My Painful Realization


There’s a time in every person’s life when they realize that you should be grateful of what you have. When you learn that you can lose something in a second, and have it never return. Some learn this lesson when they’re old, some young, and some in the middle. People may think I learned it at a young age; I, however, was sure that I was not young. I was moments away from being an adult. I was wrong. In one day, one hour, one minute, one second, my life was changed. I had never experienced what it was like to not hear anyone else, notice anyone else; I never felt my world crash. But I have marked that day, technically that period of time.



Prologue

I’m the eldest of three girls. Although, I despise me real name, Prudence,(don’t you think it sounds like a total bag of an old miser), I’m quite fond of my nickname, Prue. I have come to love it. I live with my grandmother and my sisters in our old Victorian house up on Prescott Street. My mom died when I was little and my dad, that bastard, has disappeared from our lives. In my opinion he is dead, that is how I wish to think of him. Most people at this moment in story start drowning my in sympathy. When you grow up this way, without parents, you come accustom to it. You learn to live with it. That doesn’t mean that my sisters and I ever, have the times where we wish for a normal life, parents married, alive, and maybe even a dog. But hey, you’re deal with the hand you’re dealt with, right?

I was in my sophomore year of high school. I had gone out for my driver’s license with Andy that summer. To our luck, we got them. Of course, Grams took advantage of it and had me haling my sisters everywhere. It still amazes me how quickly you’re life can change.

My sister Piper is an angel sent from heaven. She’s always been the easiest to care for. As a baby, she rarely ever cried when ours held her. She was great with Phoebe. Piper is the best sister. I can talk to her she listen to her; she can listen to me ramble for hours. However, we’re close in age. Piper doesn’t really get along well with her peers. People for some reason find her to be somewhat of an entertaining target to teasing. She has me. I threaten to beat up many boneheaded ninth graders. Phoebe told me, in one of her ramble sessions,(one of the many reasons that Piper listed one time to support her thesis that me and Phoebe alike. Of course I denied it;we’ll never be alike.). Although, she may have a slight habit of shyness, she has always been my one an only best friend.

Then, there’s Phoebe, Phoebe is not easy! Take my word. Phoebe is the youngest; I love her to bits, with all my heart. She’s a handful. You always have to watch her. Ever since she could crawl, no, wait, ever since she was born, she had a look on her face that she was planning something. She was scheming something up. Her curiosity was always jumping from thing to thing in a matter of milliseconds. Phoebe was always full of questions. Answering them was always a chore and occasionally a ongoing, never-ending pain in my side. I ask myself more than thrice-a-day if Phoebe ever knows that it annoys me or if she’s just been misinformed the entire time that she wasn’t with me. Don’t take me wrong, I love Phoebe, it’s just that . . . . it’s just hard. TO add onto this, my Grams has been absent in our lives constantly leaving unexpectedly. I’m raising my sisters more than usual. Phoebe just turned ten; I secretly want her to return to the younger age of two. Life would be easier then. Piper reminded me that I still treat her like she’s young. I know my sisters are going to grow up but at least not today. I knew I was going to grow up, the thing was I thought I already grew up.

It was the first week of summer. I awoke with the sun shining in my eyes. Ugh! I thought I closed those stupid curtains. I pulled the comforter over her head. Just as I did I felt something soft next to me. I looked over, there was Sammy, Phoebe’s stuffed panda. I still have no idea why she calls him Sammy. I lifted up the comforter a little higher. There was Phoebe, sound asleep. Ugh! Why was she in my room? She does look cute. Don’t yell, I coached myself calming. Later, yell extra loud

I crept quietly out of bed and started toward the door. I bounced down the stairs. She wasn’t even able to reach the landing until she saw Grams rushing into the foyer, rolling suitcase in toe. She was rummaging through papers in her hands. She saw Prue and slowed down.

"Oh, Prudence." God I hate my name! "Something came up again. I’ll have this thing, this uh . . . .cellular phone. It’s a new thing. Call me in emergencies only. The numbers on the table. I’ll be back in a at least a week. I think. Take care of your sisters. Piper’s in the kitchen baking something for breakfast. First batch smells delicious! I’m going to run up and say goodbye to Pheebs."

With that she run past me. Unconsciously she pushed me out of the way. She’s been in a hurry a lot lately. I think it’s a combination of another dismissal of her most current husband, her high-maintenance job, and some new thing with Aunt Gail. I rolled my eyes and headed into the aroma filled kitchen. They were homemade cranberry-blueberry-raspberry with a hint of chocolate and a tow large drops of vanilla muffins. I learned this from Piper the very first time they came out great. It did take a few experiments to get to just the right muffins. She babbled in excitement for hours and hours about how exactly she made the muffins.

I saw two pans of muffins on the range. The kitchen counter was covered with messy, used bowls and now Piper was mixing some different flavors in smelled like hint of orange with a ginger pancakes.

Grams came rushing back down the stairs.

"Bye, girls!" she called. "Prudence, watch over you sisters. Girls, don’t let Phoebe out of your site you know how she is!" The front slammed shut. Bye, Grams, I thought with a roll of my eyes. Sure, I would be glad to sacrifice my first week of my summer.

My eyes returned to Piper. Let’s eat!


An hour later I was overflowing with good food. The sad part is that Piper was still cooking. She must have had either I terrible week, a new crush, or was board. Could be either one. As I nursed a glass of orange juice, Phoebe wondered in. She was dressed in pink shirt and denim overalls. I laughed. Her straps were twisted, wrong strap of wrong clasp. Phoebe may have been ten and could dress herself fine but was terrible at overalls. I pulled her into my lap and fixed her straps. Just then Andy walked the back door. I got up and Phoebe fell off of my lap. I laughed; Phoebe sulked.

Andy smiled and greeted me with a kiss. He looked down at what I was wearing. He chuckled. He held my hands in his as he talked.

"I guess you aren’t ready to go yet?" I was lost. I guess my face read my emotion. "The park, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. I have to watch the girls. I’m so sorry, I should have called."

"They can come babe. Piper and Phoebe can bring a friend. No biggie. We’ll still have our picnic. I’m sure Piper can help me pack a lunch for all of us. I’m not a very good cook."

Piper’s eye’s immediately perked up. Phoebe was still sulking. I crept out of the room and upstairs to get dressed. I knew Andy could handle Phoebe. He always could.


I remember that day like it was the most important day of my life, and it was, for sure the most important day. I day that will always stay fresh in my mind. You have word, always.

We arrived at the park at exactly twelve-thirty-four in the afternoon. Phoebe hadn’t invited anyone so she started playing on the swing set. Piper and her friend, Emily ran off giggling about some boy. Andy and I had a time alone by ourselves. I don’t remember a lot that Andy and I did but I think we just made out. I recall opening my eyes frequently to check on my sisters. Mostly Phoebe. Piper I knew was up to something. Then, I pulled away from Andy when I heard Piper shriek. My legs carried me fast to my sister. Phoebe asked to come along.

"No! Stay here, Phoebe, don’t move," I carefully remember yelling.

When I came to Piper, she and Emily were holding their hearts, but there was twinkle in their eyes. There stood Jake, he was in my grade but friends with our family. Andy and I stayed and joked for awhile. I still can’t believe I forgot completely about Phoebe. After about a half hour, I shoot up. It was exactly one tirty-two p.m. on Monday, June 22, 1985.

"What is it, Prue?" Piper asked.

Without answering I jumped to my feet and ran back to the play ground. Phoebe was nowhere to be seen. Andy was soon at my side. She was gone. Where did she go? I was only gone for two seconds, where on earth could she be? My heart felt nauseas. Calm down, Prue, I told myself. She just wondered off.

"Phoebe!" I called. I ran over to the swing set, looking in every possible place Phoebe could be.

She was nowhere to be seen. Piper and Emily were now at my side, frantically confused. I looked at Piper with fierce determination.

"Go on that side of the park, the both of you and look for Phoebe!" Emily quickly reacted to me and began running to the direction I was pointing.

However, Piper didn’t ran off with her right away. She gave me a look that she had never seen me before.

"Go!" I yelled. She ran toward Emily’s direction, tears glistening in her eyes.


Two thirty-two P.M.

Phoebe still wasn’t found, she was nowhere to be seen. Andy’s father had come with some of his police friends. Police were told to keep an eye out, on their patrol, for Phoebe. How could I do this? I asked myself. Where was she?

Andy had set me on a bench and told me to take a break. Thinking back on it now, Piper was sitting next to me, I never noticed her. She must have just wandered off, I reassured myself. She must have arrived at her friend’s, right?

"She has a tendency, to roam. She must have just wondered off," I practically scream to the group of policemen across the island of grass separating us.

Mr. Trudeau approaches me and asks me to calm down. Calm down? I lost my baby sister. Oh, God, what if something is happening to her, something terrible? What if she’s in trouble. As Mr. Trudeau’s mouth tries to reassure me, I see his lips but never hear his words. All I can hear is my mind’s worry. He starts to leave and I jump off, obvious that I didn’t hear a word he said.

"We have to find her!"

For the first time, I was aware of all the eye on me.

Part2 - The Mystery Man

I was told to kill the youngest. I was saw her across the street. Her face was recognizable. I’ve been watching the girls for a while, the youngest was the most important. It was foretold that the eldest would die, the middle shall have many doubts throughout her witchy life, but the determined youngest would always be hard defeat.

I was instructed to kil the youngest in a way that would seem not surprising for a little girl wondering by herself. However, the damn human nature inside of him couldn’t just kill her, he knew he had too.

He strolled across the street. He knelt down to the little girl, how was frantically looking around.

"I didn’t mean to wonder off. I was just board."

"I understand," I said in the most gentle tone that I could maintain. I smiled. "Go across the street and get that ball, we can play pass."

She smiled. She began running toward the road; suddenly she turned back.

"What’s your name?" she yelled.

Name? Hey, I’m a upper-level demon. What am I supposed to say? Finally a name came to mind; a name from an old life.

"Cole," I yelled. She smiled and turned.

Just as she stepped onto the road, I let my power flow into a on coming car. It soon became out of control. I watched in pleasure as I heard her scream and sent flying from the impact of the car.

Part3 Prue:

My mind screamed as I hear the screech of brakes. I look around frantically. Piper is next to me. I expect to see her giving me a questioning look but she too was up and looking. We both heard it, we both felt it.

Officers were soon rushing to the other side of the park. We followed. An officer, that we had learn to know as Stephan steps in front of us.

"No, girls; come with me." I could see it in his eyes. His look of sorrow and compassion.

I knew that something had happened. They had seen something someone, Phoebe. I saw more offiecers coming to hold Piper and I back. Suddenly I heard something the proved my suspions.

"Good, God! Don’t let her sisters see this! Get a fuckin’ abulance now!"

That was it for me. Piper heard it to. I felt my knees go weak. The frantic screams around me disappeared. My vision was somewhat blurry. It soon came back to focus, but my surroundings remained silent, although people were obviously talking. I saw Piper, my quiet angelic Piper, fiercely fighting to get past an officer to where an ambulance was now.

This can’t be happening. I left her, and now she’s hurt. It’s my fault. If only I watched her. If only I did my elderly sister duty and took care of her. Forgot my irresponsible necessities of a teenage girl. I should have watched her like the hawk of a mother that I’ve always been to her. Tough by protective. God! How could I do this? I felt my world begin to crumble again. Everything went black.

My eyes opened and I seemed to be in the hospital. A young man in his thirties was talking to me about something. All I could my thoughts. My loud, pounding thoughts of guilt. He led me out to Grams and Piper. I could see the anger in Grams’s eyes. However, it was desperately trying to be hidden by the love and sympathy the rest of her was giving off. She embraced me in a hug.

Soon my world began to return my ears with sound. I realized the doctor was still there. Then I discovered what, who, he was talking to us about. I draped my arm reassuringly around Piper. She looked exhausted; she looked older. She is only fourteen.

"When she was hit, she was thankfully not killed. This surprised me considering this car was going so fast. Fifty miles per hour in a fifteen mile zone. I’m not going to lie to you. Little Phoebe should be dead by now. The car was going fifty miles per hour; it has been proven, witnesses and everything. However, the car hit her as if it was going twenty or thirty. The tire marks proved how fast the car going." He was getting frustrated. Now more talking to himself than us. "It’s as if, something slowed it down, unbeknownst to everyone else. Everyone else saw it driving at fifty. Anyway, she has concussion. We thought she was going to die of internal bleeding, we fixed that. Um . . . she has scratched and bruised, we need to keep a good eye on her. She landed on her side, but still there is a chance that she may slip a coma. Try to keep her talking, eating. She should be dead, please, ignore how she got here, and just be glad she’s alive."

I knew that he knew all the guilt this would cause my family. He was just trying to save that pain. But he couldn’t no one could heal Halliwell guilt in just one pep talk.

We all walked into the room we had been so uneager, yet so pushy to get into. There she was lying, semi-sleeping hooked up to loud, noisy machines. My body began to crumble again, but I ordered myself to stay strong. With Grams, Piper, and I approached the bed. I held Phoebe’s hand to my face. I can’t loss her. Her soft brown eyes began to open.

"Hi, Prue," she said like it was any other day. She looked around. "Tell Cole I’m sorry I didn’t get the ball."

"What?" I asked confused.

"The man who told me to cross the street and get the ball."

My mind pieced everything together. People said that there was no one around when Phoebe was hit, No man in site. Was there some possible reason that this may have been planned. As if my thought was transmitted to Grams , she rushed out, saying that she needed to call Mr. Trudeau. Was someone holding a grudge? Who was this Cole? I’m going to find out!

Part4 The Mystery Man

When I return to the underworld, I was completely dumbfounded. Why couldn’t I kill her? I was an upper level demon, I kill things. I have killed children before. Why can’t I kill her? What is wrong with me?

I paced back and fourth in my chamber. This wasn’t making sense. This girl was just like any other of my victims. Or was she?

"DAMN!" I yelled in fury, the room shook in fury.

Go to the hospital and finish her off! He commanded him self. Something was hlding him back. Why did this little girl have a strong hold over him? Suddenly I felt my body being pulled somewhere. When my eyes came into focus, I was in an attic. Any agry old woman, glaring me down.

"What the hell?"

"It was you!" she yelled in fury. "What did you do to her? What do you want?"

Before the old woman could come any closer, a whitelighter orbed in.

"Penny, stop, back away. You’re going to do something you regret."

Though still furious, she obeyed. The whitelighter approached me.

"You couldn’t kill her could you?" the whitelighter said.

I was not going to admit I was weak.

"It wasn’t my fault! She’s supposed to be dead!"

"Destiny knows something we don’t Belthazor, we’re keeping an eye on you. If I were you, I would forget her, soon. I know, I sense what is going on. For you sake and Phoebe’s sake, I never thought I would say this, but, fight emotions. Don’t you dare fall in love. You’ll hurt her and everyone around her."

"Are you mad!" I asked in fury. "She’s a child!"

"Children grow! Now leave and fight yourself!"

I shimmered out. This man couldn’t be right could he? I would never stoop down to falling for a witch! Would I?

TBC??

Part5: Grams, the Intimidator

I paced back in fourth in fury. I had barely heard what Jason said to Bethozar’s human form. I was furious! What did she do? Damn it!

I turned to my faithful whitelighter, Jason. He was great, what would I do without him? I was defeated, I was stumped, what on earth was I to do?

"Jason, we both know he won’t just go away," I said in a hint of defeat in my voice. "Can’t you heal her? Please Jason? Those Goddamn elders."

"I know, I’m sorry. She’s won’t die, Penny. She’ll just be weak. At least she’s needed to vanquish any demons," Jason said reassuringly.

"At least, not yet," Patty mumbled. "Come on, let’s get back to the hospital."

He embraced me and we orbed away. WE arrived back at the hospital and I went down to my girls. They were all laying. Prue feeling most helpless. Blaming herself as always. What am I to say? I can barely talk to her anymore.

Phoebe was awake. I smiled when she saw me. She could see right through that smile though. She knew me, she knew everyone in the family.

"Don’t be sad Grams, I’m okay," Phoebe said with a smile.

"Of course you will, darling," I said with tears beginning to develop. "Of course."

But deep down, I knew there was more to come but what?

Part6 - Prue: Her Realization

I have to protect her. I don’t understand though. Who is this guy? I needed a break, I got up and went down to the cafeteria. I had to eat. As I sat down at one of the tables I looked down at my apple, toast, and coffee. Thank God for coffee.

How am I supposed to fix this? How am I? It’s my fault! I forgot about her. I am so selfish. God! I unconsciously slam down my fist.

"I’m sure the table’s sorry," a male voice said, interrupting my thought.

I was steamed.

"Listen, I—’’ I was going to say, not in a good mood, but something in the man’s eyes stopped me.

I felt as if I was home, not physically, but I was home. I handsome. Around my age, maybe a little older. He stand down at the table.

"Care to share why you punishing the table," he said with a chuckle.

"I’m in a hospital, I have to be mad at something," I replied. I comfortable with him.

"Yeah, but couldn’t you have picked, walls, pillows or something else, not tables. Tables have good job. They are surface to hold your food, therefore making them superior." I smiled more, I haven’t smiled this much in a long time.

Then a name crashed into my head like whirlwind. Andy.

"I’m sorry," I said standing up. "I have a boyfriend, I have to go."

He too stood up.

"That’s okay." I began to walk away. But then he called out to me. "Prue."

I turned.

"How did you—’’

"Listen to Phoebe’s advice. It’s okay."

I looked down at the floor in confusion, I looked back up seconds later, he was gone. Dumbfounded, I returned down the hall.

"Prudence, Piper and I are going to run home, stay with Phoebe will you? I love darling." She kissed me on the forehead.

"Me too."

"Bye, Prue," Piper said as she pulled me into a hug.

"Bye, babe," I said as I kissed heron the head.

I watched as they retreated down the hall. I turned my glance to Phoebe who was lying there coloring as if nothing had happened and we were just at home.

"How can you be so strong?" I asked finally.

Her big brown eyes looked at me.

"I’m not strong, Prue. You are." There was a long pause, In which this period that she set her coloring aside and I crept into the bed with her. "I don’t blame you, Prue. You have nothing to blame yourself for. People make mistakes, even the perfect ones. It’s okay to cry, Prue. You could never cry in front of us. I love you and it’s okay to cry. People make mistakes, is human nature."

She small smile. I felt tears falling down my cheeks. It was true I could never cry in front of my sisters, especially Phoebe. It was okay to cry. Was the man meant?

"Things will get better, Prue, you’ve raised us well." She leaned her head against my chest. "Promise me that you’ll always be there. Promise me that you won’t go underground. I don’t understand why they put people underground. Won’t they be happier above. You know, you don’t have to promise that you won’t die, ‘cause I’ll always you, and no matter what you do, it’s always good enough for me. It’s okay to cry, Prue. You can start taking down your big stone wall, and cry."

I was crying.

"Baby, how did you become so smart?"

Phoebe looked at me.

"Guidance is always given just not always in the a familiar form."

Then she closed her eyes as I cried. I wiped my eyes a minutes later.

"You’re going to grow aren’t you. Promise me that you won’t give me a hard time if I won’t let you," I said with a smile, full of pride of the little girl I’ve raise. I looked down when she didn’t answer. "Phoebe? Honey?"

She never answered, but a loud beeping did.

Prue

I shot up in bed. Oh God! This can’t be happening! NO!

"No, no, no, no, no," I repeated. "Phoebe! Phoebe!!" I shake her shoulders.

Soon a ban of nurses came through the door, somehow I soon found myself in the hall. This can’t be happening!

I watched as the nurses surrounded her. Doctors came in. The sounds around me grew silent, everything seemed to freeze, except for Phoebe. It was like tunnel vision. I could feel myself breathing. I was going to loose her. She ws never going be okay again.

The next thing I knew the beeping noise stopped. They were turning the machines off. They stood back, and slowly exited the room. Putting their hands on my shoulder as sympathy as they left.

She was gone. My little sister, died that day. She would never drive, she would get married, she would never . . . .

A voice echoed though my head.

"Listen to Phoebe’s advice . . . . ."

"it’s okay to cry, Prue," she had said.

I took her little hand in mine. Her limp small hand. I had lost her in an instant. but somehow we knew she would never come home. It took me the loss of my baby sister to realize life so short. There truly no goodbye’s in this world, only hello’s. I’ve my life living this lie, and wearing this mask.

Through my despare and my loss, I will tell you hold on, it’s going to be okay. Somehow someway. Don’t spend your life the way I did. I built this wall sheltering me, when the only this I was hiding from was a little girl, who was looking for answers. Don’t keep answers, no painful they are, for we are all people, we are all looking. Why not look together?
Phoebe will never open her eyes again. I cry every time I think about it, but I remember what she said: "People make mistakes, is human nature" and then she said "Things will get better, Prue, you’ve raised us well".

How could I have raised her well? She hadn’t even grown up yet.

Piper and I are okay now, we’re closer that ever. It’s been ten years since Phoebe died. I’m a photographer, I’m married, and I’m happy. . . . with my daughter Phoebe.

The healing process took a long time. And you just don’t get over it, you just forget, but it’s the little things. I saw things Phoebe loved. People die every day. I still grieve for loss. One can never over it., one only finds some kind of peace. I saw a butterfly today, phoebe loved butterflies. We all loss something, we just we somehow learn to cope, learn to live again and that is the hardest thing to learn: To let go.