Disclaimer: I do not own them. They belong to the WB. Phoebe ran down the stairs with her back bouncing on her hip. She had three minutes from being late. She needed to get a lunch, find her keys, and drive to school to make it for the morning run with the team.

Piper stood at the counter and Prue was at the table hiding behind the newspaper when Phoebe walked frantically into the room. Without a word, Piper held out her hand with Phoebes lunch in her hand and Prue’s arm peeked over the newspaper. Phoebe gave a sheepish grin and started for the back door with her lunch in one hand, her keys in her mouth, her duffle on her shoulder, and her backpack on her back.

“Hey, Pheebs,” Piper yelled after Phoebe as Phoebe dropped her stuff in the back on her car. “Even with Grams out of town, will you be okay if Prue and I go out tonight?”

Phoebe let out a laugh.

“Pip, I’m sixteen. I think I can handle it,” Phoebe said as she got into the car.

“Phoebe, just be safe.” Piper headed back toward the house.

Just as Phoebe got into the car, Prue stuck her head out of the window.

“Oh, and Phoebe,” Prue gave a snotty grin. “If Piper or I find any trace of your scummy, jocky boyfriend, your little ass will be in big trouble.”

Phoebe seemed to sink into the seat as she started the car. Sometimes she hated her sister.

The Halliwell sisters lived in the Manor on Prescott Street. The eldest had just graduated from college. Instead of being at the dream job, she was at home helping her grandmother and her sisters. She wasn’t the only on that was settling. Piper was not in culinary schools. She was majoring in business at the UCSF. Nevertheless through, everyone’s sacrifice, the Halliwell sisters were fairly happy. They were smart, beautiful, and successful women. Phoebe was still the baby. Always was and always would be.

Phoebe, despite the intimidation of her being in her sisters’ shadow, didn’t care what people thought. She just did her own thing. However, much to Prue’s opinion, she wasn’t the hell-raiser that she was toward Prue at home. She made varsity soccer and she made the honor role. She had a great boyfriend, though hated by Prue and Grams.

In spite of minor inconveniences they were all quite content.

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Phoebe stood at her locker searching for her lab book. Suddenly she felt a large hand wrap around her waist. She smiled and turned around.

“Hey, baby,” he said. “You want to hang after school?”

“Awww, baby, you know that I’d love to,” Phoebe said as she kissed him back, “but I can’t. And neither can you silly. We both have practice.”

“I know, but I thought maybe during warm-ups. We could you know . . .”

“Walker, I’m not going to.”

“Damn,” he said with a smile.

“But . . .” Phoebe said with a sly smile as Walker took her hand and they headed toward AP History. “My sisters are going to be out tonight. You can come over.”

Walker looked at her slyly as they stopped outside of Phoebe’s class. He and Phoebe had been together for a little over a year. Phoebe had never let him slide into home, maybe this was their opportunity.

“Alright, Einstein, I’ll come by at about 7pm?”

“Sounds good, baby.”

Phoebe stood on her tip toes and kissed Walker, only to be kissed back.

“Alright, Mr. Lowell I need Miss Halliwell for class.”

Walked pulled away sheepishly.

“I’ll talk to you later.”

“Goodbye, Mr. Lowell,” the teacher said sternly.

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Piper picked up a pay phone after the class.

“Hello, Prue Halliwell.”

“Hey, it’s me.”

“Hey, Pip. What’s up?”

“Just checkin’ if you’re ready for tonight?”

“Yes, Pip. It’ll be fun. We’re meeting at the club,” Prue paused. “I am a little worried about Phoebe and the jock, trok.”

“Prue, she’ll be fine. I know Phoebe. She would never let me down.”

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The doorbell echoed through the Manor. Biting her lip in nervousness, Phoebe opened the door. Walker stood on her step with his hands in his pockets. He looked at her. She was beautiful. She knew him best. He loved her most. She was his everything.

Phoebe looked up at Walker. She had held his hand since last year. A year. Weren’t they supposed to be in love? Prue had love Andy in the third month. She loved him, but at the same time, she didn’t know. She didn’t know why she was whit him sometimes. He never treated her badly; he was always sweet. However, their relationship was so serious it scared her sometimes.

“Hey, baby,” Walker said.

“Hi, honey.”

Twenty minutes later, Phoebe was lying on her bed. . . . with Walker on top of her. He stopped kissing her for a few minutes to look into her eyes.

“You sure about this?”

To be honest, Phoebe didn’t want it, but she knew Walker did. Walker had been with her for a long time. He had waited until she was ready. Losing her virginity was big; he had waited. She owed him. Phoebe put on a little smile.

“Yeah, of course.”

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Phoebe stared up at the ceiling. She closed her eyes tightly praying that when she looked over at Walker she wouldn’t feel guilt and shame. She looked over at him. All she could feel was no longer love for him, but guilt and shame for herself. She couldn’t believe she did that. She didn’t understand why she did it.

Walker looked over at Phoebe.

“Honey, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

Suddenly, a car pulled into the driveway. Phoebe shot up in bed only covered by a sheet.

“Oh, no. You have to leave. You have to leave now.”

Walker danced around Phoebe as she threw clothes on herself and him. Finally, pushing him out the window.

“I’ll call you,” he said as he was about to jump down.

Phoebe stopped. She looked at him.

“Actually, I’ll call you. I’ll see you,” Phoebe said differently.

As he reached the ground, her looked up at her.

“IÑ’’ She slammed the window before he could get another word out. “I love you.”

For a moment, Walker thought that he had made the wrong choice. He had not loved the wrong woman. He loved her with all of his heart. But his mistake lay elsewhere; his mistake was leaving her as he was going to. He knew deep down something was up, he had known her too long not to know that. However, he waved it off and finished his climb down.

Phoebe threw her sweatshirt on and climbed into bed. Just as her sisters came to the stop of the stairs, she closed her eyes as her head hit the pillow. Piper opened the door to see Phoebe who she assumed was sound asleep. She shrugged and went back into the hallway.

Phoebe pulled her legs up to her chest. She had made a huge mistake.


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Prue walked downstairs to see Phoebe starring aimlessly at the television. She had been acting funny for the last month. She was quiet. Something was up. However, even if Prue wanted to talk to her, she couldn’t. She didn’t know how. The distance between the two had gotten bigger once she had gone to college. The first time she had come home, she could barely start a conversation with Phoebe. After five years, of small talk, she couldn’t break the boundary now.

“Hey, um . . . want some lunch? I’m going out to meet Piper,” Prue said as she reached for her coat.

Silence fell upon them first.

“No, I’m good,” Phoebe said without taking her eyes off of the television.

Prue paused as she opened the door.

“Just promise me you’ll eat something, okay?” Phoebe didn’t respond. “Phoebe?”

“Yeah, sorry, . . . okay.”


Prue shrugged and went through the door.

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Piper waved at her sister once she spotted her. Piper adored her sister. She had always admired Prue. There were times that she hated her, but she loved her sister’s loyalties, those never changed.

“Hey you,” Prue greeted as she sat at the table.

“Hey. How was work?”

“Oh, . . . work.”

About fifteen minutes later as the ate their food, Prue broke the silence.

“Have you noticed anything different about Phoebe?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. She’s just been quiet.”

Piper agreed. Phoebe was acting different.

“I think she’s fine. If there were something wrong she’s tell me.” Prue knew it was true, but never the less it still hurt. Piper didn’t seem to take notice. “Just let her be, I’ll talk to her tonight. Probably just a bad day or something.”

Prue consented, but still inside she knew something was wrong. She shook it off. She was just over reacting.

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Phoebe stood looking at the television. It was if all of a sudden she woke up. Why was she watching this? Last time she checked she was watching cartoons. Snap out of it, Phoebe, she told herself. However, just as she tried not to think about it, she thought about it more. Why was this eating her up? She shook her head. She had to do something. She ran up the stairs to change.

Walker got out of his dad’s SUV. Grabbing his football gear out of he back, he rounded the car. Surprised he saw Phoebe sitting on his front step. He gave a smile. She looked so great. Was that his sweatshirt? He took a seat next to her. She had been acting different, but for some reason he wasn’t freaked about it. Phoebe always came around on her own time.

“Hey, baby,” Walker said with a smile as he came in for a kiss. Phoebe gave a him a weak kiss. “ What’s wrong, baby?’

Phoebe paused. She didn’t know where to begin. All of a sudden words began to form.

“Honey, I love you. . . You know that. . . I just I need some time.”

“What? Honey, is this about the night at your house a few weeks ago? Let’s talk about it.---’’

Phoebe bit her lip. Walker was so great, she needed to do this.

“Honey, you love me so much. You’ve been there for me.”

“And you’ve been there for me baby,” Walker said with a smile, still uncertain of what was happening.

Phoebe stared at her hands.

“I . . . I think I need a break.”

Phoebe paused for a beat before she looked up at Walker. Her heart broke when she saw his eyebrows knit and his eyes get glossy.

“No, I love you. I think about you. I’m the happiest man in the world when my hand is in your hand. I’m good. I waited for you because . . . I love you. I wanted you to be ready. . . .and I’ sorry . . . because if I think about it, you’re not, you weren’t. I;m sorry if I pressured you---’’

“You didn’t, honey.”

“But you did it for me, didn’t you?” Walker was met with silence, which usually meant yes. “God, Phoebe. I would have waited. I would have waited a lifetime. I love you so much. And I don’t want to let you go. Please, baby, let me---’’

“Walker, that’s the point. That’s why I can’t be with you. “ I was pretending there was something there when there wasn’t. It just made things better. Pretending, but it’s like I woke up. The dreams over. You have given me so much. You love me. You sacrifice so much. I care for you, but I can’t love you. I tried, but I can’t. I thought being with you would help . . . would help me fill this gap . . . I didn’t. I didn’t want a perfect relationship, but wanted to feel it. It’s not your fault. You put so much love into this relationship, I just don’t have it. I’m empty.”

“Isn’t it my fault?”

“No.”

“PhoebeÑ” Walker was now in tears, a talk, muscular, 6’6’’, hockey defense.

“No, I can’t let you love someone who can’t love you back.”

“I would be all set just loving you.”

“No, you can’t.”

Phoebe wiped her tears and kissed Walker one last time.

“Bye.”


Phoebe got into her sister’s car and drove away.


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Prue pulled in front of the Manor. It was about dinner time. Piper’s car was nowhere in sight. Phoebe must be out. As sh estarted up the steps, she stopped. Walker, the boy she had never liked sat on their steps.

“What are you doing her?” Prue said bitterly.

Walker looked up. He looked like Phoebe had just died.

“What happened?” Prue said with panic.

“She broke up with me.” Prue let out a sigh of relief. “She’s not home. She left my house five hours ago.”


“Well, wear is she?” Prue asked.

Just as she did Phoebe pulled up. She looked horrible. She was still wearing Walker’s sweatshirt. Her eyes were all puffy. She saw her eldest sister and her now ex-boyfriend were both ready to interrogate her. She didn’t need this, not after where she had been.

Prue looked at her sister. When did Phoebe get so small? Sure, she was always small for her age. Now, Phoebe looked tired and thinner than usual.

“I don’t want to talk to you guys right now.”

“Phoebe, stop,” Prue said firmly.

Phoebe stopped but didn’t turn around.

“Prue, can you go inside? I’ll talk you later,” Phoebe said without turning around.

Prue glared at her sister, but went in. Phoebe looked at Walker. He held a large bouquet. He tried to hand it to her, Phoebe shook her head.

“Walker, ---I . . . .Need you to go.” She was going so say something, but she didn’t.

“If you ever want to say something just call okay?” Walker said hurt.

Phoebe gave a small nod. Walker gave a weak smile and walked to his car. He took one last look at he started the car.

“Yeah, I do have something to tell you,” Phoebe said barely above the whisper as Walker started to drive away. “I’m pregnant.”
Phoebe wipe her tears before opening the door. She didn’t want to deal with her sisters. She didn’t want to deal with anyone. Just as she shut the door, Prue came into view. Her hands were on her waist; her eyes were glaring, but worried. Phoebe shook her head and walked past her sister toward the stairs.

“I don’t want to talk right now,” Phoebe said through her teeth.

“Well, that’s too bad,” Prue said irritated as she grabbed onto Phoebe’s arm. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” Phoebe said.

“Phoebe, spill. You’re too thin. You look like you’ve been hit by a car,” Prue said loudly.

“Gee, thanks Prue.” Phoebe spat back.

“What’s going on with you and that schuz?”

Prue had never liked Walker. He was so tough that Prue expected to him to be tough on Phoebe too.

“Prue, Walker has always been nothing but sweet to me---’’

“Then what’s all the fuss about?” Prue yelled.

Piper rounded the corner.

“What’s going on?”

Neither sister didn’t hear her or didn’t want to hear her.

“Nothing’s going on! And if there was, why would I tell you? I look like I’ve been hit by a car. Forget it. Why would I talk to you? Seems like you’ve already made up your mind about me.”

With that Phoebe stomped up the stairs. Piper glared at her sister.

“What did you do?”

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Phoebe stood in front on he mirror in her sports bra and pj pants. She rubbed her stomach. She couldn’t imagine that in nine months it would be a big, fat stomach. She shivered. She was going to be a mother. Did she know how to be a mother? She had never really had one. There was so much that she needed to know . . . to be a mother, but she didn’t know. She grabbed her sweatshirt and pulled it over her head. She looked at herself again. She didn’t know how to be a mother, how could she be a mother?

Suddenly she heard a knock on the door. She wiped her tears.

“Come in,” Phoebe said quietly as she sat on her bed.

“Hey,” Piper said gently as she sat on her bed.

Piper looked at Phoebe. Prue had been right. Phoebe was smaller. She looked sick. Piper wiped a stray piece of hair behind her ear. She cupped her sister’s face in her hands. She had come in here to interrogate. However, as she looked at her sister, she realized that she wasn’t ready. Piper took her sister’s hand in hers.

“You want to come sleep with me tonight, like we used to when we were little.”

Phoebe looked at her sister. Piper was making an effort. She could see it.

“No thanks,” Phoebe said.

Piper was somewhat surprised. She and Phoebe were always able to cuddle, no matter what. Maybe Phoebe was pulling away from her. Biting her lip, somewhat hurt, Piper gave a weak smile.

“Okay, I’ll talk to you later.”

Phoebe stared out her window. She couldn’t deal with this. Fresh tears began to fall down her cheeks. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t sit here. She opened the door and crept into the hall. Picking up the phone she dialed.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Jana, it’s Phoebe.”

“Oh, hey, did the soccer schedual change?”

Jana and Phoebe never really talked. Phoebe was the smart, driven, preppy. Jana didn’t care what anyone thought. Even herself. She played soccer and didn’t really apply herself. Phoebe knew she could help her unwind.

“Hey, I’m sorry to bother you, but I had a really bad day . . . I need to unwind.”

Jana was somewhat caught off guard.

“I don’t mean to be rude. I’ll be happy to help. Why don’t you call Anna or one of the other girls?”

“I don’t want to talk to them. They’ll ask me what’s wrong. And I have a feeling you won’t. You’ll just let me be.”

“I will. Sure, sorry I asked. I know as well as anyone what a bad day feels like. Sure, come on over.”

“Thanks.”

Phoebe hung up. Grabbing her stuff, she headed downstairs.

“Where are you going?” Prue asked from the parlor as Phoebe was in hand’s reach of the door.

“Um, . . . to Anna’s. We have a project.”

“Alright . . . sure.”



Phoebe stood on Jana’s doorstep. It was a large house in the same neighborhood as Phoebe. Jana opened the door. She gave a weak smile. As Phoebe followed her through the house, she saw Jana’s family. Her brother was sitting in the living room playing video games. Her father was sitting in the family room drinking a beer. Her mother was at the computer being the workohlic that the entire neighborhood knew her as. Her older sister was in her room readying a book. No one made any notice of Phoebe and Jana as they walked upstairs to her room.

Jana handed Phoebe a joint and a beer. She gave a smile and turned to get some of her own. Phoebe stared down at the joint. She had never smoked before. She put her hand on her stomach. She couldn’t do this to her baby.

She looked up to find Jana looking at her.

“The goody not ready to got bad?”

“I guess not,” Phoebe gave a weak smile.

“It’s good. Probably not good for the kid.”

Phoebe wasn’t that surprised that she knew. Though Phoebe hadn’t told a soul, Jana was one of those people who knew everything, she just never said it outloud.

She gave Jana her stuff back and put her hand on her friends shoulder.

“Thanks, anyway.” Phoebe paused at the door.

“Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.”

“Thanks” Phoebe turned to face her.

“Maybe after that baby is born will sit down and have that beer,” Jana said with a smile.

“I think we could make that a shake and do it before then. I mean I need to see how those mud pies are going. We were champs back in the good ol’ days.”

Jana gave a smile. Under her popularity and her I-do-what-I want attitude, Phoebe was just like everyone else.

“I’ll see ya.”

“I’ll see ya.”

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Phoebe hopped into her car. Cupping her head in her hands she leaned against the stirring wheel. How was she going to do this? Shaking her head she headed home. When she pulled up she stopped to see Walker sitting on her steps.

“Go home, Walker.”

“Jana, called me.”

“What? Did she tell you?” Phoebe asked practically screaming.

“No, she just said I might want to talk to you . . . that you might need a friend.”

Walker tried to take her hand.

“Well, she had no right.” Phoebe pulled away. “I don’t need your help. I can handle things by myself.”

“Handle what?” Walker asked desperately as Phoebe walked up the steps.

“LEAVE ME ALONE, WALKER!” Phoebe screamed as she turned on her heel.

She ignored the hurt in his eyes. She walked into the house. Prue and Piper were in the front living room coming from the window.

“What’s going on, Phoebe?”

“Nothing,” Phoebe said as she walked towards the stairs.

“Stop right there, young lady,” a new voice said sternly.

Grams, Phoebe thought.

“I don’t want to talk right now, please.”

“WE’re going to talk whether you like it or not. You don’t look well Phoebe. You aren’t well. What’s happening to you?” Grams asked gently.

Phoebe suddenly lost it.

“Forget it! I’m not dealing with you right now any of you!”

Grams, Prue and Piper watched as Phoebe ran out the front door.

“Let her go,” Prue said to Piper holding her back.

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Phoebe sped down the road. She didn’t want to talk to anyone. She knew that people loved her. Everyone had always been there for her, but at this moment, she didn’t want anyone. She just wanted to figure things out. She glanced down at her speedometer. 50 mph. It was the speed limit, I guess I’m not going that fast. She started to slow down anyway, as she did she looked to see car pulll out in front of her. Her world went black . . . . .

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The phone echoed through the Manor.

“Hello?”

“Penny Halliwell?”

“Yes.”

“Your granddaughter has been in a car accident. . . .”

Penny immediately dropped the phone and grabbed her other granddaughters and they were out the door. She didn’t even put the phone back on the receiver.

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Piper sat with her head in her hands. How did things get so messed up? Should she had talked to Phoebe more. She trusted her so much that she never really talk to her anymore. Was this her fault?

Grams paced the room. She had been fighting too many demons. She shouldn’t have let things get so out of hand. She should have been home. Patty must be so disappointed.

Let her go, Prue had said. If Prue had only let Piper go after her . . . would that mean Piper would have been in the car? No, Phoebe would be at home pouting because they dragged her back inside. Or . . . .

“Phoebe Halliwell?”

“Yes.”

The girls ran up to the doctor.

“She’s going to be fine. She has a mild concussion. We were able to sustain her bleeding. However,---”

“However, what?”

“We were unable to save her baby.”

Grams lost her balance. Prue and the doctor managed to catch her.

“What?” Piper managed to get out.

“Phoebe, was pregnant.”

“What?”

Prue stared at the doctor. This wasn’t true. It couldn’t have been true. Piper’s confused face looked up at the doctor.

“Does she know? That she lost the baby,” Piper asked.

The doctor licked his lips in nervousness.

“Yes, one the nurses told her.”

“I still don’t understand . . . How. . . .? I mean I know how . . . but . . .” Prue studdered.

“I think you should asking her that,” he said gently. “She’s a little weak, but she can go home tomorrow night.”

They followed him down the hallway. Piper shook her head. This couldn’t be happening? Why didn’t she tell me? I wouldn’t have been mad. . . Yes, I would have, but we would have made it work. Grams looked at her granddaughters. What had Phoebe really been going through? Did she really know her? Prue bit her lip. She had so many opportunities to talk to her sister, but never did. If she had only talked to her more. . . .

When the door was opened, the sight of Phoebe was heartbreaking. Her face was banged up. She curled up into a ball and facing the window. She looked twice as small as she already was. There had been so many things that each of them had wanted to say. However, now that they were in there, they couldn’t form the words.

Prue tilted her head to see that Phoebe’s eyes were open. They were just avoiding them. How did things change so fast? How did they lose one person and gain another in such a short amount of time.

Grams was the first to speak. She walked to one side of Phoebe’s bed.

“Hey, darling,” Grams said soothingly as she stroked Phoebe’s back. “How are you doing?”

Phoebe didn’t respond. She continued to stare out the window. Grams tried again.

“You really gave us a scare.” She paused. “ You must be hungry. Do you want me to get you something?”

Suddenly, Phoebe began to sob. Her body shook and tears cascaded down her cheeks. Grams immediately comforted her. Embracing her. Phoebe tried to push her away, but no avail. Phoebe gave up and sobbed in Grams’s arms.

Prue watched unattached. She wanted to hold her sister; she couldn’t. Piper reached and tried to comfort her sister. Phoebe eventually gave into sleep. Her sobs had won out. Grams looked at the girls. How did things get so wrong? The question, however, the surpassed them all was Where do they go from here? What do they do it to fix it?

A few hours later, Prue sat curled up in a chair. Piper and Grams had left. Phoebe began to stir. she opened her eyes and started to close them once she saw her sister.

“Don’t,” Prue said as she came closer.

Phoebe opened her eyes but turned her face around from her sister. She wasn’t in the mood. She didn’t need her stress of her sister. She watched from the corner of her eye as Prue tried to form words but couldn’t. Finally, she turned to face her sister when she came up with a smart comment of why she didn’t want to talk to her. However, as she made eye contact with her sister, she saw something she had never seen . . . vulnerability.

Prue’s eyes were cloudy.

“What’s wrong?’ Phoebe asked.

Prue gave a weak smile. Hello? Wasn’t it obvious?

“You scared the shit out of us,” Prue said with a laugh.

“Oh, that.”

“Yeah.”

Another blanket of silence fell upon them.

“I’m not pregnant anymore, am I?” Phoebe said quietly.

Phoebe knew her sister knew. She could see it. She was not looking at her sister. When her sister didn’t respond, she knew her sister was angry. Prue couldn’t say it outloud--- Suddenly, she felt Prue’s hand on her head, stroking her hair as she did when Phoebe was little.

“No, sweetie, you’re not.” Prue paused. ÔWhy didn’t you tell me? or anyone?’

Phoebe began to cry quietly

“You would have killed me,” Phoebe said seriously.

Prue let out a laugh surprising both of them. She lifted Phoebe’s chin.

“I wouldn’t have killed you, I would’ve killed him.”

Phoebe smiled. Prue laid down next to her sister. Phoebe instantly cuddled up into her. It was a habit. Prue wanted to say something. She wanted to make things better.

“I was thinking we should get a pet,” Prue said. What was she saying?

“Really?” Phoebe said tiredly.

ÔYeah.”

“What kind?”

ÔI don’t know.’

“Let’s get a prairie dog,” phoebe said with a yawn.

“You can’t have them as pets.”

“Yes, you can. My friend Kate has one.”

“Too weird.”

“How about a frog? . . .”

The conversation went on. Why couldn’t things be so simple with them? Prue thought.

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Grams and Piper sat in the cafeteria. The day had turned their entire “perfect” lives into something else. They had never wanted perfect, but they thought they knew about their lives. Now they knew they didn’t.

“Are you glad Phoebe’s not pregnant?” Piper asked.

“I don’t know. Kind of.”

ÔWhat are we going to do? . . . with Phoebe I mean.”

“We’re going to help her through this. It’s going to be hard, but we’ll be okay,” Grams said with a smile as she reached take Piper’s hand. “However, first we go to the core of the problem. Walker.”

“He’s adorable, Grams. He never would hurt her. At most she would hurt him. he’s a teddy bear.”

“Nevertheless, he’s a man. We’ll get information out of him first.”

TBC??

part 4
Piper and Grams walked into Phoebe’s room to find phoebe asleep on Prue’s shoulder. Prue was babbling, obviously oblivious that Phoebe was asleep. Piper pointed at Phoebe. Prue placed Phoebe’s head on her pillow and slipped out of her bed.

“Hey, you wore her out,” Piper laughed.

“Did she tell you?” Grams asked.

“Did I tell her what?” Phoebe asked sleepily.

“How did this happen?” Grams asked gently as she came over to Phoebe’s bed.

Phoebe stayed quiet for a moment. Finally, she looked up.

“Well, WalkerÑ’’

“Who’s Walker?” Grams asked.

Phoebe looked at Piper. How could she not know?

“My boyfriend, Grams.”

“How long have you been together?” Grams asked skeptically.

“Over a year.” Grams looked sheepish and Phoebe continued. “He wanted to, but he waited for me. So, when I thought I was ready, which was a few weeks ago., I said okay. He loves me . . . and well. . .I got pregnant.”

“So, he forced you,” Prue said. Grams nodded in agreement.

Phoebe and Piper looked at the two with confusion.

“No,” Phoebe said. She looked at Piper. “That’s not what I said. Is that what I said?”

“No,” Piper replied. “Aren’t you two listening? You know what. Let us be alone. You two, go get some air and open up your ears.”

Huffing, the two left the room. As the door closed behind them, Piper took her sister’s hands and hers.

“It’s just you and me now. Let’s talk.”

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The doorbell rang. Mr. Lowell opened the door to find an older woman and a young woman at his door.

“Can I help you?” he said politely.

“Hi, I’m Penny Halliwell, your son got my granddaughter pregnant,” Penny said cheekily.

“He what!?” He opened the door to let the women in. “Come in. Sit down. WALKER!”

Walker came running down the stairs.

“Ms. Halliwell, how are you? Prue, hi,” Walker said politely. “Is phoebe okay?”

“You got her pregnant????” his father bellowed.

Walker staggered back.

“What?” he sat on the step. “I didn’t know. . .”

“Did you have sex with her?” Penny asked angrily.

“Yes.”

“Did she say it was okay?” Prue yelled.

“Hey, my son would never do that!” Mr. Lowell said.

“No, I would never do that!!” Walker said angriliy. He backed off though. “I waited for her. I asked her. She said no for three months. I said okay. I love her too much to hurt her. Then last month she said okay. I double checked three times. She said okay. . . . She did it for me. I should have. . .”

“You’re damn right you should have,” prue screamed.

“How long have you been seeing this girl?” Mr Lowell asked.

“I’m being seeing her for a year, Dad,” Walker said annoyed. “Dad, she’s been over her every month, sometimes every week. She comes for dinner all the time. She helped babysit Katy. Mrs. Halliwell with all due respect I come to your house every Saturday. I’ve helped Piper plant tulip bulbs. Phoebe and I have been . . . were. . . seeing other. You should all know that because we’ve told you a zillion times. You guys just never listened.”

Prue looked down at her hands. She had seen Walker, but she never cared.

“Is she okay? Is she going to have the baby?” Walker asked worriedly.

“She lost it in a car accident because she was so upset,” Prue said through gritted teeth.

Walker broke down. A 6 foot hockey player fell to the floor. The three who looked on actually felt bad for the kid. Maybe he did love her.

“She broke up with me a few days ago . . “

“She what?”

“She said she didn’t love me’ she needed space. . . God, I’m sorry. Can I see her?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“At least tell her I love her.”

“You don’t know the meaning to the word,” Grams said.

“You’re right, he doesn’t,” Mr. Lowell said.

Grams started out the door. Prue stayed behind.

“I’ll tell her,” she whispered sternly.

Walker had always known her as a hard woman. Her action was a way of setting a truce. He had thought he had been talking to a brick wall.

Piper watched her sister and her grandmother leave the room. When the door clicked behind her, Piper turned her attention back to Phoebe. Phoebe had somewhat been dreading this moment. She knew Piper would ask her the one question she was too afraid to answer: Why? Piper reached out and took her hand in hers.

“What’s going on?”

Phoebe shrugged, obvious that hshe didn’t want to talk about it. Piper tried to meet her eyes, Phoebe however, seemed to dodge them.

“Phoebe, look at me.” Phoebe paused but looked at Piper. “What’s happened to you? Have I not been there for you? Have I just not been seeing you?”

“No, Piper,” Phoebe said now realizing that Piper was blaming herself; phoebe knew full well it wasn’t Piper’s fault. “Piper, you didn’t do anything wrong. You were there for me you know me better than anyone I know.”

“That’s obviously not true, Phoebe,” Piper said with a slight bit of harshness. It’s just in these past few weeks that you’ve changed . . .what’s going on?”

Piper gently sat next to Phoebe. Phoebe didn’t ant to talk to Piper. She knew she didn’t want to talk to anyone, but all of a sudden she heard her voice begin to talk.

“It’s nothing you did, Piper . . . it’s what I did,” Phoebe paused. She knew she had gotten Piper’s attention. “Walker has loved me for over a year now. He’s been my best friend. We hadn’t had sex because . . . well, I wasn’t ready. . . A few weeks ago, when Andy came over, I just watched Prue with him. There was something there that wasn’t with me and Walker. Walker loved me too much to see . . . that I didn’t really love him back. For the longest time, I was pretending there was something there when there wasn’t. It just made things better. Pretending. . . but seeing prue and Andy I realized that though Walker and I cared about each other, as much as uhe loved me I didn’t love him.”

“So you thought, if you slept together you would love him as much he loves you.”

“Yeah, I mean I loved having a warm body next to me . . . and he’s amazing. Btu I felt . . . so empty when I told him that loved him. . . like it was a lie. He didn’t deserve that. After we . . you know . . . I look over at him and I crumbled. It hadn’t helped it had made things worse. I felt as if I . . . I don’t know . . .i felt so different . . like dirty. . . but . . .you know, when we . .did it . . it was great, kinda of. I mean . . . he didn’t force me, or anything . . . I just . . . I don’t know . . .I knew I had to break it off. I did. I broke his heart, Piper. He cried so much. . . But as I thought about it . . can I love? I have this pit in me. . . And then I found out I was pregnant. . . “


Piper enveloped phoebe in a hug. Phoebe’s tears dampened her shirt.

“When I started high school, I wanted so bad to be my own person . . . I wanted so bad to get out of your shadows. I didn’t want to be a Halliwell . . .I just wanted to be Phoebe. And now, three years later . . . I can’t remember what I was before . . . I don’t even know who I am now . . “

“Oh, Phoebe,” Piper said. “You’ve always been Phoebe. I was the one that needed to get out of the shadows. You were never even in them.”

“Why did I feel like I was?” Phoebe asked. “I don’t know who I am? I don’t seem to know anything anymore. . . “

“I don’t know, but I know you’ve always been you.”

Piper’s answer didn’t seem to mean anything. It didn’t help and Piper could see that in her eyes.

“Honey,” Piper said trying disparately to reach her sister.

“No, Piper, I just want to be alone.” piper gave a weak smile and headed toward the door. Phoebe called out before she reached the handle. “Piper, none of this is your fault. I want you to know that.”

Piper nodded and went out the door. She had held such a brave face, but as the door closed behind her she broke. It was her fault, no matter what anyone said.

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Prue leaned her head against the seat. Her heart was beating from the last encounter at the Lowell’s. She didn’t understand. Had Walker really been over a lot? She had wanted to patch up the forever existent hole in her relationship with Phoebe. However, she had a feeling that was she was wanted was a lot different than what she made people think she wanted. She had never noticed Walker.

How can you live with someone so long and not really notice everything around that person?


They pulled up the Manor. Prue stared up at Phoebe’s room. The dark street seemed to only be lit by Phoebe’s bedroom light. She knew what she had to do. A few moments later she found herself on the other side of Phoebe’s door. After another few moments, she finally knocked.

“Hey,” Prue said as she entered the room. “Can I . . . I was thinking maybe, I would repaint my room.”

Phoebe finally looked up at her sister. She arched her eyebrow.

“Your room?”

“Yeah, uh . . perhaps, lavender or blue?”

Prue sat down on the bed. She stroked her sister’s face.

“I really don’t want to talk,” Phoebe said.

Prue gave her a little look. She gave the same look that she got when she was little. The look of humor and disbelief. Prue leaned against Phoebe’s headboard.

“Who said I wanted to talk? I didn’t, I just said I wanted to paint.”

Phoebe gave a little snort of laughter. She leaned her head against Prue’s shoulder much to Prue’s surprise.

“When did you know that you loved, Andy?”

Prue was a little held back. So much, for not wanting to talk, she thought.

“Um . . . I knew when he told me, and when Piper ran in telling me that you had just got your arm caught in the fence.Ñ’’

“Prue, I was five when I did that . . . that would have made you, what? eleven? You knew you loved him at eleven?”

“Yeah, I mean it wasn’t clear, Phoebe. Nothing in life is pure and clear. You don’t get it on the first try. But I knew that when he told me that I got it, I didn’t understand it, but I knew that I would be there you know? I would always be there to hold his hand. . . .and to me, then . . that’s love.

“I want you to know that, Phoebe. Love isn’t easy. Love is hard. Love is scary. It’s not a true feeling. It’s something that’s there but oyu can’t explain. . . Walker loves you and I think you love him. You’re not empty, sweetie. I know you might feel that way, but you’re not.”

“I’ve been working so hard not to be a Halliwell. I stepped into high school, and everyone knew me already. I wanted to badly not to be the youngest. Why couldn’t Piper be the youngest?”

“Honey, I don’t think Piper had a choice.”

“That’s a good point,” phoebe gave a weak smile.

“I think maybe you’ve been spending too much time being your own person, that you didn’t realize that you were already, Phoebe. I never talked to you, partly because I never really saw you. Now, I do. I want you to know that nothing is easy. Life is complicated; love is complicated. It’s been hard for me to love anyone outloud, and . . . now, I realize it’s most important . . . because if you don’t say iy outloud, those people might not ever know.”

“How do you know you love someone? What is love?” Phoebe asked as she looked up at her sister.

“It’s the realization that without that person you would be a little less complete. You would compensate and go on, but without that person, without that love, you will always have a hole within you. Love is something that brings all emotions. Sometimes it’s spontaneous, sometimes it needs to marinate, before it actually surfaces, but it’s there. It’s always there.”

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Piper sat playing with her cereal at the table. Her sisters had been talking for hours. Finally, she heard steps on the stairs. She looked up to see Phoebe as she sat down next to her.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“I just . . . I wanted to say thanks,” Phoebe said.

Piper looked up. Despite what Piper saw in her little sister’s eyes at that moment, she failed to see, as she will forever fail to see, the Phoebe who saw her. The Phoebe who saw her blaming herself; the Phoebe who would say anything to dissolve that guilt.

“For what?” Piper asked.

“For helping me understand that I’m not alone. I tried so hard to branch off, but no matter what I’ll still be apart of the tree.”

“So are you okay, now?”

“I think I’m on the way there.”

Suddenly, the doorbell rang as the sisters enveloped each other in a hug. They shared a look and Phoebe went to answer it. Phoebe opened it to see Walker walking away from her down the steps.

“Hey,” she called out.

He turned around awkwardly, embarrassed to have her see him walk away.

“Hi.” He paused, unsure of where to begin. He fiddled with his keys. “Are you okay?”

“I think so. I talked with my sisters . . . I think I’m going to be okay, but it’ll still take sometime. I mean . . . I was going to have a baby,” Phoebe said her voice getting quiet. “It scares me.”

Walker paused. Phoebe was somewhat regretful of saying what she did. She thought for sure Walker was just going to get in the car and leave. After a year or so in their relationship, she hadn’t opened up as much as she just did. Suddenly, she felt his hand on hers, guiding her to the road. He led her to the back of his truck where she saw the most beautiful thing. He looked at her with his slightly sheepish but always charming smile.

“I wanted to bring you flowers, I mean that’s what people do when they fight. . . .but because we’ve never fought I didn’t know what to get you . . . because I’ve never gotten you any Ôfight flowers’ before. . . . so . . . I got four of everything---’’

His trunk was filled with flowers. Phoeeb pulled him in for a kiss. Kissing him like she never had before.

“So does this mean we’re back together?” Walker asked.

“Yes,” Phoebe laughed. “Oh, and one more thing . . .”

“What?”

“I love you, too.”

They had a long way to go. The entire Halliwell clan and their battle for love was a long ever bumpy journey. Phoebe’s particular journey had a bumpy road but she now came to realize that things in life happen that she could never understand or expect. However, whatever the battle, she would always have her loved ones at her side.

the end