don't get mad"

Piper bit on her lip - what next?

"It's school, I'm in a bit of bother"

Piper looked back into the scared eyes of her little sister - "I'm sorry Piper" the tears had started again.

"What sort of bother?"

"It's ...it's not that I've not been trying......I have Piper honest...it's just that, I .....I can't concentrate......I feel so upset all the time.....and none of it seems important"

"I know babe, I know but it will, you're just upset with everything that's gone on - it'll get easier"

"But my grades are slipping"

Piper kissed her little sister "But you've been trying right?"

Phoebe nodded.

Piper felt like the troubles of the world were on her shoulders - this on top of everything else, she looked down at the her little sister still in the warm embrace of her arms, she realised without a doubt her little sister had been neglected, she had to fix this. For once in her life Piper had no one else to rely on - not her Grams and not her big sister - it was down to her.

"Ok honey, don't worry, we'll sort it out"

"You won't tell Prue?"

"No" Piper hesitated she knew Prue would go ballistic if she kept anything important from her, but Prue was sick she didn't want to worry her, Piper smiled at her little sister looking braver than she felt "No babe, at least not yet. We'll make an appointment with your teacher and find out what needs to be done"

"It's History and Math"

Piper smiled for the first time she felt in control "Well Math is one of my strongest subjects and I'm not too bad with History, any major problems we can ask Prue, she was top of her year for History"

Phoebe hugged her sister tight "I love you so much Piper"

Piper looked down into the sad face of her little sister - her eyes were still brimming with tears, her emotions so raw, Piper knew exactly how she felt - everything hurt, everything made her sad even when people were being kind.

Piper hugged her close, realising she had to put some structure back into her little sisters life - she needed rules - she needed stability.

"Come on honey, go get your shower, then get ready for bed"

Phoebe screwed her face up "Oh Pipe!" she'd been used to being left to her own devices she didn't feel the need to be told what to do!

"I mean it Pheebes - its late, you've got school tomorrow"

"Just another hour?"

"No" Pipers tone left no room for debate.

"You're not the boss of me!" Phoebe was getting her fighting spirit back she pulled away from Piper her mood quickly changing.

"Don't go there Pheebes! I think you'll find I am! Don't test me!"

Phoebe stared at her sister for a moment before coming to her senses "Sorry"

"Ok - now go do as I say, and don't forget to say goodnight to Prue"

Phoebe shook her head "No"

Piper was about to tell her off when she noticed the tears once again in Phoebe’s eyes "She doesn't want me Pipe"

"She's just upset Pheebes, come on you know what she's like - she was a pain in the butt when she asked me to help her in the bath - and I was the one that was doing her the favour!"

Phoebe gave her sister a half smile "She hurt me Pipe" the tears trickled down her face as the memory of Prue lashing out at her yet again.

"She didn't mean to honey - she's upset as well"

Phoebe raised her eyebrows, a doubtful look on her face.

"Pheebes please, for me. Just go in and kiss her goodnight"

"I'll go in but I'm not kissing her"

Piper smiled - sometimes her sister could be such a kid.

"Kiss her!" Piper growled as she grabbed her kid sister and blew a raspberry on her neck, not letting go she started tickling Phoebe causing her to squirm and squeal.

"Ok! Ok! I'll do it!"

Piper laughed as she gave her sister a rough hug "Good girl!"

+++++++++++++++++++

Unable to sleep Prue lay in her bed for what seemed like hours, she groaned in pain as she turned trying to make out the time on her clock. She groaned again this time in frustration 3.15! She couldn't stop her mind reeling, she couldn't get her little sisters face out of her conscience, she hadn't meant it not really, it had been pure reflex, she knew she was being unreasonable even with Piper. For the first time in their lives roles had been reversed and Prue was finding it very difficult to accept. She had gone to Piper knowing how tired she was already, knowing that she could do nothing to help, and knowing that she was only adding to her sister's burden. Piper had kept the family together from the start; Piper had been the one who had dried Phoebe’s tears when she was in the deep pit of despair and sorrow For weeks after their Grandmothers death Phoebe had refused to leave the house, other than school Phoebe clung desperately to the only security she had left - her sisters.
Prue turned again - dam it! Even before she'd been diagnosed she'd left it all to Piper - to concerned with practicalities - shopping, cleaning and working too absorbed in her own world to be of any use to either of her sisters - she had dealt with the practicalities while Piper dealt with the emotions. She'd pushed Phoebe away - she knew she had, how could she explain to her sisters that she felt so lost? Never in her entire life had she felt so alone, she had been her sisters rock their Grams had been hers -sure they'd had their clashes but it wasn't until her Grandmothers death that Prue realised just how much she meant to her - she'd never told her. That was what was eating her up now.
Prue could remember the feeling when she heard the word cancer - the desperation, the panic She needed someone, she needed someone to rely on someone to hold her when she felt despondent it wouldn't be fair to her sisters she had always been their support, their crutch - if she took that away what would they have?
That was what was making it so hard, Prue had gone to Piper "Pipe, erm" Prue could remember stumbling over her words, Piper had looked at her her eyes looked so tired, her sister had looked worn out.
"What's up hon?" So gentle so caring. "I, erm I, I need a...I need a bath"
Piper had looked at her with confusion - Prue had watched the fog clear "Sorry Prue, I should have realised - come on, soon have you sorted"
Piper had smiled at her, Prue couldn't deny her sister was always a willing helper, that hadn't stopped Prue from feeling awkward.
"Come on honey - it's not like I've not seen you naked before!"
"It's not that Pipe" Prue had felt the tears stinging, she swallowed hard refusing to let them fall "It's just. I just feel so useless, I can't even bath myself for Christ's sake!"
"I know, but hun stop, it just take each thing as it comes - things will get better, they already are - you seem much better than when we brought you home"
Prue had rubbed at her face "I know"
Prue had felt so vulnerable undressing in front of her sister, Piper had helped her get her robe off - she'd cleaned her sisters wounds before so she wasn't surprised at the angry red scars - Piper had let out a little laugh.
"Well I never thought I'd see the day - thought your motto was if you've got it flaunt it" Piper had sensed her sisters discomfort.
"Yeah well - maybe I don't feel like I've got it anymore"
Piper had pulled her sister to her and kissed her gently on the cheek - "Oh you have babe! Trust me you have!"

Prue had just settled down into the water when the bathroom door flew open - Phoebe as unceremonious as ever bursting in, Prue had reacted instantly the words leaving her mouth before she'd even formed them in her mind.
"GET OUT! GET OUT!"
Phoebe had frozen already halfway into the room she had stared at her sister – Prue’s hand automatically covering her right breast.
"I'm...I'm mmmmmm" the sob inadvertently escaping from her mouth the hurt expression covering her face, she'd backed out closing the door behind her - Prue had heard her footsteps running down the hall
Prue threw the covers back - this was useless, she'd never get to sleep.
Swinging her legs over the side of her bed she grimaced as she forced herself to stand, slowly she made her way downstairs. Prue was starting to feel better until she realised she couldn't even hold the kettle, grunting in frustration she decided on juice instead -opening the fridge door she took the carton out, she felt the searing pain at the top of her chest, reflex caused her to drop the carton. She stood for a moment watching as the juice escaped from the confines of the container and spread across the kitchen floor.
Prue sat at the table her head in her hands - no longer able to hold back the tears she let the heavy sobs consume her.
She cried ......she cried in frustration.....she cried for the pain....she cried for the loss of her grandmother....she cried for the pain of her sisters.....she cried for the helpless of the situation ...she cried in fear........most of all she cried at the desolation.
She felt the small hand on the back of her neck - she felt the hesitation followed by the gentle rubbing, she grasped the hand - needing the contact, welcoming the kindness.
Phoebe looked at her big sister - she'd heard her get up, she'd heard her come down, she'd heard the crash as the carton burst on the floor, she'd heard the sobs, she'd heard the desperation. She'd stood outside for a few seconds - fear flashing through her mind, she knew she couldn't cope with Prue turning her away, not again, that had only lasted briefly the need to comfort her sister winning through.
Prue pulled the small hand to her mouth and kissed it, Phoebe felt the tears falling onto it, she curled her fist round and gently used the edge to brush at her sisters face, without breaking the hold, Phoebe pulled the chair out next to her sister and sat down.
The sisters sat in silence each welcoming the comfort the presence of the other brought.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"It's ok you can look if you want"
Phoebe slowly drew her eyes to her sister's scars, she bit on the side of her mouth in an effort to stop her tears, Prue watched her kid sister win the battle.
"It looks sore" As she spoke Phoebe very gently reached out a finger, barely touching the angry red marks where the stitches had been.
"It's not to bad - its inside that hurts the most - under my arm, where they took the glands out"
Phoebe raised her eyes from the scar tissue "Will it get better?"
"The pain or how it looks"
"The pain - I don't care how it looks as long as you're ok"
Prue battled with her own emotions "Yeah - its getting better every day. And the scars will calm down"
Phoebe was gently tracing the longest one, it ran from the top of Prues right breast to underneath her arm, another insertion had been made just beneath the nipple.
"At least they didn't have to take it off'
Prue smiled at her sister "Yeah at least they didn't have to do that"
"You're going to be alright Prue, aren't you?" Phoebes voice wavered she had been wanting to ask for ages but had been too scared of the answer.
Prue put her good arm around her sister's shoulder and pulled her forward returning the kiss.
"Yeah babe - I'll be alright - they got it"
Prue felt the tears that her sister had so bravely been holding back.
"I've been so scared Prue"
"Me too honey"
Phoebe looked into her sisters blue eyes and saw the understanding, Prue kissed her again
"Do you know what I was most scared about?"
"Dying?"
"No...well a bit, most of all I was scared that I wouldn't be here .....I couldn't stand the thought of you and Piper growing up without me. I didn't want to miss out on you growing into the wonderful young women I know you're going to be"
Phoebe smiled back at her sister "I was most scared about having to grow up without you, I felt so selfish Prue, but I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you"
Prue held her little sister tight "Well that's something you can stop being sacred of, and its not selfish it's natural, its ok" …………………………"Come on enough of the mush! Prue pushed her sister away - "Lets get this sorted and get the hell out of here!"
"No!"
"What do you mean no!" Prue was laughing at her sisters shocked expression.
"Piper will kill us!"
Since when have you been scared of Piper!"
Phoebes eyes went wide her expression comical "She can be, she can be"
Prue laughed "What?"
Phoebe paused "Formidable!"
Prue burst out laughing "Formidable!!"
Phoebe nodded "She'll go mad"
"Let her! Come on Pheebes lets have some fun we've been coped up for to long I need air1"
Phoebe looked doubtful.
"Come on what harm can there be? Just a little walk to the park - we'll be back before Piper even misses us"
Phoebe grinned "Can we feed the ducks" "How can we not?!"
An hour later Prue ventured out for the first time in weeks - she felt strange, still felling weak she couldn't curb the excitement she felt.
Phoebe had tight hold of her hand unwilling to let her sister from her grasp.
Prue laughed "Pheebes you're hurting me - not so tight"
Phoebe grinned "Sorry"
"Pity you wouldn't hold my hand like this when you were little"
Phoebe let out a laugh - she had been notorious for escaping from her sister’s grip.
"I got a right telling off that time you nearly drowned yourself!"
"I didn't!"
"You did!!"
Both sisters started to get a fit of the giggles - Phoebe couldn't remember but she'd heard the story a hundred times.
"Come on Pheebes what noise does a duck make"
Phoebe grinned at her sister - I'm not 2 years old any more Prue!"
"Thank god! You were such a pain!" Prue laughed allowing the memory to rush over her
"Pheebes what noise does a duck make?"
Little Phoebe had been holding her sister's hands - her excitement evident in the way she was practically skipping along the path.
Phoebes grin had filled her little face - "Quack, quack, quack, quack!"
"Clever girl!" Both big sisters together.
Phoebe had wriggled and pulled eventually freeing herself from the grip of her sisters.
"Quack Quack" She'd turned to her sisters, her face full of mischief - the youngest Halliwell was so cute, at 20 months she had curly blonde hair, and massive brown eyes
"Careful Pheebes - he'll bite you!" Piper had called out playfully to her baby sister.
"NO! Bite you!" Phoebe had pointed back at her sister
Prue had laughed as Phoebe had practically hopped up and down in her excitement "My bed, my bed MINE! ........Bite you!!!" Now she was pointing at the ducks
Prue had frowned at Piper
Piper had smirked translating for her sister "Her bread"
Prue had rolled her eyes "Here monkey!"
"What noise does a monkey make Pheebes?"
Phoebe had giggled "Ekk, Ekk"
Prue had chased her sister easily catching her she grabbed her and raised her high up in the air Phoebe screaming in delight
"That's a pig"
Phoebe wrinkled her nose "Oink oink"
Piper laughed "No that's a pig!"
"Dalla van de far" Phoebes face was serious as she looked at Piper
"Did you? Did you tell Prue?"
Phoebe beamed finding a new favorite she wriggled out of Prue’s grasp and held her hand out "Gnna falla" Phoebe was looking intently at Piper.
"I know! That must have been awful" Piper looking just as intently back
Phoebe beamed again dragging her sister closer to the pond.
"Pipe do you have any idea what she's jabbering on about?"
"None at all" Piper had burst out laughing at Prue's incredulous expression.
"Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack!" Phoebe enthusiastically waved her hands as she talked to the ducks, Prue couldn't help it she burst out laughing they were actually swimming closer
Phoebe was delighted "BED, MY bed!" Phoebe was bouncing up and down from her knees "Watch her Pipe not to close"
The 7 year old Piper broke off a piece of bread and handed it to the excited infant - Piper and Prue stood frozen in horror as they watched their baby sister lob the piece of bread at the ducks - the only problem was she forgot to let go!
Piper let out a scream as she watched her little sister fall head first into the water. Prue was quick off the mark wasting no time she went straight in after her - grabbing the baby by her little pink t-shirt she hauled her out.
Far from being upset by the experience little Phoebe valiantly kicked her legs trying with all her might to get back in the water with the ducks.
"Me wim, me wim, me uck!"
"No! Phoebe!" Prue was getting annoyed now - struggling in the water to hold on to her baby sister who was kicking at her trying to get back to her fun.
"Me WIM!"
Piper couldn't help herself the sight was so comical she felt the laughter build up inside her soon she was roaring with glee at the side of the pond.
"Help me Piper, never mind standing there laughing!"
Prue was getting annoyed now struggling to get out of the water, soaked to the skin with a screaming baby in her arms.
Luckily for Prue Phoebe was at an age where she was easily distracted - promise of the swings saw her scampering away in the direction of the children's playground the ducks instantly forgotten.

Prue eventually managed to get her sister home only to be greeted by a very annoyed Grandmother.

"Bath now Prudence! And take Phoebe with you!" Penny had been furious "Can't I trust you for even a few hours to look after your sisters?!"
Piper had burst into tears no longer finding the situation funny - she felt sorry that Prue had gotten into so much trouble. Penny had given Prue several hard swats to her bottom and packed her off for a bath and early bed. No one could argue with the fact that 10 year old Prue Halliwell had a lot of responsibility thrust onto her small shoulders.
Both sisters were laughing at the memory sat on the park bench with her sister, the sun shining down. Prue could not remember ever feeling so content.
"Did you get mad at me"
Prue managed to control her laughter "What? When?"
"For getting you into trouble - you got smacked because of me"
"No! Not at all - I was annoyed when you wouldn't come out with me, but not for what happened" Prue grinned "You were only a baby and so cute" Prue leaned over and tickled her sisters chin "Awwww, cute" Prue gurgled "Such a cutie!"
Phoebe laughed, smacking her sister’s hand away, she too was enjoying herself just as much as Prue, it had been ages since Phoebe had seen Prue look so relaxed.
"No, I was more annoyed with Grams" Prue let out a loud laugh "Piper told her what had happened, she tried to get round me but I was having none of it! Didn't speak to her for 3 days! Then I only broke coz I had to ask her if I could go on a school trip"
Phoebe smiled letting the memory of her Grams consume her - so strong, so stubborn, so demanding, so Prue!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The scene kept playing over and over again..................'they got it wrong'...............Phoebe could hear Pipers voice over and over again......'they got it wrong'......'they didn't get it'............'they got it wrong'.

She screamed ...........her mouth had opened, so wide so loud. Why hadn't they told her? Why hadn't they said? she could feel the tears trickling down her face, she felt sick, she was gasping for air trying to speak, it was too much, the pain was like a huge weight inside her chest, she couldn't find the words, she couldn't push them past the big ball pressed on her lungs.

She was clutching tightly to Piper, she couldn't let her go, Piper was talking to her, she couldn't make out the words, she couldn't hear what she said, nothing made any sense. Her world had stopped, her sister was dead.

Phoebe entered the church, the white coffin covered in orchids was all she could see. Had she sent flowers? Where there some here with her name on? She didn't know. she couldn't remember, she didn't care. She felt the hand still clutching her tight, she turned her face and pushed it into the safety of her sisters shoulder. She felt the arm go round her, she felt the arm holding her close, she felt the hand brush at her hair, she felt the kiss to the top of her head. It was the wrong shoulder, the wrong arm the wrong hand, the wrong lips.

"PRUEEEEEEE" she could hear the scream inside her head, she felt the tears fall down her face, she felt the spiral, she felt the fall, she felt the overwhelming loss.

She could see Piper’s face, she could see her mouth move, she could see the concern.

The church was full of faces, some she knew, some she didn't, she could see them pointing, she could hear them whispering, she couldn't hear the words, all she could hear was a buzz, a loud humm.

She pulled her arm away from Piper, she wrapped her arms tight round her chest, that was better that was safer, that was familiar, she remembered how her sister held her close, she'd stand behind her and hold her tight, so tight sometimes she felt like she couldn't breathe.

Breathe......she should breathe...she let out a gasp as the air left her lungs, she could smell her, the familiar scent, she took a deep breath scared to let it out, scared to let it go, scared she'd lose her forever.